What, No Title?
There is something very, very wrong with my blog now. They've changed something in the coding, and now my fonts are the wrong size, the leading is wrong, eccch, and the Title, which I have enabled, doesn't seem to want to come up. (I think I'm changing the body font to this one, Lucida Grande, because it seems to be easier to read.)
I am clueless (or rather, not in the mood to phuck with it) about how to fix it.
So, bear with. Eventually, I will have my formatting back to normal.
Wednesday, August 04, 2004
Procrastination
Procrastination
Well.
I can't say I've been too busy to post, just too lazy. Hey, it's summer! What do you expect? Ohio weather alternates between blisteringly hot and humid versus autumn-like coolness, and the dishrag days tend to add to the laziness factor.
It occurred to me that it's been a year (actually, a year and two days) since Wildflower & I achieved our Official Level One status... and we are only scratching the surface of Level Two! Shame on us. Shame on me, rather. I'm the one who has to crack the bindings on the pocket guides and study the material before teaching it to her. All the horse has to do is put up with my fumbling and try to respond.
OK... momentary digressions from the subject: I hereby give up trying to use the appropriate punctuation marks for contractions (an apostrophe, or ’ which naturally posts as a question mark, not the curlicued superscript comma it's supposed to be) rather than succumb to the default which appears when you hit the " key (quote marks key) on the keyboard. Does it really matter if it's—er, it’s—a proper apostrophe, or the default... which is the designation for the measurement of a foot? That's right. As in, five feet eight inches tall, or = 5' 8" tall. It's just such a bitch to have to hit Shift Option footmark for every single contraction! I give up. Foots it is.
I must continue to digress. I'm bored with the look of this site and have discovered a new wave of blog templates that include gorgeous graphics, even animation, more like websites than just an online diary. Being a designer myself, however, I'm dissatisfied with the current offerings in weblog templates. Oh, there are some nice ones out there, but they aren't "me". No. I want something more personalized. My colors. My design. My graphics. Found out it's not as easy as it looks... I might actually have to learn some code to do it. When I find one, you'll be the first ones to know.
Back to horse chatter... mostly, I focused on trail riding this spring. A little bit. Not as much as I would have thought. But that was partly due to home issues messing up my life. Without going too far into it, let's just say that you can know someone for 10 years, think you "know" them, then find out you don't really know them at all—and now they are a complete stranger. It gets scary when that stranger happens to be living under the same roof. My stable, harmless, unflappable, ex-bf-turned-platonic-housemate-for-financial-reasons-only completely changed his spots one night, and showed me a side I think I probably knew subconsciously was always there, lurking beneath the surface... but never believed it.
Long painful story short, he overreacted to something I said, claimed I'd insulted him (I didn't, still not sure how he wove an insult out of an innocent offhand comment), blew up while riding home from the grocery store with me, banged repeatedly on my dashboard, ignored my requests to stop destroying my car, scared the bejeezus out of me, and hit me, punched me hard in the arm, when I swatted at him to distract his destruction. Told me "don't ever hit me bitch because I will hit back!" Then refused to leave the car (following repeated demands to do so from me) once we turned onto my road and demanded I take him home. I said "Sorry, I'm not going home, you can get out and walk from here if you don't want to go where I'm going," and turned around and headed for the highway.
At the top of the overpass as I was entering the turn lane for the interstate, he reached over and pulled the keys out of the ignition. Played keepaway with them. I got them back by placing his arm between my teeth and growling as the warning to drop them or I'll bite. (I meant it, too. I would have gone straight to the bone if that's what it had taken.) Threatened to do it again if I got on the highway. I told him "You will not touch me OR my car when I am driving ever again" and proceeded to enter the highway. When he calmly and smugly informed me that now I was kidnapping him and I'd be in big trouble if I didn't take him home right now, I drove back to my house because I didn't really know if he was bluffing or if he really had a case and that was the last thing I'd need.
I told him he no longer lived at my house, to get out tonight and pick up your stuff later. He unloaded the groceries in silence, then went up to his room and went to bed. That's right! What part of "get out tonight" did he miss?
The next day, he played hooky from work (his excuse: I was the crazy one, and he was worried about what I might do to his stuff while he was gone!), slept in half the day, then informed me that his hitting me was in self defense, and that I deserved it.
I'm no psychologist (but my sister is), but I know the mindset of an abuser when I see it. Why I didn't see it nine years earlier, I'll never know. Probably because he is not the obvious kind, he is the more subtle kind that plays it so close to the line that he barely crosses it... leaving tons of room for doubt. Are those comments deliberate snide insults designed to belittle me, or is he just not very sensitive and doesn't realize some of his "jokes" aren't funny? He never gets mad during arguments... he's only blown up a handful of times in ten years. Yet, I've been branded a "raving bitch" because when I get frustrated I tend to express my opinions and frustrations loudly at the top of my well-trained singer's voice instead of quietly.
When he said "you're just lucky it was me in the car with you and not my dad, because he wouldn't have stopped with one punch!" I realized how bad it was. It clicked. I asked if his dad beat them up. He said pretty much, yeah, a lot. So here he was, the victim of an abusive father, and in ten years of what I'd thought was friendship, following a good solid year or so of being a very intimate couple, he had never told me this. Oh, I knew his dad was a Grade A asshole, mean, nasty, belittling, and that nobody liked him at all, but I thought it was all bark and no bite.
I was so wrong.
Unfortunately, as was becoming quite clear, I was also the victim of long-term emotional, mental, and now physical abuse from him, and in my state of blindsided confusion, I was unable to reach out to him as a friend; I was only capable of seeing him through angry eyes. It may take years before I can put this behind me.
That was May 10th. I suffered a long, eggshell-walking month trying to get him moved out. I managed to win a deal with him—first time ever!—and bought out my share of the Roland VS-2480 recording equipment we'd co-purchased three years ago before he realized what he was losing (because they don't make the hard drive version anymore, they come with onboard CD burners now and he wanted the removable hard drive version, used... which doesn't exist except on eBay, and he refuses to buy sensitive equipment off eBay). He finally got all of his stuff out by June 14th. I immediately took a vacation to my sister's, and came back to discover my neighbor's cat's kitten's situation. That's another story, but the end result of that was that I now have five cats. Three biguns, two littleuns. Total poundage: 52.73. My cats weigh, individually, 23 lbs., 12.13 lbs., 11.6 lbs., and 3 lbs. each for the kittens.
Somewhere in the middle of June I went to a new doctor regarding some female issues and was prescribed Wellbutrin. Interesting drug. Not sure what it's doing to me emotionally, but it has helped me overcome the 3 AM anxiety and the worry loop (wake bolt upright at 3 AM, in a panic, unable to get back to sleep from all the worry in the cyclic worry loop), and the bonus benefit is that it has totally killed off my appetite. I started this year topped out at 187. I'm down to 174 and losing, since June, in part because of the South Beach Diet (not strictly adhering, just adjusting my own eating habits) and in part because of the drugs. The slogan should be "feel great, look great".
By the second week of July, I rediscovered my motivation, and began more frequent trips to the barn. We had some great sessions, some OK sessions, and the last one was... well, awful as far as teaching goes, but great also because I discovered how good her "stick-to-me" game is and how good our BringBack at Liberty is getting. I've also discovered big major gaping Holes in my L1 knowledge base.
For example, I'm sending her wrong on the Squeeze game. No wonder she gets confused! The Send position for Circling is, you're facing the horse, and you spread out your legs, turn in the direction you want her to go and point and look that way. The Send for Squeeze... well, imagine we're in a round corral and there's a barrel lying on its side scooched up next to the fence. I'm standing lined up with the barrel facing the fence. She's supposed to squeeze between me and the fence and over the barrel (jump). Beginning position, the horse is off to my right.
What I've been doing:
No wonder she looks at me funny before hesitantly taking the jump.
So I've spent the past few blisteringly hot dishrag days in front of the fan reading my L2 pocket guides very very carefully, step by plodding step, and watching not only the first L2 video several times (taking copious notes and pausing the tape when necessary) but also re-watching the L1 video several times and pausing at every step of each game to study Pat's exact positions.
The interesting thing is that everything on the video looks different now that I'm in L2; I understand why the Games are so important, and I now see very clearly how critical it is that you get the positions and steps right at L1 before tackling L2, because L2 builds on those steps. They truly are the foundation. Nobody understands what that means until they see the L2 tasks and it clicks in. The reason you put your left hand at the nose (Zone 1) and the right hand at the girth (Zone 2/3 cusp) for Porcupining the FQ is because in L2, you will alternate those hands to ask the horse not just to move the FQ around, but to move the far leg, then the near leg, and be able to control which leg goes first! I imagine by L3, maybe by the end of L2, you're not even touching the horse, you're just using the hand signals developed off of the original L1 Porcupine Game to ask your horse from 12 feet away to move the FQ away from you.
I've been kind of lax about it, because nobody ever pointed that out in a clinic. Suddenly, I'm paying closer attention to exactly what Pat demonstrates, and trying to think ahead as to what that might develop into down the road. (That must be a sign of increasing savvy.) I think that should be demonstrated in the clinics. The instructor should say, "I want you to practice it this way (L1 style) for now, but be very particular about hand placement because when you get to L2, you will use this same position to communicate to the individual legs [demonstrates], and later in L3 (or at Liberty), you'll influence the horse using the same positions from 12 feet away—so it's vital that you, and your horse, understand the Zones and how to influence them at L1 before moving into L2 and L3."
So I waffled for a month or so about signing up for Bruce's L2 clinic in Cincinnati in October, despite being offered a ride from the director of Serenity Farm (the therapeutic riding center for whom I designed and maintain the website) because I wasn't sure we'd be ready. Turns out it's an Advanced L2/Intro to L3 clinic. Yikes! I spoke with his business manager, Jen, one of the Cleveland NEON gals, about requirements for being in that level of a clinic. PNH doesn't specify much except that you are able to ride at walk trot and canter and are Official Level One (or have a large percentage of the tasks passed) and are currently studying L2. She went over some of the things Bruce emphasizes in his clinics, and my mission is to cram for the next two months.
Well, I'm pooped. That's enough of an update for now. My new year's resolution: to update my blog more frequently, as in daily or after every session/horseday. That way I won't forget a thing!
Well.
I can't say I've been too busy to post, just too lazy. Hey, it's summer! What do you expect? Ohio weather alternates between blisteringly hot and humid versus autumn-like coolness, and the dishrag days tend to add to the laziness factor.
It occurred to me that it's been a year (actually, a year and two days) since Wildflower & I achieved our Official Level One status... and we are only scratching the surface of Level Two! Shame on us. Shame on me, rather. I'm the one who has to crack the bindings on the pocket guides and study the material before teaching it to her. All the horse has to do is put up with my fumbling and try to respond.
OK... momentary digressions from the subject: I hereby give up trying to use the appropriate punctuation marks for contractions (an apostrophe, or ’ which naturally posts as a question mark, not the curlicued superscript comma it's supposed to be) rather than succumb to the default which appears when you hit the " key (quote marks key) on the keyboard. Does it really matter if it's—er, it’s—a proper apostrophe, or the default... which is the designation for the measurement of a foot? That's right. As in, five feet eight inches tall, or = 5' 8" tall. It's just such a bitch to have to hit Shift Option footmark for every single contraction! I give up. Foots it is.
I must continue to digress. I'm bored with the look of this site and have discovered a new wave of blog templates that include gorgeous graphics, even animation, more like websites than just an online diary. Being a designer myself, however, I'm dissatisfied with the current offerings in weblog templates. Oh, there are some nice ones out there, but they aren't "me". No. I want something more personalized. My colors. My design. My graphics. Found out it's not as easy as it looks... I might actually have to learn some code to do it. When I find one, you'll be the first ones to know.
Back to horse chatter... mostly, I focused on trail riding this spring. A little bit. Not as much as I would have thought. But that was partly due to home issues messing up my life. Without going too far into it, let's just say that you can know someone for 10 years, think you "know" them, then find out you don't really know them at all—and now they are a complete stranger. It gets scary when that stranger happens to be living under the same roof. My stable, harmless, unflappable, ex-bf-turned-platonic-housemate-for-financial-reasons-only completely changed his spots one night, and showed me a side I think I probably knew subconsciously was always there, lurking beneath the surface... but never believed it.
Long painful story short, he overreacted to something I said, claimed I'd insulted him (I didn't, still not sure how he wove an insult out of an innocent offhand comment), blew up while riding home from the grocery store with me, banged repeatedly on my dashboard, ignored my requests to stop destroying my car, scared the bejeezus out of me, and hit me, punched me hard in the arm, when I swatted at him to distract his destruction. Told me "don't ever hit me bitch because I will hit back!" Then refused to leave the car (following repeated demands to do so from me) once we turned onto my road and demanded I take him home. I said "Sorry, I'm not going home, you can get out and walk from here if you don't want to go where I'm going," and turned around and headed for the highway.
At the top of the overpass as I was entering the turn lane for the interstate, he reached over and pulled the keys out of the ignition. Played keepaway with them. I got them back by placing his arm between my teeth and growling as the warning to drop them or I'll bite. (I meant it, too. I would have gone straight to the bone if that's what it had taken.) Threatened to do it again if I got on the highway. I told him "You will not touch me OR my car when I am driving ever again" and proceeded to enter the highway. When he calmly and smugly informed me that now I was kidnapping him and I'd be in big trouble if I didn't take him home right now, I drove back to my house because I didn't really know if he was bluffing or if he really had a case and that was the last thing I'd need.
I told him he no longer lived at my house, to get out tonight and pick up your stuff later. He unloaded the groceries in silence, then went up to his room and went to bed. That's right! What part of "get out tonight" did he miss?
The next day, he played hooky from work (his excuse: I was the crazy one, and he was worried about what I might do to his stuff while he was gone!), slept in half the day, then informed me that his hitting me was in self defense, and that I deserved it.
I'm no psychologist (but my sister is), but I know the mindset of an abuser when I see it. Why I didn't see it nine years earlier, I'll never know. Probably because he is not the obvious kind, he is the more subtle kind that plays it so close to the line that he barely crosses it... leaving tons of room for doubt. Are those comments deliberate snide insults designed to belittle me, or is he just not very sensitive and doesn't realize some of his "jokes" aren't funny? He never gets mad during arguments... he's only blown up a handful of times in ten years. Yet, I've been branded a "raving bitch" because when I get frustrated I tend to express my opinions and frustrations loudly at the top of my well-trained singer's voice instead of quietly.
When he said "you're just lucky it was me in the car with you and not my dad, because he wouldn't have stopped with one punch!" I realized how bad it was. It clicked. I asked if his dad beat them up. He said pretty much, yeah, a lot. So here he was, the victim of an abusive father, and in ten years of what I'd thought was friendship, following a good solid year or so of being a very intimate couple, he had never told me this. Oh, I knew his dad was a Grade A asshole, mean, nasty, belittling, and that nobody liked him at all, but I thought it was all bark and no bite.
I was so wrong.
Unfortunately, as was becoming quite clear, I was also the victim of long-term emotional, mental, and now physical abuse from him, and in my state of blindsided confusion, I was unable to reach out to him as a friend; I was only capable of seeing him through angry eyes. It may take years before I can put this behind me.
That was May 10th. I suffered a long, eggshell-walking month trying to get him moved out. I managed to win a deal with him—first time ever!—and bought out my share of the Roland VS-2480 recording equipment we'd co-purchased three years ago before he realized what he was losing (because they don't make the hard drive version anymore, they come with onboard CD burners now and he wanted the removable hard drive version, used... which doesn't exist except on eBay, and he refuses to buy sensitive equipment off eBay). He finally got all of his stuff out by June 14th. I immediately took a vacation to my sister's, and came back to discover my neighbor's cat's kitten's situation. That's another story, but the end result of that was that I now have five cats. Three biguns, two littleuns. Total poundage: 52.73. My cats weigh, individually, 23 lbs., 12.13 lbs., 11.6 lbs., and 3 lbs. each for the kittens.
Somewhere in the middle of June I went to a new doctor regarding some female issues and was prescribed Wellbutrin. Interesting drug. Not sure what it's doing to me emotionally, but it has helped me overcome the 3 AM anxiety and the worry loop (wake bolt upright at 3 AM, in a panic, unable to get back to sleep from all the worry in the cyclic worry loop), and the bonus benefit is that it has totally killed off my appetite. I started this year topped out at 187. I'm down to 174 and losing, since June, in part because of the South Beach Diet (not strictly adhering, just adjusting my own eating habits) and in part because of the drugs. The slogan should be "feel great, look great".
By the second week of July, I rediscovered my motivation, and began more frequent trips to the barn. We had some great sessions, some OK sessions, and the last one was... well, awful as far as teaching goes, but great also because I discovered how good her "stick-to-me" game is and how good our BringBack at Liberty is getting. I've also discovered big major gaping Holes in my L1 knowledge base.
For example, I'm sending her wrong on the Squeeze game. No wonder she gets confused! The Send position for Circling is, you're facing the horse, and you spread out your legs, turn in the direction you want her to go and point and look that way. The Send for Squeeze... well, imagine we're in a round corral and there's a barrel lying on its side scooched up next to the fence. I'm standing lined up with the barrel facing the fence. She's supposed to squeeze between me and the fence and over the barrel (jump). Beginning position, the horse is off to my right.
What I've been doing:
- Facing the fence
- Opposite shoulder (side she'll land on) parallel to the fence
- Point to where I want her to land
- Face the horse
- Opposite shoulder perpendicular to the fence, meaning my body forms a 90° angle to the fence
- Point to where I want her to land
No wonder she looks at me funny before hesitantly taking the jump.
So I've spent the past few blisteringly hot dishrag days in front of the fan reading my L2 pocket guides very very carefully, step by plodding step, and watching not only the first L2 video several times (taking copious notes and pausing the tape when necessary) but also re-watching the L1 video several times and pausing at every step of each game to study Pat's exact positions.
The interesting thing is that everything on the video looks different now that I'm in L2; I understand why the Games are so important, and I now see very clearly how critical it is that you get the positions and steps right at L1 before tackling L2, because L2 builds on those steps. They truly are the foundation. Nobody understands what that means until they see the L2 tasks and it clicks in. The reason you put your left hand at the nose (Zone 1) and the right hand at the girth (Zone 2/3 cusp) for Porcupining the FQ is because in L2, you will alternate those hands to ask the horse not just to move the FQ around, but to move the far leg, then the near leg, and be able to control which leg goes first! I imagine by L3, maybe by the end of L2, you're not even touching the horse, you're just using the hand signals developed off of the original L1 Porcupine Game to ask your horse from 12 feet away to move the FQ away from you.
I've been kind of lax about it, because nobody ever pointed that out in a clinic. Suddenly, I'm paying closer attention to exactly what Pat demonstrates, and trying to think ahead as to what that might develop into down the road. (That must be a sign of increasing savvy.) I think that should be demonstrated in the clinics. The instructor should say, "I want you to practice it this way (L1 style) for now, but be very particular about hand placement because when you get to L2, you will use this same position to communicate to the individual legs [demonstrates], and later in L3 (or at Liberty), you'll influence the horse using the same positions from 12 feet away—so it's vital that you, and your horse, understand the Zones and how to influence them at L1 before moving into L2 and L3."
So I waffled for a month or so about signing up for Bruce's L2 clinic in Cincinnati in October, despite being offered a ride from the director of Serenity Farm (the therapeutic riding center for whom I designed and maintain the website) because I wasn't sure we'd be ready. Turns out it's an Advanced L2/Intro to L3 clinic. Yikes! I spoke with his business manager, Jen, one of the Cleveland NEON gals, about requirements for being in that level of a clinic. PNH doesn't specify much except that you are able to ride at walk trot and canter and are Official Level One (or have a large percentage of the tasks passed) and are currently studying L2. She went over some of the things Bruce emphasizes in his clinics, and my mission is to cram for the next two months.
Well, I'm pooped. That's enough of an update for now. My new year's resolution: to update my blog more frequently, as in daily or after every session/horseday. That way I won't forget a thing!
Saturday, May 01, 2004
Derby Day
Derby Day
I watched the Kentucky Derby today. Quite a downpour! I was expecting a more interesting race after watching earlier races from each contender at http://www.kentuckyderby.com, but it was rather cut-and-dried and therefore boring.
My Trifecta pick was:
1. Imperialism
2. Tapit
3. The Cliff's Edge
with Pollard's Vision fourth. Silly me.
At least Imperialism came in third. I was way off on the others. Smartypants Jones was 11th on my list. I based my pick on intuition (which obviously sucks) and from getting shivers watching how Imperialism consistently in three races broke last, stayed several lengths behind, only to put the pedal down after the last turn and race past the sure thing winners to win by several lengths. I thought he had it in the bag. Should have paid more attention to Smarty Jones record—unbeaten in 6 starts (now 7).
Smarty Jones made it this far—he'd better take the Triple Crown. We need one. It's been too long.
Hope it stops raining so I can get a ride in this weekend.
I watched the Kentucky Derby today. Quite a downpour! I was expecting a more interesting race after watching earlier races from each contender at http://www.kentuckyderby.com, but it was rather cut-and-dried and therefore boring.
My Trifecta pick was:
1. Imperialism
2. Tapit
3. The Cliff's Edge
with Pollard's Vision fourth. Silly me.
At least Imperialism came in third. I was way off on the others. Smartypants Jones was 11th on my list. I based my pick on intuition (which obviously sucks) and from getting shivers watching how Imperialism consistently in three races broke last, stayed several lengths behind, only to put the pedal down after the last turn and race past the sure thing winners to win by several lengths. I thought he had it in the bag. Should have paid more attention to Smarty Jones record—unbeaten in 6 starts (now 7).
Smarty Jones made it this far—he'd better take the Triple Crown. We need one. It's been too long.
Hope it stops raining so I can get a ride in this weekend.
I forgot to share the most heinous of all post-clinic occurrences.
About a month after FF, Truck and BD left, I received an interesting phone call from the barn manager. She said "I'm assuming you already know about this, but in case you didn't..."
The story from the barn manager was third-party, related by two other boarders who were present at the time. To preface this, allow me to explain that our barn is rather loose and casual. Everyone respects everyone else's stuff, and we rarely leave the tack room locked. We're all friends. We have the policy that if I have antibiotic ointment in my box and your horse gets injured and you need some, go ahead and borrow some as long as you put the tube back when you're done. It's cool as long as we don't abuse the privileges—and most people don't. Horse supplies are expensive. We can't all have a full tube of bute for that hopefully rare occasion we'd need it; so we share.
Except for equipment. That's off limits, unless you have prior permission granted. Mostly because saddles are chosen to fit the horse and rider specifically, and won't necessarily fit another's horse, and because they are darned pricey themselves. Everyone has different taste; some buy the most expensive saddle there is, while others buy used off-brands. But we all respect that. And we all feel comfortable leaving our halters and lead ropes or whathaveyou hanging from our stall doors or just loose near our tack boxes in the tack room. Because nobody's gonna bother them.
The barn manager said that 3P (third party) was in the barn, tacking up for a ride, when FF strolls in, acting like she owned the place. FF was now on her second barn, having moved twice in the span of a month. The new barn was across the state line, up into Michigan.
FF had an appointment scheduled to "train" someone's horse. Using Parelli methods. Which, if you bother to read the back of the pocket guides, is explicitly spelled out to be a HUGE no-no until you've become an Endorsed Instructor (which means you've passed L1, L2, and L3 and have been certified L3 for a minimum of six months; you've studied at the ISC; and have passed 1-star Apprentice and 2-star Junior Instructor status and are now 3-Star Endorsed Instructor and allowed to train/teach unsupervised—which involves about 5 years minimum of post-L1 education).
Of course, FF doesn't think that rule applies to her. She's been getting paid for a couple years now to "train" and "work with" other people's horses to "fix" problems, especially advanced problems with stallions and babies, an even HUGER no-no and strictly prohibited until you are at least Official L2 in the middle of L3—using Parelli's methods. Which would be ok, except that when she started, she wasn't even Official Level One, let alone anywhere near Endorsed. She's still in the midst of L2!!! So she's been turning a blind eye to the rules and breaking them methodically while smiling at Pat and Linda at the conferences and swearing she's following it to the letter. With fingers crossed behind her back.
But her "clients" aren't aware of this. They never even think to question the legitimacy of her "training" their horse. They just see the results she gets with her own beast (and buy the stories she sells them) and put her on a pedestal and she basks in the glory and offers to train their horse. For a fee. Which they gratefully agree to since most people have all kinds of problems with their horses. Even though that is erroneous, it's the horses who have people problems. But FF milks it for all she's worth. In fact, the reason she was so hot to make me fail my Assessment was to prevent my progress so I wouldn't take away her clients!!! Unbelievable! As if I am even interested in "training" other people's horses right now! Sh!t, I'm not even ready to take on my other unruly horse yet!
For one thing, I believe in adhering to the copyright laws and the threat of prosecution and possibly being banned from studying PNH if you go against the rules. For another thing, at Level One, I do not believe I have the capability or savvy level necessary to FIX every problem that might come down the pike. I have the foundation, I have the savvy to understand the basics of horse-human communication and why horses behave the way they do so I can see it from their POV, but I'm still green in so many ways. All of us are, until we are through with Level Three. Level One is just the beginning, the tip of the iceberg, and nobody under Level Three has any business even thinking they can train all horses. I would worry about doing more harm than good by making mistakes that an upper-level trainer will have to spend lots of time undoing down the road!
Just cuz you have training wheels on your bike does not mean you are ready to drive a sports car.
So FF was down in Ohio for one of her illegal "training" sessions at a nearby stable. And silly FF, she "forgot" all of her Parelli equipment up in Michigan. And she wasn't about to cancel the appointment or drive back up to Michigan to get it; why should she, when there's plenty of PNH equipment available nearby?
Are you following this?
Now, where do you think she'd have ready access to a whole pile of PNH equipment?
Yep, bright one, you figured it out.
She went after MY Parelli equipment.
The way 3P told it to the barn mgr, FF strolled on in, said a friendly hello to them, asked if I was around or if I was coming out. Nobody'd heard anything about my coming out. So she said she needed to borrow my stuff, that she was sure I wouldn't mind. She was gonna call me but my line was busy... well, "what she doesn't know won't hurt her, right?" big smile. And 3P thought nothing of it because FF made that lame excuse about having called me to ask me and besides, we were buds, weren't we?
And the bitch walked off with my PNH halter, my carrot stick, my savvy string, and my natural hackamore.
Now, as for the call, my line did NOT happen to be busy that day, because both myself and my housemate were at work. And there were no messages... oh, yeah, she told someone else she'd left a message on my machine letting me know she was borrowing my stuff. Lying cunt. Yes, I said cunt. So sue me. There were no messages on either my home or my cell phones. No emails either. Nothing.
So when I finally got home that night after working from 9 am to 10 pm at my old job, and got the barn mgr's message that FF had borrowed my equipment, she hoped FF'd called like she said she did, but she thought she should make me aware of it and that she thought most of the stuff had been returned.
I was dead tired and the last thing I wanted to do was drive to the barn at 10 at night, but that's what I did. I was so livid!!! The NERVE of that little... I roared out to the barn and I found that all my stuff was indeed returned, albeit extremely dirty, thank you very much, and I gathered up each and every bit of my PNH equipment and stuffed it into my trunk. That's where it's stayed since that day in October. I won't leave it there until I get a tack box with a lock. That makes me sad, because now I have to exclude my trusted friends because of one person's actions.
The thing that really pissed me off is that FF had absolutely NO business coming onto the property like that when she does not board there anymore. She had no right to enter that barn and mess with someone else's stuff. To remove it from the stall door was bad enough. To put it in HER car and drive it OFF the property is tantamount to stealing, and had I gone out to the barn while it was still gone, I would have called the cops and had her arrested. But since it all came back, I had no recourse. I made a point of telling everyone at the barn that my equipment AND my horses are off limits to FF, no matter what story she tries to sell.
I could have strangled her.
The obvious first thought that came to my head was that it was a thinly-veiled attempt to hinder my progress further. She knows my employment status, my financial status—both of which have been nil since May 2002 save for that brief stint with my former employer. She knows I wouldn't have the money to replace the equipment right away, and that without equipment, I can't continue. Wouldn't that be perfect? Maybe it was a test to see how I'd react, and that's why she put the stuff back. To see if I'd have the balls to call her on it or just whimper and whine and let her get away with it. I did neither. I didn't contact her, and I didn't whimper. I just removed the temptation. Or maybe what little shred of conscience she actually possesses prompted her to put it back.
That night, I laid in bed worrying. The realization that borrowing my equipment might have been an attempt to throw off my progress got me thinking about what lengths she might actually go to if she perceived that I was a "threat" to her becoming Top Dog. I honestly can't see why she'd think that! My motives for studying PNH aren't even up the same alley as hers! All I want is to feel safe and confident with horses and know what to do with them. I've toyed with the idea of being an instructor, but the fact is, I don't know if I've "got it" to be one; nor do I have the finances necessary to pursue it; plus it takes a lot of time and I really need employment soon. I can't live on air for five to ten years while I become an Instructor. I don't have a rich husband who entertains my every whim and who will pay for my ISC coursework, nor do I have the inclination to risk it all by illegally training horses for money while I study. I'm not interested in competing. She might be, but I'm not. I'm not a threat to anyone!
As I was laying there wide-eyed and worried, I wondered... I allowed myself to examine the possibility that I'd shoved firmly away at the time that maybe FF was somehow behind the break-in. Whomever came in wasn't interested in any of the pricey stuff that could be sold or used. They pretty much went straight for the cash. In MY room. They didn't get any of my housemate's cash. But they took the money set aside for the mortgage. FF had been in my home a couple of times. FF had the grand tour so I could show off my newly-decorated master bedroom. FF likely noticed that I kept my cash foolishly on top of the dresser. FF also knew my schedule and habits from having been friends, and had been married to a cop.
Stuff was "gone through" to make it look good but ONLY the cash was taken. And the housemate's old camcorder. How would that hurt me, you ask? Simple. You can submit video assessments to PNH. Video cameras are very expensive. So... take the cash so the mortgage can't be paid, and take the camcorder so the videos can't be made... gee, now I'm really screwed. Plus, mess up the front door so I have to come up with cash to fix it.
You might ask, why not take the PNH course materials then, since they are sitting right there on the bookshelf in the living room? Duh. Too obvious! Fingers would point right at her. If my money, my video access, and my PNH equipment is all gone, I can't very well move forward, can I? Quite the delay. So I'm laying there mulling this over, freaking.
My worst fear was that she'd up the ante and go after my horse next. Maybe one day, FF would "decide" that my good mare would be "better off with her", and hook up her trailer and drive off with her when nobody was looking. Yes, really, the thought crossed my mind. It still does, occasionally. I know she wants a second horse to get her through L2, and she always said my mare would be perfect for that. She's always been covetous of my horses, because both of them are quite good-looking and muscled, and hers is a Paint with too much racehorse in him. He's butt-ugly. But he's so ugly he's cute. She calls him... the Camel. Yes, that probably is too detailed for safety, but I don't care anymore. She envies my horses. She wants them. Hers likes to run off with her and run into things, break her knee, stuff like that. Not mine. Mine listen.
Or maybe she'd be crueler, do something awful to my horse to hurt or kill her, and ruin my horse's life as well as mine? No horse, no progress.
Knowing the criminal mindset of FF that's emerging, wouldn't YOU worry?
Or maybe I'm just being really paranoid.
Nevertheless, I wanted to pack up my horses and run far, far away where she would never find us.
How dare she trespass and "borrow" my equipment w/o my permission after betraying me like that and trying to ruin my progress but settling for ruining my celebration? How dare she?
No words. No more words left. Unbelieveable.
About a month after FF, Truck and BD left, I received an interesting phone call from the barn manager. She said "I'm assuming you already know about this, but in case you didn't..."
The story from the barn manager was third-party, related by two other boarders who were present at the time. To preface this, allow me to explain that our barn is rather loose and casual. Everyone respects everyone else's stuff, and we rarely leave the tack room locked. We're all friends. We have the policy that if I have antibiotic ointment in my box and your horse gets injured and you need some, go ahead and borrow some as long as you put the tube back when you're done. It's cool as long as we don't abuse the privileges—and most people don't. Horse supplies are expensive. We can't all have a full tube of bute for that hopefully rare occasion we'd need it; so we share.
Except for equipment. That's off limits, unless you have prior permission granted. Mostly because saddles are chosen to fit the horse and rider specifically, and won't necessarily fit another's horse, and because they are darned pricey themselves. Everyone has different taste; some buy the most expensive saddle there is, while others buy used off-brands. But we all respect that. And we all feel comfortable leaving our halters and lead ropes or whathaveyou hanging from our stall doors or just loose near our tack boxes in the tack room. Because nobody's gonna bother them.
The barn manager said that 3P (third party) was in the barn, tacking up for a ride, when FF strolls in, acting like she owned the place. FF was now on her second barn, having moved twice in the span of a month. The new barn was across the state line, up into Michigan.
FF had an appointment scheduled to "train" someone's horse. Using Parelli methods. Which, if you bother to read the back of the pocket guides, is explicitly spelled out to be a HUGE no-no until you've become an Endorsed Instructor (which means you've passed L1, L2, and L3 and have been certified L3 for a minimum of six months; you've studied at the ISC; and have passed 1-star Apprentice and 2-star Junior Instructor status and are now 3-Star Endorsed Instructor and allowed to train/teach unsupervised—which involves about 5 years minimum of post-L1 education).
Of course, FF doesn't think that rule applies to her. She's been getting paid for a couple years now to "train" and "work with" other people's horses to "fix" problems, especially advanced problems with stallions and babies, an even HUGER no-no and strictly prohibited until you are at least Official L2 in the middle of L3—using Parelli's methods. Which would be ok, except that when she started, she wasn't even Official Level One, let alone anywhere near Endorsed. She's still in the midst of L2!!! So she's been turning a blind eye to the rules and breaking them methodically while smiling at Pat and Linda at the conferences and swearing she's following it to the letter. With fingers crossed behind her back.
But her "clients" aren't aware of this. They never even think to question the legitimacy of her "training" their horse. They just see the results she gets with her own beast (and buy the stories she sells them) and put her on a pedestal and she basks in the glory and offers to train their horse. For a fee. Which they gratefully agree to since most people have all kinds of problems with their horses. Even though that is erroneous, it's the horses who have people problems. But FF milks it for all she's worth. In fact, the reason she was so hot to make me fail my Assessment was to prevent my progress so I wouldn't take away her clients!!! Unbelievable! As if I am even interested in "training" other people's horses right now! Sh!t, I'm not even ready to take on my other unruly horse yet!
For one thing, I believe in adhering to the copyright laws and the threat of prosecution and possibly being banned from studying PNH if you go against the rules. For another thing, at Level One, I do not believe I have the capability or savvy level necessary to FIX every problem that might come down the pike. I have the foundation, I have the savvy to understand the basics of horse-human communication and why horses behave the way they do so I can see it from their POV, but I'm still green in so many ways. All of us are, until we are through with Level Three. Level One is just the beginning, the tip of the iceberg, and nobody under Level Three has any business even thinking they can train all horses. I would worry about doing more harm than good by making mistakes that an upper-level trainer will have to spend lots of time undoing down the road!
Just cuz you have training wheels on your bike does not mean you are ready to drive a sports car.
So FF was down in Ohio for one of her illegal "training" sessions at a nearby stable. And silly FF, she "forgot" all of her Parelli equipment up in Michigan. And she wasn't about to cancel the appointment or drive back up to Michigan to get it; why should she, when there's plenty of PNH equipment available nearby?
Are you following this?
Now, where do you think she'd have ready access to a whole pile of PNH equipment?
Yep, bright one, you figured it out.
She went after MY Parelli equipment.
The way 3P told it to the barn mgr, FF strolled on in, said a friendly hello to them, asked if I was around or if I was coming out. Nobody'd heard anything about my coming out. So she said she needed to borrow my stuff, that she was sure I wouldn't mind. She was gonna call me but my line was busy... well, "what she doesn't know won't hurt her, right?" big smile. And 3P thought nothing of it because FF made that lame excuse about having called me to ask me and besides, we were buds, weren't we?
And the bitch walked off with my PNH halter, my carrot stick, my savvy string, and my natural hackamore.
Now, as for the call, my line did NOT happen to be busy that day, because both myself and my housemate were at work. And there were no messages... oh, yeah, she told someone else she'd left a message on my machine letting me know she was borrowing my stuff. Lying cunt. Yes, I said cunt. So sue me. There were no messages on either my home or my cell phones. No emails either. Nothing.
So when I finally got home that night after working from 9 am to 10 pm at my old job, and got the barn mgr's message that FF had borrowed my equipment, she hoped FF'd called like she said she did, but she thought she should make me aware of it and that she thought most of the stuff had been returned.
I was dead tired and the last thing I wanted to do was drive to the barn at 10 at night, but that's what I did. I was so livid!!! The NERVE of that little... I roared out to the barn and I found that all my stuff was indeed returned, albeit extremely dirty, thank you very much, and I gathered up each and every bit of my PNH equipment and stuffed it into my trunk. That's where it's stayed since that day in October. I won't leave it there until I get a tack box with a lock. That makes me sad, because now I have to exclude my trusted friends because of one person's actions.
The thing that really pissed me off is that FF had absolutely NO business coming onto the property like that when she does not board there anymore. She had no right to enter that barn and mess with someone else's stuff. To remove it from the stall door was bad enough. To put it in HER car and drive it OFF the property is tantamount to stealing, and had I gone out to the barn while it was still gone, I would have called the cops and had her arrested. But since it all came back, I had no recourse. I made a point of telling everyone at the barn that my equipment AND my horses are off limits to FF, no matter what story she tries to sell.
I could have strangled her.
The obvious first thought that came to my head was that it was a thinly-veiled attempt to hinder my progress further. She knows my employment status, my financial status—both of which have been nil since May 2002 save for that brief stint with my former employer. She knows I wouldn't have the money to replace the equipment right away, and that without equipment, I can't continue. Wouldn't that be perfect? Maybe it was a test to see how I'd react, and that's why she put the stuff back. To see if I'd have the balls to call her on it or just whimper and whine and let her get away with it. I did neither. I didn't contact her, and I didn't whimper. I just removed the temptation. Or maybe what little shred of conscience she actually possesses prompted her to put it back.
That night, I laid in bed worrying. The realization that borrowing my equipment might have been an attempt to throw off my progress got me thinking about what lengths she might actually go to if she perceived that I was a "threat" to her becoming Top Dog. I honestly can't see why she'd think that! My motives for studying PNH aren't even up the same alley as hers! All I want is to feel safe and confident with horses and know what to do with them. I've toyed with the idea of being an instructor, but the fact is, I don't know if I've "got it" to be one; nor do I have the finances necessary to pursue it; plus it takes a lot of time and I really need employment soon. I can't live on air for five to ten years while I become an Instructor. I don't have a rich husband who entertains my every whim and who will pay for my ISC coursework, nor do I have the inclination to risk it all by illegally training horses for money while I study. I'm not interested in competing. She might be, but I'm not. I'm not a threat to anyone!
As I was laying there wide-eyed and worried, I wondered... I allowed myself to examine the possibility that I'd shoved firmly away at the time that maybe FF was somehow behind the break-in. Whomever came in wasn't interested in any of the pricey stuff that could be sold or used. They pretty much went straight for the cash. In MY room. They didn't get any of my housemate's cash. But they took the money set aside for the mortgage. FF had been in my home a couple of times. FF had the grand tour so I could show off my newly-decorated master bedroom. FF likely noticed that I kept my cash foolishly on top of the dresser. FF also knew my schedule and habits from having been friends, and had been married to a cop.
Stuff was "gone through" to make it look good but ONLY the cash was taken. And the housemate's old camcorder. How would that hurt me, you ask? Simple. You can submit video assessments to PNH. Video cameras are very expensive. So... take the cash so the mortgage can't be paid, and take the camcorder so the videos can't be made... gee, now I'm really screwed. Plus, mess up the front door so I have to come up with cash to fix it.
You might ask, why not take the PNH course materials then, since they are sitting right there on the bookshelf in the living room? Duh. Too obvious! Fingers would point right at her. If my money, my video access, and my PNH equipment is all gone, I can't very well move forward, can I? Quite the delay. So I'm laying there mulling this over, freaking.
My worst fear was that she'd up the ante and go after my horse next. Maybe one day, FF would "decide" that my good mare would be "better off with her", and hook up her trailer and drive off with her when nobody was looking. Yes, really, the thought crossed my mind. It still does, occasionally. I know she wants a second horse to get her through L2, and she always said my mare would be perfect for that. She's always been covetous of my horses, because both of them are quite good-looking and muscled, and hers is a Paint with too much racehorse in him. He's butt-ugly. But he's so ugly he's cute. She calls him... the Camel. Yes, that probably is too detailed for safety, but I don't care anymore. She envies my horses. She wants them. Hers likes to run off with her and run into things, break her knee, stuff like that. Not mine. Mine listen.
Or maybe she'd be crueler, do something awful to my horse to hurt or kill her, and ruin my horse's life as well as mine? No horse, no progress.
Knowing the criminal mindset of FF that's emerging, wouldn't YOU worry?
Or maybe I'm just being really paranoid.
Nevertheless, I wanted to pack up my horses and run far, far away where she would never find us.
How dare she trespass and "borrow" my equipment w/o my permission after betraying me like that and trying to ruin my progress but settling for ruining my celebration? How dare she?
No words. No more words left. Unbelieveable.
Saturday, April 17, 2004
Barn Update
I forgot to mention all of the changes around the barn. We'll start with humans then move on to horses.
HUMANS
Shortly after my August post, once the weather cooled a bit, I returned to the barn to discover that FF, BD, and Truck had left the building. Permanently. First, they rented a barn together on another side of the park. That lasted a month. Then FF had a falling out with Truck. Truck stayed; FF moved with BD to BD's daughter's barn up north. Within another month, FF had ruined those relationships with details too personal to go into here out of respect for the privacy of BD and others, and had moved a third time. This time, to a snooty barn on the other side of the park that has a covered arena for year-round work. So far FF hasn't pissed off anyone over there; FF is hosting another clinic in May.
I was tempted to sign up me & WF, because no trailer would be needed—I could just trot through the park, stable her, have someone pick me up and take me back to my barn to my car. But I realized it would entail three days of exposure to FF, plus $600 I didn't have, plus the inevitable argument between myself and FF about whether or not I would be "allowed" in. FF's website has a requirement posted about having "attended at least two L2 clinics" prior to registering for this one. Well. What does that mean? Attended as in audited, or attended as in rode my horse in it? I've audited three L2 clinics. I've yet to ride in one. I realize that it's yet another pile of bull built by FF to keep the ones FF doesn't want "interfering" with FF's progress, and decided to opt out.
So far I'm signed on to two other L2 clinics later in the year, which gives us plenty of practice time. And these clinics don't have such ridiculous exclusionary requirements. All you need is to be Official Level One, which I am, and be about 1/3 of the way through the L2 material, which I will be by then. WF is progressing so nicely, I can't see that as being a problem; my guess is it'll be more like 1/2 way through by August. Look out, FF—my good horse and I are hot on your heels.
Truck has not been heard from since, although I have no problem with Truck personally; just Truck + FF. ANYONE + FF is a bad combination, one to be avoided. I've found that the local horse world is difficult to traverse when you aren't certain where loyalties stand. FF hasn't managed to piss off all of NW Ohio yet, but that will happen soon enough.
BD and I are on friendly terms although since BD boards elsewhere, contact has been limited. Hopefully BD, the daughter and I will hook up for a trail ride soon. BD has announced that ties to FF have been permanently and irrevocably cut this time, and that FF's last chance has expired. This is good news. However, I'm playing my cards close until I'm 100% sure of this. Time will tell. I have to make sure BD's resolve is unwavering this time.
Obviously, I'm still avoiding FF at all costs. From the rumors I'm hearing, FF is doing a fine job of turning off a lot of people to PNH. That is very sad. It is people like FF who give good things a bad name. I'm doing all I can to reverse that opinion and continue to represent myself and PNH in the most positive light. I hope that I'm a worthy ambassador for the program.
HORSES
Casey has been sold and replaced with Junior, who was renamed Moondancer by Rita. Rita finally succumbed to her fear. The final straw was when Casey put Kathleen in the hospital after bucking her off on a trail ride. Kathleen can ride anything with hair. And yet, Kathleen wound up with a sprained back and on crutches for weeks because of her antics. Rita's fear of being hurt again was so great she no longer trusted the horse at all, so she traded her in. I miss her. She was beautiful. Moondancer isn't much to look at, but he's supposedly a calm horse. I haven't been out enough to know yet.
We have a mama and baby at the barn now! Nové is the mama and Bella is the baby. Bella is a 9-month-old Traekner/Oldenburg cross and she is adorable!!! So soft. So friendly. So curious. So BIG for a baby! I am in love. I want a baby horse. I have baby brain, but for horses.
That's all the real news. It's been 70s-80s this week so the barn is filling up again and people are cleaning tack, grooming the woolly mammoths, and realizing that all that Thanksgiving turkey is interfering with their ability to mount without a stepstool! I'm thankful we survived. Thank god for horses. They make life worth living.
I forgot to mention all of the changes around the barn. We'll start with humans then move on to horses.
HUMANS
Shortly after my August post, once the weather cooled a bit, I returned to the barn to discover that FF, BD, and Truck had left the building. Permanently. First, they rented a barn together on another side of the park. That lasted a month. Then FF had a falling out with Truck. Truck stayed; FF moved with BD to BD's daughter's barn up north. Within another month, FF had ruined those relationships with details too personal to go into here out of respect for the privacy of BD and others, and had moved a third time. This time, to a snooty barn on the other side of the park that has a covered arena for year-round work. So far FF hasn't pissed off anyone over there; FF is hosting another clinic in May.
I was tempted to sign up me & WF, because no trailer would be needed—I could just trot through the park, stable her, have someone pick me up and take me back to my barn to my car. But I realized it would entail three days of exposure to FF, plus $600 I didn't have, plus the inevitable argument between myself and FF about whether or not I would be "allowed" in. FF's website has a requirement posted about having "attended at least two L2 clinics" prior to registering for this one. Well. What does that mean? Attended as in audited, or attended as in rode my horse in it? I've audited three L2 clinics. I've yet to ride in one. I realize that it's yet another pile of bull built by FF to keep the ones FF doesn't want "interfering" with FF's progress, and decided to opt out.
So far I'm signed on to two other L2 clinics later in the year, which gives us plenty of practice time. And these clinics don't have such ridiculous exclusionary requirements. All you need is to be Official Level One, which I am, and be about 1/3 of the way through the L2 material, which I will be by then. WF is progressing so nicely, I can't see that as being a problem; my guess is it'll be more like 1/2 way through by August. Look out, FF—my good horse and I are hot on your heels.
Truck has not been heard from since, although I have no problem with Truck personally; just Truck + FF. ANYONE + FF is a bad combination, one to be avoided. I've found that the local horse world is difficult to traverse when you aren't certain where loyalties stand. FF hasn't managed to piss off all of NW Ohio yet, but that will happen soon enough.
BD and I are on friendly terms although since BD boards elsewhere, contact has been limited. Hopefully BD, the daughter and I will hook up for a trail ride soon. BD has announced that ties to FF have been permanently and irrevocably cut this time, and that FF's last chance has expired. This is good news. However, I'm playing my cards close until I'm 100% sure of this. Time will tell. I have to make sure BD's resolve is unwavering this time.
Obviously, I'm still avoiding FF at all costs. From the rumors I'm hearing, FF is doing a fine job of turning off a lot of people to PNH. That is very sad. It is people like FF who give good things a bad name. I'm doing all I can to reverse that opinion and continue to represent myself and PNH in the most positive light. I hope that I'm a worthy ambassador for the program.
HORSES
Casey has been sold and replaced with Junior, who was renamed Moondancer by Rita. Rita finally succumbed to her fear. The final straw was when Casey put Kathleen in the hospital after bucking her off on a trail ride. Kathleen can ride anything with hair. And yet, Kathleen wound up with a sprained back and on crutches for weeks because of her antics. Rita's fear of being hurt again was so great she no longer trusted the horse at all, so she traded her in. I miss her. She was beautiful. Moondancer isn't much to look at, but he's supposedly a calm horse. I haven't been out enough to know yet.
We have a mama and baby at the barn now! Nové is the mama and Bella is the baby. Bella is a 9-month-old Traekner/Oldenburg cross and she is adorable!!! So soft. So friendly. So curious. So BIG for a baby! I am in love. I want a baby horse. I have baby brain, but for horses.
That's all the real news. It's been 70s-80s this week so the barn is filling up again and people are cleaning tack, grooming the woolly mammoths, and realizing that all that Thanksgiving turkey is interfering with their ability to mount without a stepstool! I'm thankful we survived. Thank god for horses. They make life worth living.
Time Flies
The date of my last post turned out to be a harrowing day. Not only was I still upset from the unfairness and betrayal experienced at the hands of FF, but I also returned home from a day visiting my parents to find the window in my front door punched out by a large rock (which was still sitting in the middle of my living room); the door leading out to my garage wide open; and two out of three terrified cats hiding. The third cat remained lost for three more hours, leading to three hours of growing grief and fear that he had been taken by the burglars (perhaps as a sacrifice?) or escaped when they did and had been hit. How does one lose a 25-pound cat? The answer: he wedges himself between the wall and the back of the refrigerator, two feet up off the ground and doesn't squeak for three hours. It was the only place I hadn't looked, that I couldn't imagine him fitting into. All cats were henceforth deemed purrresent and accounted fur, and have slowly gotten over the psychological damage caused by having their safe haven demoralized and trespassed against.
The robber or robbers were actually quite neat about it. They closed the drawers most of the way after rummaging through them and left most stuff where it was. They made off with all of my loose change (about $30), the cash my housemate had just given me for rent and expenses that hadn't yet made it into the bank or used for board ($500), and my housemate's old video camera (hah, joke's on the robbers, it's broken beyond repair anyway). The rock was used with such force that they caused irrepairable damage to the window frame in the door.
The cops came, of course, and I sent them down, guns drawn, to check the basement bc I wasn't sure if they were still in the house and so I'd locked the basement door immediately upon realizing we'd had a break-in to keep them down there. There's no real exit other than the door unless you are tiny, agile and weigh about 50 pounds and can squeeze through the windows past all the debris that's collected in the window wells outside. Thankfully, nobody was there; the cops, however, were quite freaked out—shocked into silence, in fact—when they encountered the five shelving units full of Mage Knight figures staring at them. They took the report, and that was that.
Naturally, this occurred on a Sunday evening, and I was scheduled to start back at my old job on a contract basis the next day. One and a half years of unemployment, my old employer hires me back temporarily, and I have to call in "sick" the very first day because I have to spend the day shoring up the damaged and no longer secure door, shop for a new door, arrange for emergency installation, interview various security companies about turning on the alarm system, and make a gazillion phone calls to insurance and all my credit card companies. Until I cleaned up the mess in the bedroom, I was under the impression that they'd taken the cards too. They didn't. They only took the cash and the camera. And my sense of security and safety, but insurance doesn't cover that. I wouldn't have been in any shape to work the next day anyway.
We cleaned up some of the glass (the entire double-paned 20x30 window had shattered and left a 13-foot-long trail from front door into the kitchen) and my housemate locked the door, put duct tape over the lock, taped cardboard over the window, and stuck a chair under the knob and a huge heavy box against the chair. Confident that that was enough to prevent further intrusion for the night, he went on up to bed and passed out. I, however, wasn't so complacent, and slept sitting up on the couch, fully clothed, with a baseball bat in one hand and my cell phone in the other, jolting awake and jumping out of my skin at every unfamiliar sound. My employer was forgiving, however; I only lost a day and a half of employable time and I managed to squeak about six week's worth of projects out of them before returning to the ranks of the woefully over-educated and unemployed.
It took two months of paperwork and phone calls to straighten out the insurance claims. My reimbursement was enough to cover the cost of the door replacement but that was about it (my housemate is still waiting for his claim to be settled. Nationwide truly was on my side—Allstate, however, is now referred to as Always Late). The good news is, I finally got the new front door I'd been whining about needing. The bad news is, I had to settle for a very unremarkable yet much safer door instead of the gorgeous $1,000 wood door with central skinny arched glass panel that I'd been dreaming of for months. Besides the fact that the insurance company snorted at the price because the original door that came with the house was 25 years old and looked like the $200 doors available today, I deemed that it would be very easy to smash through the central panel with another rock, reach in, and unlock the door. My dream door was no longer safe.
With that behind me, I tried to make the most of the remaining nice fall days, having spent the bulk of the year's best riding time stuck in that windowless office for 40+ hours per week. Then winter and the holidays came, and my horse days were on hold. We were blessed with a few nice days in January, so I got in a "New Year's" ride three days into 2004. That ride started out wonderfully but changed drastically on the way back home. We were due for a big storm, and the horses could sense it. Wildflower became very insistent that we get back to the barn RIGHTNOW and nearly tore my arms off fighting for control. If I'd let her, she would have galloped back home off the trails, over the river and through the woods without so much as a glance to see if that last branch had dismounted me or not.
The remainder of winter became Remodeling Month. As it is with all home improvement projects, two weeks turned into two months but it finally was finished. A cat vs. scanner incident that resulted in the scanner going out of focus and no longer scanning photos clearly lead me to gut and remodel my smallest bedroom so I could move office upstairs instead of leaving it in Grand Central Living Room. Primer, paint, baseboard, bi-fold closet doors, pergo, and all my hard work have produced a lovely lilac and white retreat that is now my bedroom. The master has become my office, complete with gargantuan corner workstation. The living room has been rearranged into a much more pleasing and sparse layout. It's so empty now it feels like a cavern. The temptation to fill it up with "stuff" is hard to overcome.
And here we are. April 2004. It has been eight months almost to the day since my last post. Taxes have come and gone. I find it perplexing that it is more complicated to figure taxes when you're not working than when you are. And why is it that when you are gainfully employed, the government happily gives you money back in the form of refund, but when you are unemployed and need it most, they demand that you pay? Part of the problem is that the former employer sent a 1099-MISC instead of a W-2. Way to send a subtle message: non-employee compensation. OK, I get it. You don't really want me back, you just wanted to use me for awhile in a pinch. I get it.
At least I had some work for awhile.
The coup d'état was that I finally had the chance to reject them. They wanted to keep me on an unpaid retainer—meaning, when they called and said jump, I'd jump. Oh, please, yes, I'm so desperate, please more crumbs, thank you. I had things to do. I was preparing a submission for SXSW, the annual music/art/film festival in Austin. I needed time to finish recording, mix it, package it, get photos taken, write my bio, etc. The deadline was drawing near. I'd already paid the submission fee; backing out because they had a pithy job for me to do was out of the question. So I mustered up my tiny shiny set of balls, the ones I keep locked away in a drawer and out of use, and said thank you but no thanks, I have a project to complete for one of my private clients that has been on hold during my tenure here and I need to prioritize that because they have a deadline coming up.
Not a complete lie; OK, so I'm the client and the project is a demo CD, but nonetheless, it was important to ME, therefore it was due some priority. I finished the project and made the deadline, and the old workplace slowed down so I wasn't needed anyway (still aren't). SXSW didn't invite me to showcase after all, but at least I had the satisfaction of putting my own needs first for a change, prioritizing my musical endeavors, and having the balls to stand up for it all. And I made the deadline. I didn't blow it this time.
Horse-wise, not a lot went on these past months. My other horse, Cheerios, gave me a fright when he developed a sore under his chin. Because he came with a lump on his shoulder that three vets passed off as nothing to worry about, I was concerned and sought the opinion of a fourth vet. He had a needle biopsy that produced great globs of yellow fluid when the needle penetrated the lump (which surprised the vet who wasn't anticipating that, and grossed me out completely) but the results were inconclusive. He then had a tissue biopsy which resulted in three stitches, three staples, more fluid, a few particles, and very benign results: "connective tissue with some fat and mild lymphocytic steatitis". Not cancer, not an infection. End diagnosis: he'd suffered an injury to the area before I'd gotten him (prior to 2001) and the fluid had nowhere to go as it healed so it had just collected.
Nothing to worry about. Unrelated to the chin lump, which went away after 10 days of nightly trips to the barn in the middle of February to hold hot Epsom salt compresses on it.
On tax day, I spent the day at the barn. Hey, I did my taxes the night before—I was allowed. I played with Wildflower. Kind of a get-reacquainted, groom-the-winter-off-of-ya kind of thing to see where things stood after months of non-activity. It would appear that giving them time to "brew" is a good thing! She responded beautifully to the L1 refresher session, mounted and online, and At Liberty Online. Not that she's going 20 feet yet at liberty, but she took enough steps that I can see progress and a definite change from where we left off.
I had a huge triumph, too. Our Sideways Game mounted was acceptable but not gorgeous last year. I thought she might have forgotten, but she remembered fine this year. In fact, she surprised me with how easily she did it today. (Or maybe I surprised her with how easily I asked for it.)
So I said to myself, since we were having such a productive, happy day... what if I drop the lead rope reins (hook them around the horn—remember, now I do everything with a halter and lead rope, no bit or bridle)... and try to ask her for a sidepass using just my body language, mimicing the motions I do with the reins, my body, and legs?
She sidepassed perfectly, both sides. As easily as if I had the reins in my hand and was touching her.
I nearly fell out of the saddle laughing!
I just had to test it a little more (can't quit now) so I attempted to ride her around a little, guiding her only with my body (eyes, head, bellybutton, legs) and though it wasn't pretty or perfect, there was some delay between when I applied the question and when the light went on, there were hints of the future. She had a lot of "try" today; she made the connections a bit hesitantly, but she did figure out eventually that I was asking to turn left, turn right, indirect rein, baaaaaaack up (that was tough, took a lot of repeating and I only got one intentional step so far), trot, walk.
She hasn't figured out stop yet w/o reins (or I haven't). But I'm happy. A couple steps here and there, an attempt to decipher what I'm asking for, that's good enough for right now. I might actually be able to handle carrot stick riding, Cherokee Bridle and all (I wasn't so sure last year). I mean, doesn't it make sense that if you can get a response, however hesitant and sloppy, just using your body, you should be able to get a more refined response with the other tools? Or maybe it's the reverse, I don't know—we'll see!
That's what I'm guessin', anyway! All I know is, I can't wait for the day (far, far away) when I can chuck all the equipment and just hop on and ride like Carol and Pat and everyone does. Just look, and have the horse "be" there. What a free feeling! I got a tester spoonful today and I want more, more, more!!!!!
Of course, as we all know with horses being the way they are, I have to take today's experiences with a huge block of salt bc she probably won't do any of this again for a long, long time.;-) It's a tease. "yeah (says the horse)... I can do all this. when I want to... which is only when the moon and sun are aligned conjointly with venus in retrograde during the seventh quarter moon of the fourteenth year..."
At least I had my moment. It'll give me something to hold onto during the dark days to follow, when even a simple yo-yo game becomes a disappointing nightmare. One step backward.... two—er— C'mon. Just one. One step... no, not on my foot, backward, mare! Again. One step ba—ouch!!! Don't run me over! One step backward... good... two steps forw—dammit! sighhhhhhh
The date of my last post turned out to be a harrowing day. Not only was I still upset from the unfairness and betrayal experienced at the hands of FF, but I also returned home from a day visiting my parents to find the window in my front door punched out by a large rock (which was still sitting in the middle of my living room); the door leading out to my garage wide open; and two out of three terrified cats hiding. The third cat remained lost for three more hours, leading to three hours of growing grief and fear that he had been taken by the burglars (perhaps as a sacrifice?) or escaped when they did and had been hit. How does one lose a 25-pound cat? The answer: he wedges himself between the wall and the back of the refrigerator, two feet up off the ground and doesn't squeak for three hours. It was the only place I hadn't looked, that I couldn't imagine him fitting into. All cats were henceforth deemed purrresent and accounted fur, and have slowly gotten over the psychological damage caused by having their safe haven demoralized and trespassed against.
The robber or robbers were actually quite neat about it. They closed the drawers most of the way after rummaging through them and left most stuff where it was. They made off with all of my loose change (about $30), the cash my housemate had just given me for rent and expenses that hadn't yet made it into the bank or used for board ($500), and my housemate's old video camera (hah, joke's on the robbers, it's broken beyond repair anyway). The rock was used with such force that they caused irrepairable damage to the window frame in the door.
The cops came, of course, and I sent them down, guns drawn, to check the basement bc I wasn't sure if they were still in the house and so I'd locked the basement door immediately upon realizing we'd had a break-in to keep them down there. There's no real exit other than the door unless you are tiny, agile and weigh about 50 pounds and can squeeze through the windows past all the debris that's collected in the window wells outside. Thankfully, nobody was there; the cops, however, were quite freaked out—shocked into silence, in fact—when they encountered the five shelving units full of Mage Knight figures staring at them. They took the report, and that was that.
Naturally, this occurred on a Sunday evening, and I was scheduled to start back at my old job on a contract basis the next day. One and a half years of unemployment, my old employer hires me back temporarily, and I have to call in "sick" the very first day because I have to spend the day shoring up the damaged and no longer secure door, shop for a new door, arrange for emergency installation, interview various security companies about turning on the alarm system, and make a gazillion phone calls to insurance and all my credit card companies. Until I cleaned up the mess in the bedroom, I was under the impression that they'd taken the cards too. They didn't. They only took the cash and the camera. And my sense of security and safety, but insurance doesn't cover that. I wouldn't have been in any shape to work the next day anyway.
We cleaned up some of the glass (the entire double-paned 20x30 window had shattered and left a 13-foot-long trail from front door into the kitchen) and my housemate locked the door, put duct tape over the lock, taped cardboard over the window, and stuck a chair under the knob and a huge heavy box against the chair. Confident that that was enough to prevent further intrusion for the night, he went on up to bed and passed out. I, however, wasn't so complacent, and slept sitting up on the couch, fully clothed, with a baseball bat in one hand and my cell phone in the other, jolting awake and jumping out of my skin at every unfamiliar sound. My employer was forgiving, however; I only lost a day and a half of employable time and I managed to squeak about six week's worth of projects out of them before returning to the ranks of the woefully over-educated and unemployed.
It took two months of paperwork and phone calls to straighten out the insurance claims. My reimbursement was enough to cover the cost of the door replacement but that was about it (my housemate is still waiting for his claim to be settled. Nationwide truly was on my side—Allstate, however, is now referred to as Always Late). The good news is, I finally got the new front door I'd been whining about needing. The bad news is, I had to settle for a very unremarkable yet much safer door instead of the gorgeous $1,000 wood door with central skinny arched glass panel that I'd been dreaming of for months. Besides the fact that the insurance company snorted at the price because the original door that came with the house was 25 years old and looked like the $200 doors available today, I deemed that it would be very easy to smash through the central panel with another rock, reach in, and unlock the door. My dream door was no longer safe.
With that behind me, I tried to make the most of the remaining nice fall days, having spent the bulk of the year's best riding time stuck in that windowless office for 40+ hours per week. Then winter and the holidays came, and my horse days were on hold. We were blessed with a few nice days in January, so I got in a "New Year's" ride three days into 2004. That ride started out wonderfully but changed drastically on the way back home. We were due for a big storm, and the horses could sense it. Wildflower became very insistent that we get back to the barn RIGHTNOW and nearly tore my arms off fighting for control. If I'd let her, she would have galloped back home off the trails, over the river and through the woods without so much as a glance to see if that last branch had dismounted me or not.
The remainder of winter became Remodeling Month. As it is with all home improvement projects, two weeks turned into two months but it finally was finished. A cat vs. scanner incident that resulted in the scanner going out of focus and no longer scanning photos clearly lead me to gut and remodel my smallest bedroom so I could move office upstairs instead of leaving it in Grand Central Living Room. Primer, paint, baseboard, bi-fold closet doors, pergo, and all my hard work have produced a lovely lilac and white retreat that is now my bedroom. The master has become my office, complete with gargantuan corner workstation. The living room has been rearranged into a much more pleasing and sparse layout. It's so empty now it feels like a cavern. The temptation to fill it up with "stuff" is hard to overcome.
And here we are. April 2004. It has been eight months almost to the day since my last post. Taxes have come and gone. I find it perplexing that it is more complicated to figure taxes when you're not working than when you are. And why is it that when you are gainfully employed, the government happily gives you money back in the form of refund, but when you are unemployed and need it most, they demand that you pay? Part of the problem is that the former employer sent a 1099-MISC instead of a W-2. Way to send a subtle message: non-employee compensation. OK, I get it. You don't really want me back, you just wanted to use me for awhile in a pinch. I get it.
At least I had some work for awhile.
The coup d'état was that I finally had the chance to reject them. They wanted to keep me on an unpaid retainer—meaning, when they called and said jump, I'd jump. Oh, please, yes, I'm so desperate, please more crumbs, thank you. I had things to do. I was preparing a submission for SXSW, the annual music/art/film festival in Austin. I needed time to finish recording, mix it, package it, get photos taken, write my bio, etc. The deadline was drawing near. I'd already paid the submission fee; backing out because they had a pithy job for me to do was out of the question. So I mustered up my tiny shiny set of balls, the ones I keep locked away in a drawer and out of use, and said thank you but no thanks, I have a project to complete for one of my private clients that has been on hold during my tenure here and I need to prioritize that because they have a deadline coming up.
Not a complete lie; OK, so I'm the client and the project is a demo CD, but nonetheless, it was important to ME, therefore it was due some priority. I finished the project and made the deadline, and the old workplace slowed down so I wasn't needed anyway (still aren't). SXSW didn't invite me to showcase after all, but at least I had the satisfaction of putting my own needs first for a change, prioritizing my musical endeavors, and having the balls to stand up for it all. And I made the deadline. I didn't blow it this time.
Horse-wise, not a lot went on these past months. My other horse, Cheerios, gave me a fright when he developed a sore under his chin. Because he came with a lump on his shoulder that three vets passed off as nothing to worry about, I was concerned and sought the opinion of a fourth vet. He had a needle biopsy that produced great globs of yellow fluid when the needle penetrated the lump (which surprised the vet who wasn't anticipating that, and grossed me out completely) but the results were inconclusive. He then had a tissue biopsy which resulted in three stitches, three staples, more fluid, a few particles, and very benign results: "connective tissue with some fat and mild lymphocytic steatitis". Not cancer, not an infection. End diagnosis: he'd suffered an injury to the area before I'd gotten him (prior to 2001) and the fluid had nowhere to go as it healed so it had just collected.
Nothing to worry about. Unrelated to the chin lump, which went away after 10 days of nightly trips to the barn in the middle of February to hold hot Epsom salt compresses on it.
On tax day, I spent the day at the barn. Hey, I did my taxes the night before—I was allowed. I played with Wildflower. Kind of a get-reacquainted, groom-the-winter-off-of-ya kind of thing to see where things stood after months of non-activity. It would appear that giving them time to "brew" is a good thing! She responded beautifully to the L1 refresher session, mounted and online, and At Liberty Online. Not that she's going 20 feet yet at liberty, but she took enough steps that I can see progress and a definite change from where we left off.
I had a huge triumph, too. Our Sideways Game mounted was acceptable but not gorgeous last year. I thought she might have forgotten, but she remembered fine this year. In fact, she surprised me with how easily she did it today. (Or maybe I surprised her with how easily I asked for it.)
So I said to myself, since we were having such a productive, happy day... what if I drop the lead rope reins (hook them around the horn—remember, now I do everything with a halter and lead rope, no bit or bridle)... and try to ask her for a sidepass using just my body language, mimicing the motions I do with the reins, my body, and legs?
She sidepassed perfectly, both sides. As easily as if I had the reins in my hand and was touching her.
I nearly fell out of the saddle laughing!
I just had to test it a little more (can't quit now) so I attempted to ride her around a little, guiding her only with my body (eyes, head, bellybutton, legs) and though it wasn't pretty or perfect, there was some delay between when I applied the question and when the light went on, there were hints of the future. She had a lot of "try" today; she made the connections a bit hesitantly, but she did figure out eventually that I was asking to turn left, turn right, indirect rein, baaaaaaack up (that was tough, took a lot of repeating and I only got one intentional step so far), trot, walk.
She hasn't figured out stop yet w/o reins (or I haven't). But I'm happy. A couple steps here and there, an attempt to decipher what I'm asking for, that's good enough for right now. I might actually be able to handle carrot stick riding, Cherokee Bridle and all (I wasn't so sure last year). I mean, doesn't it make sense that if you can get a response, however hesitant and sloppy, just using your body, you should be able to get a more refined response with the other tools? Or maybe it's the reverse, I don't know—we'll see!
That's what I'm guessin', anyway! All I know is, I can't wait for the day (far, far away) when I can chuck all the equipment and just hop on and ride like Carol and Pat and everyone does. Just look, and have the horse "be" there. What a free feeling! I got a tester spoonful today and I want more, more, more!!!!!
Of course, as we all know with horses being the way they are, I have to take today's experiences with a huge block of salt bc she probably won't do any of this again for a long, long time.;-) It's a tease. "yeah (says the horse)... I can do all this. when I want to... which is only when the moon and sun are aligned conjointly with venus in retrograde during the seventh quarter moon of the fourteenth year..."
At least I had my moment. It'll give me something to hold onto during the dark days to follow, when even a simple yo-yo game becomes a disappointing nightmare. One step backward.... two—er— C'mon. Just one. One step... no, not on my foot, backward, mare! Again. One step ba—ouch!!! Don't run me over! One step backward... good... two steps forw—dammit! sighhhhhhh
Saturday, August 16, 2003
08.16.03
The ones who will make it into PNH Instructor's school aren't the Tonya Hardings of the world, I can tell you that. Every member of Parelli's organization is kind, generous, trustworthy, helpful, and truly supportive of others' goals. They are more concerned with seeing others move up in their levels than they are with their own success.
The Former Friend (FF), on the other hand, is all about themselves. More concerned with how they look in a class than what is being learned. Can't stand to look bad, not even for a second. Well, that's their problem, not mine. My goal in clinics is to learn and improve. If I look stupid doing something or make mistakes, great. The instructor will help me. That means I can learn something and be better next time. It's not a performance, for chrissakes.
FF has not contacted me since the clinic earlier this month, except to forward a couple of jokes and gloating PNH-related letters. No response to any of my emails, except for one, in which I was berated for not attending to my duties as a stall manager at the clinic. All misspellings are as it was sent to me (only the names have been changed):
The ones who will make it into PNH Instructor's school aren't the Tonya Hardings of the world, I can tell you that. Every member of Parelli's organization is kind, generous, trustworthy, helpful, and truly supportive of others' goals. They are more concerned with seeing others move up in their levels than they are with their own success.
The Former Friend (FF), on the other hand, is all about themselves. More concerned with how they look in a class than what is being learned. Can't stand to look bad, not even for a second. Well, that's their problem, not mine. My goal in clinics is to learn and improve. If I look stupid doing something or make mistakes, great. The instructor will help me. That means I can learn something and be better next time. It's not a performance, for chrissakes.
FF has not contacted me since the clinic earlier this month, except to forward a couple of jokes and gloating PNH-related letters. No response to any of my emails, except for one, in which I was berated for not attending to my duties as a stall manager at the clinic. All misspellings are as it was sent to me (only the names have been changed):
I hope you can handle the truth ... the point blank honeste of what I'm about to say here....
The problem is you expected Truck and I to bring your horse like last time without checking with us to see if we could. I expected you to have already made plans. I only found out you were expecting us to get your horse there the same day you had agreed to be there from 6-9 to check people in. The system I had ... thank God ... worked out even though you were not there. I'm sure you picked up on my being a bit miffed about not being able to count on you twice. I felt bad about not being more excited for you with your passing Level One but I had plenty of other things going on and not being able to count on you really let me down. I managed to be able to do it all and ride. Dealing with the toilet problem and everything and still rode in the clinic. I expected problems from OG, and the curve balls she keep tossing out there but from you. That hurt. I already have riders volunteering to work the next clinic so it will not be a problem next time.
Congratulation on your L 1. I really should have been more supportive about that at the clinic.
Yeah, and if you were a TRUE FRIEND, my dear, THAT would have been the priority.
It's been way too hot and muggy during this heatwave to be out at the barn, so I have no idea what the atmosphere has been like. Following the clinic, we had rain, rain, and more rain, rendering the round pen half-full of green stagnant water; the arena a mud lolly, and the mare's pasture a swamp of magnanimous proportions. I've had ONE session with WF. It went well; we played the games, I gave her withers a gooooood scratching with the end of the carrot stick that had her wiggling her upper lip and reaching around to groom my "withers". Then I worked on snappier transitions and quicker responses. Then it began raining. WF looked at me as if to say we are done now, aren't we? Silly horse. It's just liquid sunshine. Until the rope gets soaked through and muddy and becomes a heavy, unwieldy and ineffective mess. And then the rain cleared up and the heatwave began, and somewhere in the middle of it my motivation dried up.
The next chapter in this sorry tale concerns the NEON Savvy Camping Trip that was supposed to take place this weekend. The bunch of us from our barn were planning to meet up with members from the Cleveland NEON group for a horse-camping trip. My inquiry as to when we were going was ignored. Then I was anonymously forwarded an excerpt from an email from FF to someone else about the trip. It was about ME (as usual, names changed to descriptions):
Truth be told I just want to take up all the room in the trailer so that Jeanne could not pull one of her last minute "When are we taking the horses?"
She already sent me a e mail: I just don't have the stomach to put up with her for a hole weekend. A Male L1 Student was so pissed about her running into him in the clinic, I know she will never be welcome at there place for play days.
BD must feel bad for her because he told her there was no wedding he had to go to after the clinic. Said he couldn't lie to her. Well, he's lied to me enough times and never felt bad about it.
Find a horse to take for someone so we can say all the trailers are full. Hell if Truck does not go I'll just say it's My Horse, BD's Horse, and NB's Horse in my trailer with BD driving. I can't wait to hear from Truck. I'll plan to call her tomorrow. I want to talk to her before Jeanne talks to her.
The duplicitous cow is as mean as a half-skinned hungry snake! Telling someone else that they should all just LIE to me, oh the trailer's full, sorry, no room for you, boo hoo. The story is that apparently I am a direct threat to FF's success and progress in PNH—total bull, b/c your progress is completely up to your level of motivation, ability, and dedication to the work—therefore, I must be stopped or delayed and put out of the competition. The idea FF has is to ruin my confidence and turn everyone against me by spreading innocuous, easily-believable lies about me that if you don't know me, you might be inclined to believe but if you did know me and my character, you'd dismiss as crazy talk. Inhibit my progress, encourage newer students to hurry up and pass me (so I'll feel what—less capable?)—sorry, but that has the opposite effect: it only makes me more motivated to work harder and pass L2, b/c if they can do that already, I certainly shouldn't have any difficulty with it since I've been at it for much longer and it feels more natural. Surprisingly, IT WORKS. Seeing how sloppily the other L1 students were performing the tasks and hearing them pass only bolstered my belief that if that's all it takes to pass, we've got this licked, sticked, and delivered!
I'd sware profusely, but this is a family Blog.
I have no intention of further associating with FF, nor with Truck or any of the people who are even hesitantly friendly to FF. Especially not the ones whose loyalties flip flop from "best buddy" to "eh, we're not on speaking terms this week" and back the next. They can't be trusted with confidences b/c they'll confide in ME when they are "out", but turn my words against me when they are let back "in". I have to wonder if that isn't also part of the master plan, b/c the timing always seems to coincide.
The ones who are completely neutral and have no association with FF other than to nod and say "hi" as they pass in the barn, or the ones who have likewise been irrevocably wronged as I have, I will continue to be friendly to. But I think that my days of buddying up in the barn are over. I am on my own. It is me and my horses and our plan and no one else's. If that means I miss a clinic due to lack of a trailer, so be it. They accept videotaped submissions at PNH.
They'll figure FF out soon enough. Hell, FF told me once that the goal for the year was that Pat Parelli himself would know their name by the end of the year. Methinks the wish may be granted—but not in the manner they were hoping. More likely, it'll be litigation-induced, not favorably induced.
Me, I keep my nose clean, and maintain honesty and integrity in all of my practices. When I say something about somebody, even if it's negative, it is ALWAYS the truth. I don't lie. Not that they would know that, because they don't know what an honest person is. And I don't believe that we can further our goals by hurting those of others. The only way to achieve success is to WORK for it honestly. We'll just see who gets their L2 first. And we'll just see who might wind up an instructor. I really don't care, it's not a competition; but time will prove who the real horsepeople are, who has the talent, and who can be trusted.
08.06.03
Sometimes the Light is Too Bright
It all started with my ride to the Carol Coppinger clinic. My understanding, as it was explained to me by FF, was that anytime I needed a ride to a clinic or to borrow the trailer, all I had to do was ask. No problem. And don't worry about it, we will make sure you always have a ride to local clinics. What part of that, when you are specifically TOLD this, could be construed as "assuming"?
The original plan that was told to me was that my horse would be delivered to the clinic site on the Thursday before the clinic, and that after getting her settled, I was supposed to help the incoming L1 riders find their stalls, which I happily agreed to do. This arrangement was made at Bruce's clinic in May. We had discussed it several times since. All was a "go" for me to have the same hauling arrangement for Carol's clinic as for Bruce's. Of course, this was when I was still signed up for the Level TWO clinic.
Perhaps I should backtrack? Yes.
After successfully passing all but nine tasks on my L1 Assessment, I was certain that between May and August I could tighten up the problem areas and be ready for L2 in August. I registered for and paid for participation in the Level TWO clinic. I was accepted. All was well and good for the rest of May into June.
WF and I worked diligently to improve and to begin L2 tasks. I was only home 15 out of 30 days in June due to travelling, but our progress was going well. Then I was hit with a bombshell. FF, also the local clinic registrant and my supposed friend, informed me that I had been bumped back to the L1 clinic (without asking me first if that was acceptable) b/c the right was theirs to do and b/c several of the participants signed up for L2 had already passed L2 and therefore the clinic would be an Advanced L2 and too advanced for me to handle.
I was a bit put out. My response was to inquire as to L2 clinic requirements. I was told that I had to be Official L1 or have passed 90% of the tasks (I had passed 65%) and be working on L2 to qualify, but it was stressed that I would be so far behind the rest that they'd rather see me be the star L1 student than the worst-looking L2. Besides, it was being changed into an Advanced L1 clinic so I wouldn't be bored. Play on that self-confidence, why dontcha? But I backed down, b/c I still was operating under the belief that this came from my FRIEND, who wanted the best for me, who wanted to help me achieve my goals.
But my gut began to bark at me. I felt as if I was being manipulated, perhaps. A couple weeks went by. Then the story came out about the Other Girl. The Other Girl (OG) who had just passed L1 at Bruce's clinic and registered for L2 had been bumped back like me, and this girl stood up for herself and said, "no way—I paid for L2, I'm staying in L2." OG got to keep her L2 spot. The rest of the story developed later, when OG attended the first Play Group meeting that I missed due to being out of town. FF was demonstrating some L2 tasks and talking about the difficulties encountered with them, then focused pointedly on OG and said "you passed your L1 so you've been working on L2 now—you know what I'm talking about, right?" OG stammered and said that she hadn't really done anything with her horse since Bruce's clinic in May—then she said she supposed she'd better bump back to L1 as suggested, eh?
The response was "sorry, L1 is full, you'll just have to stay in L2 now" and that OG had better get her butt in gear and read ALL of the L2 booklets and practice like crazy between now and the clinic and just hope she'd be able to keep up, sorry but you should have taken my advice in the first place. When the story was relayed to me, FF said smugly "I could have been nice about it and just refunded her money and let her out of the clinic, but I wanted to make an example of her. Do you think that's too mean?"
I was horrified. I thought I'd best not push the L2 clinic spot issue much further. Just suck it up, stay in L1, and hope that it actually did become an Advanced clinic.
Then my pride got the better of me and I decided to call Carol myself. I called and explained that I'd been bumped to L1, but I'd already been to two L1 clinics, had nine more tasks to pass and two of them weren't a big deal, just nerves, and asked about requirements and Carol's response was to tell me what to do to fix the problem that was keeping us from passing the bulk of the tasks, then ask that I videotape them and send it to her along with the resubmit fee ($60) and she'd help me get out of L1 and if I did, there's no reason why I couldn't be in the L2.
Needless to say, I never got it videotaped b/c one task, the Figure 8 at the Trot, kept eluding us, and despite my asking my supposed friend for help, I never got it. Around the fifth time I asked FF to help, I was told that I wasn't supposed to know this, but Carol automatically assesses everyone during the clinic but does it secretly so that people don't try to "perform" rather than learn, and that the reason it was so strongly suggested that I stay back in L1 was so I could save my money since I was unemployed and pass at the clinic. I was like, OH. Well, gee, why didn't you say so earlier? All smiles. Relaxed. OK, I'll stay in L1.
Seque to 4:00 pm on the Thursday before the clinic, when I had not heard from FF about when we were trailering the herd in. I began to panic. When were we loading in? Nobody had answered my earlier inquiries. (It never occurred to me until today that since I'd been bumped to L1 perhaps I no longer qualified for a ride in the L2 trailer.) I finally reached FF and was told that they weren't loading in until their L2 clinic. Maybe I could catch a ride with one of the other boarders who was taking his daughter's horse to the L1. (She shall be known as NewBie, or NB, b/c this was her first L1 clinic and she's only been in the program a short time. The dad will be known as BD, or Big Daddy.) I BARELY got ahold of them in time, and they graciously offered to trailer my horse.
Because of the mixup, we were late getting to the clinic site, and I could not assume my duties as signer-inner. Strike one against me. Or is that two? Then the clinic went by... great clinic, lots of fun, we played simulations without our horses that summarily fixed every problem I had with the riding tasks, and we started some L2 tasks like riding with Carrot Sticks. It turned into an Advanced L1, despite having one White Roper—our term for a complete newbie b/c if your lead rope is pure white, you've yet to play with your horse—who bought the equipment literally ten minutes before the clinic began.
After the clinic, we did our Assessments. The first night, Carol did full assessments on people who've never been Assessed for that level. I was so proud of NB, b/c this was her first L1 clinic and first assessment and she'd only been in the program for a couple months, yet she passed all but TWO tasks on the first go. You could see that she was a nervous wreck, though. Tasks that proved difficult had her near tears. FF was on hand to watch the whole time. She was very focused on NB and offered continual encouragement, as did I.
The second night, after the L1 clinic wrapped, Carol did the resubs. NB, the White Roper, myself and one other person did our resubs. As you know, I passed; so did NB. We were both so excited for each other. NB was surprised that she'd made it, despite a background in hunter/jumper which gave her the edge in horse experience. I wasn't. I was thrilled for her. Maybe this'll get BD off his duff and inspire HIM to get into the program seriously, I thought.
After Carol told me we'd passed everything, I did a Rocky, while still mounted. Arms in the air, VICTORY! YESSSS!!!!! And then my eyes welled up in gratitude for the wonderful horse that was responsible for us achieving this milestone. I sat on her, composing myself and taking in the moment. It felt like winning the Miss America Pageant. After a few moments, I dismounted, relieved, and walked past FF on my way to take out my horse. I expected congratulatory hugs, high fives, excitement. I got "Oh. Yeah. Nice job. Now. Here's what I need you to do with the incoming L2s and the outgoing L1s" and proceeded to run down this HUGE list of do's and dont's and explanations of the coding system and cash system and who paid and who hadn't and blahblahblahblah and here's a pen and take these papers on your way." Then dismissal and walk away. I was left standing there in disbelief, overloaded with carefully organized, precariously balanced papers, a pen, and all my equipment.
What just happened here? I wondered. Did I do something wrong?
The shit really hit the fan a bit later, when I discovered that my ride home was bailing on me. Some poorly mumbled excuse from BD about a wedding reception, no time to take both horses home. I was caught in the middle of panic at trying to find another ride on impossibly short notice, being devastated that my L1 was completely dismissed by my "friend", pissed at having to come up with three more days' worth of stall fees I couldn't afford, and frustrated at having to try to deal with both issues while an incoming L2 wanted to know where to put their horse. Not that I could figure it out from the scatterbrained instructions I'd been given.
NB, in whose trailer I had come, noticed I was upset and inquired as to why. When I told her I was upset at having lost my ride with her, she looked confused. The wedding reception was news to her. She left to speak with BD and came back and said I was indeed riding with them. So I scrambled around getting my stuff together and loading my horse, after dragging the L2 person in to meet FF and handing back the stack of stall sheets and pen and apologizing for having to bail but swaring I'd be back ASAP after dropping off WF at home. The trailer left on its way to its first stop, and I cleaned out my stall really well before leaving. As I left the site, a horrendous storm came up and I was dangerously trying to race through horizontal rain and 60 mph winds around downed tree branches to get to the barn in time.
Once there, I heard the Rumor of What I Had Allegedly Done. Subsequently, after being pulled aside by several also-recently-enlightened individuals, I gathered the following information, things that FF had done:
1) Told BD to come up with a lie and strand me and not take me home
2) Said that the reason to strand me was to use it against me in retaliation for the "conversation with PNH" that "got them into trouble"
3) Was planning to make sure I paid for all of the stall time including keeping my stall cleaning deposit before agreeing to haul my horse with their trailer at the end of the clinic to take me home two days later
4) Was planning to have a change of mind at the last minute, pick a fight and leave us there without a ride
5) Told NB that they would pay for her clinic, never telling her it was the free L1 spot—then made NB do 70 loads of FF's family's laundry for a week to "pay it off"
6) Heavily pressured NB to assess before she wanted to because it was necessary that she "beat" me to L1 certification
7) Was extremely happy that I'd been "beaten" to L1 certification by NB by two minutes
8) Didn't want me to pass my L1 at all, which is why no additional help was given to me by my so-called "friend"
9) Wanted me and the OG out of the L2 class so the class wouldn't be slowed down by our "inexperience" b/c FF wanted it to be an Advanced L2/Intro L3 class and if newbie L2 students were involved, Carol would have adjusted the pace accordingly.
10) When it was discovered that I was purchasing some PNH equipment on behalf of another non-PNH boarder (at their request), NB asked how much the bill was and then proclaimed loudly that they would happily pay for it and that I should tell the boarder that—but was secretly planning to find some excuse later to refuse to pay for it, hoping the boarder would blow off paying me, get pissed at me for lying about FF's intent to pay for it and subsequently I'd get stuck paying for it (which is the same amount, interestingly enough, as what my extra stranded stall fees plus cleaning deposit would have amounted to, had I not found a ride AND cleaned my stall and foiled the plan of cheating me out of the deposit.)
11) Is telling everyone that matters that the reason I tried to "put a stop to FF's demo" was because I was trying to sabotage them so they wouldn't be able to become an instructor—by messing up their "résumé video opportunity"—because I'm afraid I won't make it into the program unless they are not in it (or some such nonsense like that, I really couldn't get a grip on the bassackwards logic even after it was explained three times) and that I don't want anyone in the area to know about PNH until I'm an instructor so I can have all the L1s to myself. Or something like that.
12) Thought it was cool that their horse wasn't afraid to go up onto the seating area during the demo. DUHHHH!!! Can you say, "liability insurance"? Doubt it. I still can't believe they're in denial about that. Think about it. Would Pat Parelli allow HIS horses to do that? No? Well, why do you suppose not?
13) Tried to cheat me out of my stall deposit by claiming they had someone else pick it out for me (since I'm "too lazy and undependable to do it myself" and assuming that due to the ride home mixup I'd planned to put it off until morning and play into FF's hand), not knowing that after loading my horse into BD's trailer, I'd picked it out while missing Carol's public demo on the second day, and that I'd looked at all the outgoing L1 stalls the next morning to compare them to mine before confronting FF about the deposit. The reaction? A sneering "Oh. Well, I was going to give you back your deposit anyway."
14) Purposely kept me away from Carol's public demo so that I would not be able to communicate with the newspaper reporter, who, incidentally, was only there because I initiated the conversation about PNH with her during an interview with me for an article on favorite places to walk in the county. I wrote about riding WF in the woods, and they contacted me in July for an interview (during which I brought up PNH), sent out a photographer, and published it in the paper, the same weekend as the ill-fated "demo/clinic". I specifically invited my PNH barn buddies to ride along AND passed on FF's email to the reporter so that FF could have an "in" to promote the clinic and the "demo".
And what is the reasoning behind all this? I am dumbfounded. I've been nothing but a true friend to this person. I've been supportive. I've gone out of my way to help them promote PNH locally. I've shared secrets, allowed them to cry on my shoulder, stepped in when they were in trouble... and this, THIS, is how I'm rewarded. I should have learned my lesson from the last time we had a falling out, when once again, I became the scapegoat for something that may or may not have happened the way I was told it did. Funny the things that happen when your back is turned. Every time something happened that was supposedly my fault, my back WAS turned, so I could only go by what I was told.
I was persona non grata and desperately confused and hurt by their betrayal following last fall's incident, until winter passed and suddenly I was needed. Suddenly, I had some purpose for FF's master plan. They didn't tell ME what it was; all I know is that the Autumn Incident was waved away as a misunderstanding, all was forgiven, let's be friends again, they were wrong. Peace offering: a hand-crafted stall sign for WF's door.
I was hesitant; but... not many people in the barn are studying PNH, and it helps to have support from upper-level students... and I really had liked this person genuinely from the moment we met after I moved into the barn, despite being warned off of them. Surely no one could be as bad as they were saying, right?
Yeah, and Tanya Harding was just misunderstood.
Sometimes the Light is Too Bright
It all started with my ride to the Carol Coppinger clinic. My understanding, as it was explained to me by FF, was that anytime I needed a ride to a clinic or to borrow the trailer, all I had to do was ask. No problem. And don't worry about it, we will make sure you always have a ride to local clinics. What part of that, when you are specifically TOLD this, could be construed as "assuming"?
The original plan that was told to me was that my horse would be delivered to the clinic site on the Thursday before the clinic, and that after getting her settled, I was supposed to help the incoming L1 riders find their stalls, which I happily agreed to do. This arrangement was made at Bruce's clinic in May. We had discussed it several times since. All was a "go" for me to have the same hauling arrangement for Carol's clinic as for Bruce's. Of course, this was when I was still signed up for the Level TWO clinic.
Perhaps I should backtrack? Yes.
After successfully passing all but nine tasks on my L1 Assessment, I was certain that between May and August I could tighten up the problem areas and be ready for L2 in August. I registered for and paid for participation in the Level TWO clinic. I was accepted. All was well and good for the rest of May into June.
WF and I worked diligently to improve and to begin L2 tasks. I was only home 15 out of 30 days in June due to travelling, but our progress was going well. Then I was hit with a bombshell. FF, also the local clinic registrant and my supposed friend, informed me that I had been bumped back to the L1 clinic (without asking me first if that was acceptable) b/c the right was theirs to do and b/c several of the participants signed up for L2 had already passed L2 and therefore the clinic would be an Advanced L2 and too advanced for me to handle.
I was a bit put out. My response was to inquire as to L2 clinic requirements. I was told that I had to be Official L1 or have passed 90% of the tasks (I had passed 65%) and be working on L2 to qualify, but it was stressed that I would be so far behind the rest that they'd rather see me be the star L1 student than the worst-looking L2. Besides, it was being changed into an Advanced L1 clinic so I wouldn't be bored. Play on that self-confidence, why dontcha? But I backed down, b/c I still was operating under the belief that this came from my FRIEND, who wanted the best for me, who wanted to help me achieve my goals.
But my gut began to bark at me. I felt as if I was being manipulated, perhaps. A couple weeks went by. Then the story came out about the Other Girl. The Other Girl (OG) who had just passed L1 at Bruce's clinic and registered for L2 had been bumped back like me, and this girl stood up for herself and said, "no way—I paid for L2, I'm staying in L2." OG got to keep her L2 spot. The rest of the story developed later, when OG attended the first Play Group meeting that I missed due to being out of town. FF was demonstrating some L2 tasks and talking about the difficulties encountered with them, then focused pointedly on OG and said "you passed your L1 so you've been working on L2 now—you know what I'm talking about, right?" OG stammered and said that she hadn't really done anything with her horse since Bruce's clinic in May—then she said she supposed she'd better bump back to L1 as suggested, eh?
The response was "sorry, L1 is full, you'll just have to stay in L2 now" and that OG had better get her butt in gear and read ALL of the L2 booklets and practice like crazy between now and the clinic and just hope she'd be able to keep up, sorry but you should have taken my advice in the first place. When the story was relayed to me, FF said smugly "I could have been nice about it and just refunded her money and let her out of the clinic, but I wanted to make an example of her. Do you think that's too mean?"
I was horrified. I thought I'd best not push the L2 clinic spot issue much further. Just suck it up, stay in L1, and hope that it actually did become an Advanced clinic.
Then my pride got the better of me and I decided to call Carol myself. I called and explained that I'd been bumped to L1, but I'd already been to two L1 clinics, had nine more tasks to pass and two of them weren't a big deal, just nerves, and asked about requirements and Carol's response was to tell me what to do to fix the problem that was keeping us from passing the bulk of the tasks, then ask that I videotape them and send it to her along with the resubmit fee ($60) and she'd help me get out of L1 and if I did, there's no reason why I couldn't be in the L2.
Needless to say, I never got it videotaped b/c one task, the Figure 8 at the Trot, kept eluding us, and despite my asking my supposed friend for help, I never got it. Around the fifth time I asked FF to help, I was told that I wasn't supposed to know this, but Carol automatically assesses everyone during the clinic but does it secretly so that people don't try to "perform" rather than learn, and that the reason it was so strongly suggested that I stay back in L1 was so I could save my money since I was unemployed and pass at the clinic. I was like, OH. Well, gee, why didn't you say so earlier? All smiles. Relaxed. OK, I'll stay in L1.
Seque to 4:00 pm on the Thursday before the clinic, when I had not heard from FF about when we were trailering the herd in. I began to panic. When were we loading in? Nobody had answered my earlier inquiries. (It never occurred to me until today that since I'd been bumped to L1 perhaps I no longer qualified for a ride in the L2 trailer.) I finally reached FF and was told that they weren't loading in until their L2 clinic. Maybe I could catch a ride with one of the other boarders who was taking his daughter's horse to the L1. (She shall be known as NewBie, or NB, b/c this was her first L1 clinic and she's only been in the program a short time. The dad will be known as BD, or Big Daddy.) I BARELY got ahold of them in time, and they graciously offered to trailer my horse.
Because of the mixup, we were late getting to the clinic site, and I could not assume my duties as signer-inner. Strike one against me. Or is that two? Then the clinic went by... great clinic, lots of fun, we played simulations without our horses that summarily fixed every problem I had with the riding tasks, and we started some L2 tasks like riding with Carrot Sticks. It turned into an Advanced L1, despite having one White Roper—our term for a complete newbie b/c if your lead rope is pure white, you've yet to play with your horse—who bought the equipment literally ten minutes before the clinic began.
After the clinic, we did our Assessments. The first night, Carol did full assessments on people who've never been Assessed for that level. I was so proud of NB, b/c this was her first L1 clinic and first assessment and she'd only been in the program for a couple months, yet she passed all but TWO tasks on the first go. You could see that she was a nervous wreck, though. Tasks that proved difficult had her near tears. FF was on hand to watch the whole time. She was very focused on NB and offered continual encouragement, as did I.
The second night, after the L1 clinic wrapped, Carol did the resubs. NB, the White Roper, myself and one other person did our resubs. As you know, I passed; so did NB. We were both so excited for each other. NB was surprised that she'd made it, despite a background in hunter/jumper which gave her the edge in horse experience. I wasn't. I was thrilled for her. Maybe this'll get BD off his duff and inspire HIM to get into the program seriously, I thought.
After Carol told me we'd passed everything, I did a Rocky, while still mounted. Arms in the air, VICTORY! YESSSS!!!!! And then my eyes welled up in gratitude for the wonderful horse that was responsible for us achieving this milestone. I sat on her, composing myself and taking in the moment. It felt like winning the Miss America Pageant. After a few moments, I dismounted, relieved, and walked past FF on my way to take out my horse. I expected congratulatory hugs, high fives, excitement. I got "Oh. Yeah. Nice job. Now. Here's what I need you to do with the incoming L2s and the outgoing L1s" and proceeded to run down this HUGE list of do's and dont's and explanations of the coding system and cash system and who paid and who hadn't and blahblahblahblah and here's a pen and take these papers on your way." Then dismissal and walk away. I was left standing there in disbelief, overloaded with carefully organized, precariously balanced papers, a pen, and all my equipment.
What just happened here? I wondered. Did I do something wrong?
The shit really hit the fan a bit later, when I discovered that my ride home was bailing on me. Some poorly mumbled excuse from BD about a wedding reception, no time to take both horses home. I was caught in the middle of panic at trying to find another ride on impossibly short notice, being devastated that my L1 was completely dismissed by my "friend", pissed at having to come up with three more days' worth of stall fees I couldn't afford, and frustrated at having to try to deal with both issues while an incoming L2 wanted to know where to put their horse. Not that I could figure it out from the scatterbrained instructions I'd been given.
NB, in whose trailer I had come, noticed I was upset and inquired as to why. When I told her I was upset at having lost my ride with her, she looked confused. The wedding reception was news to her. She left to speak with BD and came back and said I was indeed riding with them. So I scrambled around getting my stuff together and loading my horse, after dragging the L2 person in to meet FF and handing back the stack of stall sheets and pen and apologizing for having to bail but swaring I'd be back ASAP after dropping off WF at home. The trailer left on its way to its first stop, and I cleaned out my stall really well before leaving. As I left the site, a horrendous storm came up and I was dangerously trying to race through horizontal rain and 60 mph winds around downed tree branches to get to the barn in time.
Once there, I heard the Rumor of What I Had Allegedly Done. Subsequently, after being pulled aside by several also-recently-enlightened individuals, I gathered the following information, things that FF had done:
1) Told BD to come up with a lie and strand me and not take me home
2) Said that the reason to strand me was to use it against me in retaliation for the "conversation with PNH" that "got them into trouble"
3) Was planning to make sure I paid for all of the stall time including keeping my stall cleaning deposit before agreeing to haul my horse with their trailer at the end of the clinic to take me home two days later
4) Was planning to have a change of mind at the last minute, pick a fight and leave us there without a ride
5) Told NB that they would pay for her clinic, never telling her it was the free L1 spot—then made NB do 70 loads of FF's family's laundry for a week to "pay it off"
6) Heavily pressured NB to assess before she wanted to because it was necessary that she "beat" me to L1 certification
7) Was extremely happy that I'd been "beaten" to L1 certification by NB by two minutes
8) Didn't want me to pass my L1 at all, which is why no additional help was given to me by my so-called "friend"
9) Wanted me and the OG out of the L2 class so the class wouldn't be slowed down by our "inexperience" b/c FF wanted it to be an Advanced L2/Intro L3 class and if newbie L2 students were involved, Carol would have adjusted the pace accordingly.
10) When it was discovered that I was purchasing some PNH equipment on behalf of another non-PNH boarder (at their request), NB asked how much the bill was and then proclaimed loudly that they would happily pay for it and that I should tell the boarder that—but was secretly planning to find some excuse later to refuse to pay for it, hoping the boarder would blow off paying me, get pissed at me for lying about FF's intent to pay for it and subsequently I'd get stuck paying for it (which is the same amount, interestingly enough, as what my extra stranded stall fees plus cleaning deposit would have amounted to, had I not found a ride AND cleaned my stall and foiled the plan of cheating me out of the deposit.)
11) Is telling everyone that matters that the reason I tried to "put a stop to FF's demo" was because I was trying to sabotage them so they wouldn't be able to become an instructor—by messing up their "résumé video opportunity"—because I'm afraid I won't make it into the program unless they are not in it (or some such nonsense like that, I really couldn't get a grip on the bassackwards logic even after it was explained three times) and that I don't want anyone in the area to know about PNH until I'm an instructor so I can have all the L1s to myself. Or something like that.
12) Thought it was cool that their horse wasn't afraid to go up onto the seating area during the demo. DUHHHH!!! Can you say, "liability insurance"? Doubt it. I still can't believe they're in denial about that. Think about it. Would Pat Parelli allow HIS horses to do that? No? Well, why do you suppose not?
13) Tried to cheat me out of my stall deposit by claiming they had someone else pick it out for me (since I'm "too lazy and undependable to do it myself" and assuming that due to the ride home mixup I'd planned to put it off until morning and play into FF's hand), not knowing that after loading my horse into BD's trailer, I'd picked it out while missing Carol's public demo on the second day, and that I'd looked at all the outgoing L1 stalls the next morning to compare them to mine before confronting FF about the deposit. The reaction? A sneering "Oh. Well, I was going to give you back your deposit anyway."
14) Purposely kept me away from Carol's public demo so that I would not be able to communicate with the newspaper reporter, who, incidentally, was only there because I initiated the conversation about PNH with her during an interview with me for an article on favorite places to walk in the county. I wrote about riding WF in the woods, and they contacted me in July for an interview (during which I brought up PNH), sent out a photographer, and published it in the paper, the same weekend as the ill-fated "demo/clinic". I specifically invited my PNH barn buddies to ride along AND passed on FF's email to the reporter so that FF could have an "in" to promote the clinic and the "demo".
And what is the reasoning behind all this? I am dumbfounded. I've been nothing but a true friend to this person. I've been supportive. I've gone out of my way to help them promote PNH locally. I've shared secrets, allowed them to cry on my shoulder, stepped in when they were in trouble... and this, THIS, is how I'm rewarded. I should have learned my lesson from the last time we had a falling out, when once again, I became the scapegoat for something that may or may not have happened the way I was told it did. Funny the things that happen when your back is turned. Every time something happened that was supposedly my fault, my back WAS turned, so I could only go by what I was told.
I was persona non grata and desperately confused and hurt by their betrayal following last fall's incident, until winter passed and suddenly I was needed. Suddenly, I had some purpose for FF's master plan. They didn't tell ME what it was; all I know is that the Autumn Incident was waved away as a misunderstanding, all was forgiven, let's be friends again, they were wrong. Peace offering: a hand-crafted stall sign for WF's door.
I was hesitant; but... not many people in the barn are studying PNH, and it helps to have support from upper-level students... and I really had liked this person genuinely from the moment we met after I moved into the barn, despite being warned off of them. Surely no one could be as bad as they were saying, right?
Yeah, and Tanya Harding was just misunderstood.
SUCCESS!!! 08.02.03
WE DID IT!!! Wildflower and I achieved Official Level One Certification tonight, following Carol Coppinger's Advanced Level One/Intro to Level Two clinic in Toledo this weekend. Oh, what a glorious day!
If you can discount all the bullshit that's happened on the road to it, that is.
I will state here and now that I believe that if you lead by positive example, others will follow. I also believe that one's actions will ultimately override any negative or slanderous words or rumors that others might put forth into the world. Eventually, the truth shall be revealed, and the liar's masks will come off.
You might wonder why I am writing in such a vein this evening. Note that although I have added new entries dating from 05.23.03, it has been a good month or so since I last blogged. A great deal has happened around our barn in that time. People have revealed colors that I'd never thought possible. I have literally been yanked through the wringer by some individuals, had my worst fears and suspicions confirmed by others, and have been forced to re-examine each relationship with my horse-oriented "friends" to determine who can be trusted and who is a bald-faced, backstabbing liar.
Our victory celebration was shattered by one person's dismissal of our success, coupled by their outright mean attempts to have my horse's ride leave me stranded at the clinic. I have since discovered, as information has come to light with verifiable proof to support it, that there is one person associated with the PNH program as a student whose motivations are purely self-serving and who will literally do anything, no matter how wicked, cruel or heinous, to achieve their goals. No matter who it hurts in the process. Oh, yes, you may have heard their name mentioned. But b/c I refuse to participate in their games of slander and finger-pointing, I will just divulge enough details to tell the story. If they read this, they and others who know them will know exactly who the subject is.
There is a rumor floating around our barn that I contacted PNH to tattletale on someone who was purportedly passing themselves off as a horse trainer/endorsed PNH instructor. There are two parts to this rumor: the truth, and the lie attached later. In situations like this, people who aren't on the inside of the circle tend to only hear the parts they want to, and the lies get believed while the truths are only half-answered. Case in point: YES I contacted PNH. That's the only part of the rumor that is TRUE.
As a member of our local savvy Play Group, I was scheduled to participate in a free demonstration of PNH to the public. Now, you would think that if this is a group effort, then the group will certainly have several meetings to discuss the format and details of this demo. This did not occur. Instead, one person assumed leadership, arranged everything, and basically told everyone else when and where to show up. Very little information was provided. Questions were asked, answers were either not provided or glossed over. I began to feel uneasy about participating in the demo b/c of the grey areas; there are distinct differences between a clinic and a demo and I was concerned about anyone of us inadvertently doing something that might cross the line and be problematic for those of us with serious intentions of pursuing a career as an instructor.
Following several failed attempts to get satisfactory answers from the Person In Charge Of the Demo, heretofore known as FF for Former Friend, I decided to take matters into my own hands. I called PNH Corporate and asked to speak with a customer service rep. Karen came on and was very pleasant. The following is the exact conversation, practically verbatim, that we had:
ME: "Hello, I'm a Level One (L1) student and a bunch of us at our barn are studying L1 and L2 and we were wondering if it was appropriate or even acceptable at our levels to give some sort of free demo to people to show them what we've accomplished with our horses; and if so, then are there some established guidelines you could share so that we'll know what we can and cannot do?"
PNH: "Sure! Yes, it's fine for you to do a demo. There aren't any formal guidelines in place because we really don't encourage it because of the fine line between teaching and demonstrating, but what we tell all of our students interested in doing this is that you should treat it like a play day, not a clinic, make sure it's clear that it isn't a clinic; make sure there is no confusion about your being students, not endorsed instructors; don't take money or charge admission; avoid using the PNH logo on any flyers; use your own levels horses and stick to the partnership packs for your current level and most of all, just try to have fun. Call it a play day and invite people to come and watch. Let them know that they are free to ask questions about what you're doing, but don't try to teach the program as that is the territory of the instructors. Answer them to the best of your ability within the framework of the level you're studying. You can certainly mention any upcoming clinics being presented by endorsed instructors."
ME: "What about doing a green horse demo, teaching a new horse the games?"
PNH: "Absolutely not at this level. Mostly because of the safety factor. Once you have your L3, then you are perfectly capable of doing this, but because there are so many unknowns with a new horse, at L1 and L2, we just don't have enough savvy yet to be prepared for all of the possibilities. Sometimes we can think we know all the issues a horse has, then we get them in front of a crowd and things go wrong. Say you had a former show horse and you were teaching him the games and everything was going right; then he responds to something exceptionally well and makes a big change and the audience applauds, and you discover that he has a big issue with applause and goes off! It could be disastrous, someone or the horse could get hurt. It could also have the opposite effect and turn people off to the program if that happened, because the doubters would take it as proof that the program doesn't work. So no, we do stress that this should be avoided until after you're official L3."
ME: "So would we have an MC, or someone explaining the games as we do them? Or do we avoid talking as much as possible?
PNH: "Since it's just like a playday only with spectators, you wouldn't talk much except to answer any questions they may have, keeping within the information in the partnership pack."
ME: "So basically if someone says 'what are you doing with your horse', you can answer; but if they say 'I have a horse at home that does this, what can I do to fix it?..."
PNH: "If they ask about your horse, you answer within your level. If they have more specific questions, you just tell them that you don't know enough yet to answer that, but they can contact one of our instructors via phone or email or attend a clinic where they will know better how to help you."
ME: "Great—thank you!"
PNH: "You're welcome! Keep it Natural!"
Armed with this knowledge, I contacted FF and relayed the information. FF was not happy. The reaction was dammit, now I can't do it my way and blow it off as ignorance when they come after me later, although that was never specifically said, yet implied and apparent from the attitude. I was asked to step down from the demo b/c I didn't seem comfortable participating. I was relieved, especially when I was told that this did not negatively affect our friendship in anyway, which had been a concern. I didn't want to unintentionally piss off FF b/c #1) I still at that point believed that we were genuinely friends and genuinely wanted the best for each other, and #2) I had approached this as speaking on behalf of a group of friends who were curious and excited about sharing our love for PNH with others. Not once did I say anything accusatory or defamatory towards anyone. Not once did I use any names, except for MY OWN. That someone could take this information and twist it evilly to suit their own devices is mind-boggling to me.
I attended the demo; it was photographed in glorious color for the newspaper and upcoming interview. Observing it from a purely objective viewpoint, I'd have to say that it was 85% a low-rent clinic, 10% glorification of FF's abilities, and 5% legitimate student demo/clinic promotion. In fact, it nearly ended disastrously when FF's horse changed his mind about Circling at Liberty, headed for the unprotected seating area after nearly jumping the barrier between the arena and the stalling area, and tromped up onto the boards into the horrified audience. There was only ONE PERSON in the entire place with the savvy to know that this was a bad thing AND that had the savvy to know what to do.
ME.
Everyone else, even the big-shot horse trainer who'd come to watch, backed up away from the runaway horse. Except for me. I saw him coming before he made up his mind to come, and was up off my stool, Driving him with my hands, carefully gaining his focus without activating his adrenaline further. He stopped, backed a couple steps, waited. The audience was dead silent. I changed my posture to indicate "go over there" and he obeyed and turned quietly around 180 degrees. Then I drove him from behind until he stepped off the seating boards. By this time, his owner had regained what little sense remained, and collected him. That was the end of the Liberty demo. The comment from FF was,"Oh, that's so cool, that he's not afraid to go up there and explore!" Absolutely stupidly tickled.
Anyone with real horse sense would know how potentially dangerous that situation was, even with a dead broke horse! Inside of every tame horse is a wild one waiting to come out, and on rare occasions, for no apparent reason, the wild horse will come out. That horse, however calmly, was in the process of escaping. He was quietly panicking. He was looking for a way to leave, go home, get out of there. Quiet, yes, but he had shifted instantly to right brain thinking, which is instinctual and adrenaline-driven, and at that point could very well have had his wild side triggered by ANYTHING. Someone scratching their nose, for instance, could invoke a long-buried memory that we would know nothing about: the cruel trainer who scratched his nose before beating the crap out of him, for example. Hypothetically speaking, of course. Or someone could have made a motion that they were unaware would say to him, come here NOW.
He could have become frightened, kicked, bitten, bucked, anything. ANYTHING. Anytime you are with a horse, there is a chance. If he's deadbroke, it's 99% chance he'll behave, 1% he'll explode. Anything less than deadbroke and your percentages for explosion go up. But 1% is still a definite possibility, and we do not know what could trigger it!
I left that demo shaking my head over the amazingly large egos and the grandiosity of the delusions held within some of the brains of my fellow PNHers. But yet, I thought it was blown over, that life around the barn would now resume some semblance of normalcy, and I could return to hanging out with my PNH friends, enjoy playing with our horses together, and move on.
Wrong.
The things that came to light following Carol Coppinger's clinic made the demo discussion seem like nothing.
WE DID IT!!! Wildflower and I achieved Official Level One Certification tonight, following Carol Coppinger's Advanced Level One/Intro to Level Two clinic in Toledo this weekend. Oh, what a glorious day!
If you can discount all the bullshit that's happened on the road to it, that is.
I will state here and now that I believe that if you lead by positive example, others will follow. I also believe that one's actions will ultimately override any negative or slanderous words or rumors that others might put forth into the world. Eventually, the truth shall be revealed, and the liar's masks will come off.
You might wonder why I am writing in such a vein this evening. Note that although I have added new entries dating from 05.23.03, it has been a good month or so since I last blogged. A great deal has happened around our barn in that time. People have revealed colors that I'd never thought possible. I have literally been yanked through the wringer by some individuals, had my worst fears and suspicions confirmed by others, and have been forced to re-examine each relationship with my horse-oriented "friends" to determine who can be trusted and who is a bald-faced, backstabbing liar.
Our victory celebration was shattered by one person's dismissal of our success, coupled by their outright mean attempts to have my horse's ride leave me stranded at the clinic. I have since discovered, as information has come to light with verifiable proof to support it, that there is one person associated with the PNH program as a student whose motivations are purely self-serving and who will literally do anything, no matter how wicked, cruel or heinous, to achieve their goals. No matter who it hurts in the process. Oh, yes, you may have heard their name mentioned. But b/c I refuse to participate in their games of slander and finger-pointing, I will just divulge enough details to tell the story. If they read this, they and others who know them will know exactly who the subject is.
There is a rumor floating around our barn that I contacted PNH to tattletale on someone who was purportedly passing themselves off as a horse trainer/endorsed PNH instructor. There are two parts to this rumor: the truth, and the lie attached later. In situations like this, people who aren't on the inside of the circle tend to only hear the parts they want to, and the lies get believed while the truths are only half-answered. Case in point: YES I contacted PNH. That's the only part of the rumor that is TRUE.
As a member of our local savvy Play Group, I was scheduled to participate in a free demonstration of PNH to the public. Now, you would think that if this is a group effort, then the group will certainly have several meetings to discuss the format and details of this demo. This did not occur. Instead, one person assumed leadership, arranged everything, and basically told everyone else when and where to show up. Very little information was provided. Questions were asked, answers were either not provided or glossed over. I began to feel uneasy about participating in the demo b/c of the grey areas; there are distinct differences between a clinic and a demo and I was concerned about anyone of us inadvertently doing something that might cross the line and be problematic for those of us with serious intentions of pursuing a career as an instructor.
Following several failed attempts to get satisfactory answers from the Person In Charge Of the Demo, heretofore known as FF for Former Friend, I decided to take matters into my own hands. I called PNH Corporate and asked to speak with a customer service rep. Karen came on and was very pleasant. The following is the exact conversation, practically verbatim, that we had:
ME: "Hello, I'm a Level One (L1) student and a bunch of us at our barn are studying L1 and L2 and we were wondering if it was appropriate or even acceptable at our levels to give some sort of free demo to people to show them what we've accomplished with our horses; and if so, then are there some established guidelines you could share so that we'll know what we can and cannot do?"
PNH: "Sure! Yes, it's fine for you to do a demo. There aren't any formal guidelines in place because we really don't encourage it because of the fine line between teaching and demonstrating, but what we tell all of our students interested in doing this is that you should treat it like a play day, not a clinic, make sure it's clear that it isn't a clinic; make sure there is no confusion about your being students, not endorsed instructors; don't take money or charge admission; avoid using the PNH logo on any flyers; use your own levels horses and stick to the partnership packs for your current level and most of all, just try to have fun. Call it a play day and invite people to come and watch. Let them know that they are free to ask questions about what you're doing, but don't try to teach the program as that is the territory of the instructors. Answer them to the best of your ability within the framework of the level you're studying. You can certainly mention any upcoming clinics being presented by endorsed instructors."
ME: "What about doing a green horse demo, teaching a new horse the games?"
PNH: "Absolutely not at this level. Mostly because of the safety factor. Once you have your L3, then you are perfectly capable of doing this, but because there are so many unknowns with a new horse, at L1 and L2, we just don't have enough savvy yet to be prepared for all of the possibilities. Sometimes we can think we know all the issues a horse has, then we get them in front of a crowd and things go wrong. Say you had a former show horse and you were teaching him the games and everything was going right; then he responds to something exceptionally well and makes a big change and the audience applauds, and you discover that he has a big issue with applause and goes off! It could be disastrous, someone or the horse could get hurt. It could also have the opposite effect and turn people off to the program if that happened, because the doubters would take it as proof that the program doesn't work. So no, we do stress that this should be avoided until after you're official L3."
ME: "So would we have an MC, or someone explaining the games as we do them? Or do we avoid talking as much as possible?
PNH: "Since it's just like a playday only with spectators, you wouldn't talk much except to answer any questions they may have, keeping within the information in the partnership pack."
ME: "So basically if someone says 'what are you doing with your horse', you can answer; but if they say 'I have a horse at home that does this, what can I do to fix it?..."
PNH: "If they ask about your horse, you answer within your level. If they have more specific questions, you just tell them that you don't know enough yet to answer that, but they can contact one of our instructors via phone or email or attend a clinic where they will know better how to help you."
ME: "Great—thank you!"
PNH: "You're welcome! Keep it Natural!"
Armed with this knowledge, I contacted FF and relayed the information. FF was not happy. The reaction was dammit, now I can't do it my way and blow it off as ignorance when they come after me later, although that was never specifically said, yet implied and apparent from the attitude. I was asked to step down from the demo b/c I didn't seem comfortable participating. I was relieved, especially when I was told that this did not negatively affect our friendship in anyway, which had been a concern. I didn't want to unintentionally piss off FF b/c #1) I still at that point believed that we were genuinely friends and genuinely wanted the best for each other, and #2) I had approached this as speaking on behalf of a group of friends who were curious and excited about sharing our love for PNH with others. Not once did I say anything accusatory or defamatory towards anyone. Not once did I use any names, except for MY OWN. That someone could take this information and twist it evilly to suit their own devices is mind-boggling to me.
I attended the demo; it was photographed in glorious color for the newspaper and upcoming interview. Observing it from a purely objective viewpoint, I'd have to say that it was 85% a low-rent clinic, 10% glorification of FF's abilities, and 5% legitimate student demo/clinic promotion. In fact, it nearly ended disastrously when FF's horse changed his mind about Circling at Liberty, headed for the unprotected seating area after nearly jumping the barrier between the arena and the stalling area, and tromped up onto the boards into the horrified audience. There was only ONE PERSON in the entire place with the savvy to know that this was a bad thing AND that had the savvy to know what to do.
ME.
Everyone else, even the big-shot horse trainer who'd come to watch, backed up away from the runaway horse. Except for me. I saw him coming before he made up his mind to come, and was up off my stool, Driving him with my hands, carefully gaining his focus without activating his adrenaline further. He stopped, backed a couple steps, waited. The audience was dead silent. I changed my posture to indicate "go over there" and he obeyed and turned quietly around 180 degrees. Then I drove him from behind until he stepped off the seating boards. By this time, his owner had regained what little sense remained, and collected him. That was the end of the Liberty demo. The comment from FF was,"Oh, that's so cool, that he's not afraid to go up there and explore!" Absolutely stupidly tickled.
Anyone with real horse sense would know how potentially dangerous that situation was, even with a dead broke horse! Inside of every tame horse is a wild one waiting to come out, and on rare occasions, for no apparent reason, the wild horse will come out. That horse, however calmly, was in the process of escaping. He was quietly panicking. He was looking for a way to leave, go home, get out of there. Quiet, yes, but he had shifted instantly to right brain thinking, which is instinctual and adrenaline-driven, and at that point could very well have had his wild side triggered by ANYTHING. Someone scratching their nose, for instance, could invoke a long-buried memory that we would know nothing about: the cruel trainer who scratched his nose before beating the crap out of him, for example. Hypothetically speaking, of course. Or someone could have made a motion that they were unaware would say to him, come here NOW.
He could have become frightened, kicked, bitten, bucked, anything. ANYTHING. Anytime you are with a horse, there is a chance. If he's deadbroke, it's 99% chance he'll behave, 1% he'll explode. Anything less than deadbroke and your percentages for explosion go up. But 1% is still a definite possibility, and we do not know what could trigger it!
I left that demo shaking my head over the amazingly large egos and the grandiosity of the delusions held within some of the brains of my fellow PNHers. But yet, I thought it was blown over, that life around the barn would now resume some semblance of normalcy, and I could return to hanging out with my PNH friends, enjoy playing with our horses together, and move on.
Wrong.
The things that came to light following Carol Coppinger's clinic made the demo discussion seem like nothing.
06.12.03
But Can You Ride Other Horses?
Somebody asked me a very pointed question today: "How will PNH prepare you to ride non-PNH horses? Will you be able to?" I have to admit that it caught me so off-guard that I had to sit down and think it through. Following is my answer to them:
Absolutely! In fact, you will probably get a much better ride than your non-PNH counterparts, even if it's "just" an old nose-to-tail string horse on a trail ride. There are two parts to PNH: teaching the human, and teaching the horse. PNH teaches the human to ride the horse, not the saddle, the discipline or the style. Horses don't know whether they are PNH or not, but they DO know if you've got savvy and how much of it.
Most people's knowledge of horses is limited to the very basics; they are told "kick to go, pull back to stop, steer with the reins, cluck once for a walk, twice for a trot and kiss to canter." The sad thing is, even THAT information is incorrect to some extent. There is so much more to horses and riding than most people realize, but somehow they manage to stay alive through the experience anyway.
The part of PNH that is geared toward the human teaches the philosophy and theory of horsemanship and how to communicate with a horse in their own language, the way another horse would. You learn how a horse thinks, what drives and motivates him, what scares him, what causes him to react the way he does. You also learn how to counteract the human's inherent predator-like behavior by adjusting your behavior to mimic that of the horse (prey animal).
It's a lot like the difference between paint-by-numbers vs. painting by color theory. Anyone can paint by numbers; they know that red and blue make purple, and the end result is a decent painting, but they don't necessarily understand why these colors blended together the way they did to create the image. But someone who has studied color theory and painting techniques will understand how to use the paint color's inherent properties to their advantage—for example they'll know why certain colors make things appear closer in the painting or farther away, how to create realistic highlights and shadows, and how to blend colors to get the exact shade of green they want. It's a more refined understanding of painting. Likewise, PNH provides the human with a more refined understanding of horse behavior and horsemanship that goes way beyond the basics.
What PNH teaches the human about horses applies to each and every horse you will come into contact with. To ride a horse effectively, you need to be able to balance well; ask them to change or maintain gaits and speed; ask them to steer, go and stop; and ride all the gaits comfortably. You get bonus points if you've had some traditional riding lessons (even years of dressage) and can also anticipate through their body language what they might do next, or be able to ask more advanced questions such as changing leads or negotiating a jump. Still, this accounts for only about 1% of what PNH teaches the human about horses. The other 99% makes the difference between a novice and a true horseman.
What PNH teaches the horse is pretty much the same things that are traditionally taught when "breaking" a horse, but it's done as naturally as possible—how to respond off of pressure, follow a feel, pick up leads, change/maintain gaits, steer, stand still... the list is endless. The less equipment used, the better; PNH relies on communication and body language, not gadgets.
Really, the only difference between a PNH-trained horse and a non-PNH horse is the level of responsiveness from the PNH horse and the bond that is established with his rider. The PNH horse has been educated to respond more off of less pressure. The PNH student has worked with their horse or horses to establish a very strong bond of safety, communication, trust, and respect and has refined it to a razor-sharp level.
PNH will prepare you to ride any horse, anywhere, at anytime, and the further you go into the program the more prepared you will be for any situation that you may encounter. You will know how to read any horse's body language so acutely as to be able to head problems off before they start, help the horse overcome fears in mere moments that may have plagued them for years, and although the horse may require more pressure or more deliberate signals before he responds, he will certainly appreciate the politeness with which you ask and the savvy that you display when you communicate with him.
But Can You Ride Other Horses?
Somebody asked me a very pointed question today: "How will PNH prepare you to ride non-PNH horses? Will you be able to?" I have to admit that it caught me so off-guard that I had to sit down and think it through. Following is my answer to them:
Absolutely! In fact, you will probably get a much better ride than your non-PNH counterparts, even if it's "just" an old nose-to-tail string horse on a trail ride. There are two parts to PNH: teaching the human, and teaching the horse. PNH teaches the human to ride the horse, not the saddle, the discipline or the style. Horses don't know whether they are PNH or not, but they DO know if you've got savvy and how much of it.
Most people's knowledge of horses is limited to the very basics; they are told "kick to go, pull back to stop, steer with the reins, cluck once for a walk, twice for a trot and kiss to canter." The sad thing is, even THAT information is incorrect to some extent. There is so much more to horses and riding than most people realize, but somehow they manage to stay alive through the experience anyway.
The part of PNH that is geared toward the human teaches the philosophy and theory of horsemanship and how to communicate with a horse in their own language, the way another horse would. You learn how a horse thinks, what drives and motivates him, what scares him, what causes him to react the way he does. You also learn how to counteract the human's inherent predator-like behavior by adjusting your behavior to mimic that of the horse (prey animal).
It's a lot like the difference between paint-by-numbers vs. painting by color theory. Anyone can paint by numbers; they know that red and blue make purple, and the end result is a decent painting, but they don't necessarily understand why these colors blended together the way they did to create the image. But someone who has studied color theory and painting techniques will understand how to use the paint color's inherent properties to their advantage—for example they'll know why certain colors make things appear closer in the painting or farther away, how to create realistic highlights and shadows, and how to blend colors to get the exact shade of green they want. It's a more refined understanding of painting. Likewise, PNH provides the human with a more refined understanding of horse behavior and horsemanship that goes way beyond the basics.
What PNH teaches the human about horses applies to each and every horse you will come into contact with. To ride a horse effectively, you need to be able to balance well; ask them to change or maintain gaits and speed; ask them to steer, go and stop; and ride all the gaits comfortably. You get bonus points if you've had some traditional riding lessons (even years of dressage) and can also anticipate through their body language what they might do next, or be able to ask more advanced questions such as changing leads or negotiating a jump. Still, this accounts for only about 1% of what PNH teaches the human about horses. The other 99% makes the difference between a novice and a true horseman.
What PNH teaches the horse is pretty much the same things that are traditionally taught when "breaking" a horse, but it's done as naturally as possible—how to respond off of pressure, follow a feel, pick up leads, change/maintain gaits, steer, stand still... the list is endless. The less equipment used, the better; PNH relies on communication and body language, not gadgets.
Really, the only difference between a PNH-trained horse and a non-PNH horse is the level of responsiveness from the PNH horse and the bond that is established with his rider. The PNH horse has been educated to respond more off of less pressure. The PNH student has worked with their horse or horses to establish a very strong bond of safety, communication, trust, and respect and has refined it to a razor-sharp level.
PNH will prepare you to ride any horse, anywhere, at anytime, and the further you go into the program the more prepared you will be for any situation that you may encounter. You will know how to read any horse's body language so acutely as to be able to head problems off before they start, help the horse overcome fears in mere moments that may have plagued them for years, and although the horse may require more pressure or more deliberate signals before he responds, he will certainly appreciate the politeness with which you ask and the savvy that you display when you communicate with him.
05.27.03
Not a lot of horsin' around today; was supposed to ride with Jennifer but she had to take her cat to the vet so she rainchecked. We'll try again tomorrow. Meantime, I watched the very beginning of the Level Two Harmony Online video. There is going to be a TON to learn. I am a bit overwhelmed; yet I know I just need to approach it one step, one task, at a time and it will all fall into place.
Went out to the barn around 4:30. Nic was there, braiding Doc's mane so it won't dreadlock while Julie's on vacation. We groomed him a bit (he still has winter hair in some spots) then decided to ride. Naturally, by the time I brought WF in and had her gamed up, then saddled up, we got about as far as the mare's pasture and the wind picked up, the rain started, and all the other mares shot into the arena as fast as they could. Hmm. The mares hate to come in... must be a nice storm brewing.
So we escaped into the clubhouse with Bruce when he showed up. (Note: the "clubhouse" is a small structure with nothing in it. It hasn't been used in years, but Erin the barn manager decided it was high time it got used so she's been cleaning it up. It was cozy to sit at the card table. We were looking at website output on all the state parks with bridle trails in Ohio and trying to plan camping trips. The storm passed—I think there was one roll of thunder—and after the horses came in for dinner, we saddled up and tried again. Turned out to be a nice little jaunt down the "D". Lots of deer, so lots of deerspooking, LOL. Barely got home before dark. Got a little chilly but not too bad, damp spring chilly with the lovely clean afterscent of rain on pine.
It is definitely starting to sink in with me and with WF. She is beginning to show signs of respect in the field when I go out to collect her. Right after the clinic, she was balky. She'd lay her ears back, walk off, sometimes trot off. We'd play Catch Me. She'd give me a hard time when I went to put on the halter, pulling her head away or down to eat. "Screw you," she said, "I'm grazing. Leave me alone." When I finally got her haltered, she'd refuse to budge until we got to the creek crossing, which is always treacherous in spring (very mucky and sloppy and mares are known for dragging their owners through it), and she'd suddenly circle around me, invade my space, go off in another direction and yank me (I knew it was coming so I was braced, not gonna catch ME off guard and drag me, no way), or I'd cross and she'd be on the other side, refusing to budge, threatening to pull back and pull me over (I was teetering and she knew it).
Well, things have changed. She grazes, but doesn't run off. She ignores me until I ask for attention by either disengaging her HQ or marching in place by her nose to bring up her head. Once it's up, and she sees the halter, she stops. She sighs. I halter her, she gives her nose. She sighs again. I play a few games with her, Friendly then Porcupine, then Driving, then Back Up/Yo-Yo, then I Circle her both ways. By then, she's like, OK, fine, let's go. If she's energetic, I just Funky Chicken. If she drags, I Circle her as I walk, changing directions until she figures it's easier just to walk beside me at a nice pace. I always take her for a drink, then we go in.
Her respect level has heightened and I am thrilled. I am more relaxed now.
Last night, Nic and I met up in the evening. We just chatted for a while about PNH and our fellow students, then I collected WF from her stall (she had just been grained) and Nic watched us game and gave me detail pointers to tighten up. Things went really well. Nic found humor in how hard it was to keep WF's two eyes on her—I didn't feel so bad after that, b/c she does the same thing to me and every time she's bumped back, she glares at the human, then goes back to looking where she wants to. Bump, glare, look. Bump, glare, look. It's not an evil glare, it's more of annoyed. It's really funny to see how annoyed she gets when we "distract" her.
In the bareback pad, we worked on Fig 8's at a walk. I worked on tossing my rein back and forth over her head. What a pain that is! So hard to get. Easier in the halter b/c of the weight of the clasp; in the hack it's like throwing thread. ARRRGH!!! Now, doing that, plus staying put, plus maintaining gait... am I that coordinated? Well, it was a start. Nic did Passenger Lessons with me online, and we tried to get WF into a canter but I preferred clockwise and she wouldn't go into the canter. Granted, I was a bit anxious but I wanted to do it—I knew once we got going, I'd be past the anxiety. Instead, she just sped up her trot to the fastest trot I've seen! Man, put a cart on that horse, we're gonna win at Raceway Park!!! Nic got on her and discovered WF isn't confident taking her right lead at the canter; so my job is to send her out at Liberty a few sessions on the right lead until she gains confidence.
Once while trotting, Nic was asking her to speed up, and WF misread the cue and whipped her HQ around 90 degrees to disengage. I moved with her as if I was part of her. Nic gave me big bonus points for that b/c sticking a fast disengagement bareback is harder than riding the canter bareback. That was a relief to me to know that.
Not much else to report... have yet to have the third session with Cheerios, but he did come right up to me today.
Not a lot of horsin' around today; was supposed to ride with Jennifer but she had to take her cat to the vet so she rainchecked. We'll try again tomorrow. Meantime, I watched the very beginning of the Level Two Harmony Online video. There is going to be a TON to learn. I am a bit overwhelmed; yet I know I just need to approach it one step, one task, at a time and it will all fall into place.
Went out to the barn around 4:30. Nic was there, braiding Doc's mane so it won't dreadlock while Julie's on vacation. We groomed him a bit (he still has winter hair in some spots) then decided to ride. Naturally, by the time I brought WF in and had her gamed up, then saddled up, we got about as far as the mare's pasture and the wind picked up, the rain started, and all the other mares shot into the arena as fast as they could. Hmm. The mares hate to come in... must be a nice storm brewing.
So we escaped into the clubhouse with Bruce when he showed up. (Note: the "clubhouse" is a small structure with nothing in it. It hasn't been used in years, but Erin the barn manager decided it was high time it got used so she's been cleaning it up. It was cozy to sit at the card table. We were looking at website output on all the state parks with bridle trails in Ohio and trying to plan camping trips. The storm passed—I think there was one roll of thunder—and after the horses came in for dinner, we saddled up and tried again. Turned out to be a nice little jaunt down the "D". Lots of deer, so lots of deerspooking, LOL. Barely got home before dark. Got a little chilly but not too bad, damp spring chilly with the lovely clean afterscent of rain on pine.
It is definitely starting to sink in with me and with WF. She is beginning to show signs of respect in the field when I go out to collect her. Right after the clinic, she was balky. She'd lay her ears back, walk off, sometimes trot off. We'd play Catch Me. She'd give me a hard time when I went to put on the halter, pulling her head away or down to eat. "Screw you," she said, "I'm grazing. Leave me alone." When I finally got her haltered, she'd refuse to budge until we got to the creek crossing, which is always treacherous in spring (very mucky and sloppy and mares are known for dragging their owners through it), and she'd suddenly circle around me, invade my space, go off in another direction and yank me (I knew it was coming so I was braced, not gonna catch ME off guard and drag me, no way), or I'd cross and she'd be on the other side, refusing to budge, threatening to pull back and pull me over (I was teetering and she knew it).
Well, things have changed. She grazes, but doesn't run off. She ignores me until I ask for attention by either disengaging her HQ or marching in place by her nose to bring up her head. Once it's up, and she sees the halter, she stops. She sighs. I halter her, she gives her nose. She sighs again. I play a few games with her, Friendly then Porcupine, then Driving, then Back Up/Yo-Yo, then I Circle her both ways. By then, she's like, OK, fine, let's go. If she's energetic, I just Funky Chicken. If she drags, I Circle her as I walk, changing directions until she figures it's easier just to walk beside me at a nice pace. I always take her for a drink, then we go in.
Her respect level has heightened and I am thrilled. I am more relaxed now.
Last night, Nic and I met up in the evening. We just chatted for a while about PNH and our fellow students, then I collected WF from her stall (she had just been grained) and Nic watched us game and gave me detail pointers to tighten up. Things went really well. Nic found humor in how hard it was to keep WF's two eyes on her—I didn't feel so bad after that, b/c she does the same thing to me and every time she's bumped back, she glares at the human, then goes back to looking where she wants to. Bump, glare, look. Bump, glare, look. It's not an evil glare, it's more of annoyed. It's really funny to see how annoyed she gets when we "distract" her.
In the bareback pad, we worked on Fig 8's at a walk. I worked on tossing my rein back and forth over her head. What a pain that is! So hard to get. Easier in the halter b/c of the weight of the clasp; in the hack it's like throwing thread. ARRRGH!!! Now, doing that, plus staying put, plus maintaining gait... am I that coordinated? Well, it was a start. Nic did Passenger Lessons with me online, and we tried to get WF into a canter but I preferred clockwise and she wouldn't go into the canter. Granted, I was a bit anxious but I wanted to do it—I knew once we got going, I'd be past the anxiety. Instead, she just sped up her trot to the fastest trot I've seen! Man, put a cart on that horse, we're gonna win at Raceway Park!!! Nic got on her and discovered WF isn't confident taking her right lead at the canter; so my job is to send her out at Liberty a few sessions on the right lead until she gains confidence.
Once while trotting, Nic was asking her to speed up, and WF misread the cue and whipped her HQ around 90 degrees to disengage. I moved with her as if I was part of her. Nic gave me big bonus points for that b/c sticking a fast disengagement bareback is harder than riding the canter bareback. That was a relief to me to know that.
Not much else to report... have yet to have the third session with Cheerios, but he did come right up to me today.
Knowing the Way of the Horse (from log 05.23.03)
Today, I spent 5 or 6 hours with WF working on all the Level One assessment tasks. She was very much in Pissy Mare mode today because I made her wait in the arena yesterday and today instead of walking out to get her in the pasture. So no grass grazing for WF! She was not happy. I wouldn't feel so bad (she's on 24-hour turnout and only comes in for grain twice a day) except night turnout is in the arena. Only day turnout is grass. I'm so mean. I actually had to play the Catch Me game with her today before she'd pay attention to me! That game wears me out b/c I have to run too. I have to keep her going until I say OK come on in. It took several go rounds before she finally gave up and said FINE. I feel like I ran a marathon, then did serious weightlifting and aerobics afterwards. I came home and passed out sitting up on the couch.
She did very well, though. We went through all the tasks tightening up the sloppy spots and right now, there is only one task that absolutely is not working—riding sideways. She's confusing my Direct Rein with Sideways actually the other way around—I ask for sideways I get a circle. I'm screwing something up but I'm not sure what just yet. Gotta read my booklets again. Other than that, she was amazing, even backed through the round pen gate with me on her, and we did some riding in the arena (that's why I hurt) in the halter and lead rope (single rein). Jenny was out and took Red for a ride then went to lead her through the arena to the pasture but Red got distracted by the hay piles put out for the two horses living in the arena (one's a mini; the other is a mare the owner can't catch in the pasture) and wouldn't go. So Jenny said to me can ya herd her out for me?
I learned that I can: guide my horse with a single rein in a halter with one hand while swinging the tail of the rope rein at another horse's Zones with the other hand, maintain my balance, change directions, and maintain gait (trotting) all at the same time. In other words, I am ready to learn how to rope a cow b/c I have an independent seat! I no longer depend on the reins for balance, nor do I need to be looking right between her ears to stay aright, and I'm confident!
I felt like a cowgirl for the first time. Man. This week has been nothing but breakthroughs! Playing all 7 Games with Cheerios w/o an emotional outburst from either of us; all the little things WF has surprised me with; finding out that PNH works on non-program horses and that I can ask a strange horse in the pasture to move sideways off of rhythmic pressure in the correct zones (shaking my fingers at them) (but of course I can't get my OWN horse to do it half the time); the whole cowgirl incident; and the best one: taking a stab at Catch Me with Rita's horse at her request (the one you can't catch—she asked me for help catching her and I tried to show her how to fix the problem) in the round pen and feeling like a true horse whisperer when it worked and she started following me around like a puppy.
Oddly enough, that mare, Casey, runs from her owner who is a perfectly nice lady but knows nothing about horses except how to ride very basically and this is her first horse and the poor mare is 6 years old and has never ever been trained to do anything (until recently, after Rita sent her for 60 days of training)—well Casey still bolts when she sees Rita or anyone else coming toward her, but she stands stock still for me when I approach and even follows me around a bit. I don't know if Rita has noticed that yet or not. I'm kind of hoping she does, and then starts to put 2 and 2 together and gets interested in PNH.
The sad thing is, she's convinced that the trainer really taught Casey everything the horse needs to know and has yet to realize that the reason Casey's regressing to her bad behavior isn't because the trainer failed or the horse is bad, but it's because Rita herself hasn't been trained yet to know what to do. She's all wide-eyed amazement at how fantastic Bob is as a trainer. Yeah, he is; and that's exactly why Casey responds to him and why she won't respond to Rita. Casey knows Rita doesn't know anything. That's why Pat Parelli stopped training horses and came up with a way to teach people how to teach horses; he got tired of fixing problems, sending them back to the owners and having the problems reoccur because the owners didn't have any savvy. That's why PNH exists!
In her case, they NEED it to prevent a dangerous situation from occurring. You have an untrained horse and an equally clueless owner—bad mix. I know from personal experience. But you can't force PNH on someone—it's like trying to sell them on a different religion and you know how that goes! (Ask any Jehovah's Witness!) Seriously! Traditionalists, or "normals", as we call them (yes, I joke about it's being the Cult of PNH), tend to dismiss the program, laugh at it, roll their eyes and smirk and wait for the day "those crazy orange stick people who ride in a string halter and lead rope and bareback in the woods" have something spook their horses and get themselves killed. So we are forced to lead by example. It catches on, though. More and more orange sticks are appearing in the neighboring stalls and barns.
The irony is that in most cases, especially at our barn, which caters to recreational trail riders (some of whom haven't been out to even visit their horses since before the snow melted), it's going to be them that falls off and gets hurt, not us. We know how to stop our horses with one rein, how to sit the horse naturally and ride with them regardless, and we've established ourselves as the leader and protector through the games we played prior to ever going out in the woods so when something does happen, we can ride through it and calm our horses down—if they even bother to get upset.
I've noticed while out on rides in a mixed group (PNH and normals) that when a "catastrophe" occurs (deer flies out in front of us on the trail, for example), the PNH horses don't even flinch, while the Normal horses lose their minds and their owners start yelling and getting upset ("Stop that! It's nothing! You stupid horse...") which only makes the horse more nervous. And if the deer flies into the herd behind a PNH horse and that horse does get excited and moves his feet, the rider immediately knows how to deflate themselves and pull with one rein to bend to a stop; the Normal horse bolts and the rider seesaws or yanks back with both reins on the bit, tensing up and squeezing the horse's sides while yelling WHOAWHOAWHOA and wondering why their horse won't settle down.
I just read all of that and thought to myself, when did I become so knowledgeable about horses? Not that I'm an expert; I'm not. But just basic stuff—it's a wonder that people can have horses for years, not know any of this, and somehow manage to stay alive and ride fairly happily. Then again, most people seem satisfied to live with what I call "tolerable levels of disrespect" in their horses. The horse walks off the moment they mount; that's escaping at a walk. They accept it; I know it's a sign of disrespect and should be fixed before you even go out for a ride. But that person's lucky, because for the most part, that's the worst sign of disrespect they get, aside from the occasional ears back look or undesired change of gait (usually on the way home, when suddenly even the sleepiest horse decides the race is on). And they are satisfied with it. But I'm not. I want more; from myself and my horses. Total respect, control and confidence. I don't like surprises on the trail. I don't like being caught off guard by an irritated hoof that could have been prevented. Ya know? Some people take their horse-related injuries in stride and wear them as a badge of honor; there's even a saying, you aren't a true cowgirl until you've fallen off seven times. I beg to differ! I say you aren't a true cowgirl until you've proven that you won't come off no matter what!
Today, I spent 5 or 6 hours with WF working on all the Level One assessment tasks. She was very much in Pissy Mare mode today because I made her wait in the arena yesterday and today instead of walking out to get her in the pasture. So no grass grazing for WF! She was not happy. I wouldn't feel so bad (she's on 24-hour turnout and only comes in for grain twice a day) except night turnout is in the arena. Only day turnout is grass. I'm so mean. I actually had to play the Catch Me game with her today before she'd pay attention to me! That game wears me out b/c I have to run too. I have to keep her going until I say OK come on in. It took several go rounds before she finally gave up and said FINE. I feel like I ran a marathon, then did serious weightlifting and aerobics afterwards. I came home and passed out sitting up on the couch.
She did very well, though. We went through all the tasks tightening up the sloppy spots and right now, there is only one task that absolutely is not working—riding sideways. She's confusing my Direct Rein with Sideways actually the other way around—I ask for sideways I get a circle. I'm screwing something up but I'm not sure what just yet. Gotta read my booklets again. Other than that, she was amazing, even backed through the round pen gate with me on her, and we did some riding in the arena (that's why I hurt) in the halter and lead rope (single rein). Jenny was out and took Red for a ride then went to lead her through the arena to the pasture but Red got distracted by the hay piles put out for the two horses living in the arena (one's a mini; the other is a mare the owner can't catch in the pasture) and wouldn't go. So Jenny said to me can ya herd her out for me?
I learned that I can: guide my horse with a single rein in a halter with one hand while swinging the tail of the rope rein at another horse's Zones with the other hand, maintain my balance, change directions, and maintain gait (trotting) all at the same time. In other words, I am ready to learn how to rope a cow b/c I have an independent seat! I no longer depend on the reins for balance, nor do I need to be looking right between her ears to stay aright, and I'm confident!
I felt like a cowgirl for the first time. Man. This week has been nothing but breakthroughs! Playing all 7 Games with Cheerios w/o an emotional outburst from either of us; all the little things WF has surprised me with; finding out that PNH works on non-program horses and that I can ask a strange horse in the pasture to move sideways off of rhythmic pressure in the correct zones (shaking my fingers at them) (but of course I can't get my OWN horse to do it half the time
Oddly enough, that mare, Casey, runs from her owner who is a perfectly nice lady but knows nothing about horses except how to ride very basically and this is her first horse and the poor mare is 6 years old and has never ever been trained to do anything (until recently, after Rita sent her for 60 days of training)—well Casey still bolts when she sees Rita or anyone else coming toward her, but she stands stock still for me when I approach and even follows me around a bit. I don't know if Rita has noticed that yet or not. I'm kind of hoping she does, and then starts to put 2 and 2 together and gets interested in PNH.
The sad thing is, she's convinced that the trainer really taught Casey everything the horse needs to know and has yet to realize that the reason Casey's regressing to her bad behavior isn't because the trainer failed or the horse is bad, but it's because Rita herself hasn't been trained yet to know what to do. She's all wide-eyed amazement at how fantastic Bob is as a trainer. Yeah, he is; and that's exactly why Casey responds to him and why she won't respond to Rita. Casey knows Rita doesn't know anything. That's why Pat Parelli stopped training horses and came up with a way to teach people how to teach horses; he got tired of fixing problems, sending them back to the owners and having the problems reoccur because the owners didn't have any savvy. That's why PNH exists!
In her case, they NEED it to prevent a dangerous situation from occurring. You have an untrained horse and an equally clueless owner—bad mix. I know from personal experience. But you can't force PNH on someone—it's like trying to sell them on a different religion and you know how that goes! (Ask any Jehovah's Witness!) Seriously! Traditionalists, or "normals", as we call them (yes, I joke about it's being the Cult of PNH), tend to dismiss the program, laugh at it, roll their eyes and smirk and wait for the day "those crazy orange stick people who ride in a string halter and lead rope and bareback in the woods" have something spook their horses and get themselves killed. So we are forced to lead by example. It catches on, though. More and more orange sticks are appearing in the neighboring stalls and barns.
The irony is that in most cases, especially at our barn, which caters to recreational trail riders (some of whom haven't been out to even visit their horses since before the snow melted), it's going to be them that falls off and gets hurt, not us. We know how to stop our horses with one rein, how to sit the horse naturally and ride with them regardless, and we've established ourselves as the leader and protector through the games we played prior to ever going out in the woods so when something does happen, we can ride through it and calm our horses down—if they even bother to get upset.
I've noticed while out on rides in a mixed group (PNH and normals) that when a "catastrophe" occurs (deer flies out in front of us on the trail, for example), the PNH horses don't even flinch, while the Normal horses lose their minds and their owners start yelling and getting upset ("Stop that! It's nothing! You stupid horse...") which only makes the horse more nervous. And if the deer flies into the herd behind a PNH horse and that horse does get excited and moves his feet, the rider immediately knows how to deflate themselves and pull with one rein to bend to a stop; the Normal horse bolts and the rider seesaws or yanks back with both reins on the bit, tensing up and squeezing the horse's sides while yelling WHOAWHOAWHOA and wondering why their horse won't settle down.
I just read all of that and thought to myself, when did I become so knowledgeable about horses? Not that I'm an expert; I'm not. But just basic stuff—it's a wonder that people can have horses for years, not know any of this, and somehow manage to stay alive and ride fairly happily. Then again, most people seem satisfied to live with what I call "tolerable levels of disrespect" in their horses. The horse walks off the moment they mount; that's escaping at a walk. They accept it; I know it's a sign of disrespect and should be fixed before you even go out for a ride. But that person's lucky, because for the most part, that's the worst sign of disrespect they get, aside from the occasional ears back look or undesired change of gait (usually on the way home, when suddenly even the sleepiest horse decides the race is on). And they are satisfied with it. But I'm not. I want more; from myself and my horses. Total respect, control and confidence. I don't like surprises on the trail. I don't like being caught off guard by an irritated hoof that could have been prevented. Ya know? Some people take their horse-related injuries in stride and wear them as a badge of honor; there's even a saying, you aren't a true cowgirl until you've fallen off seven times. I beg to differ! I say you aren't a true cowgirl until you've proven that you won't come off no matter what!
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