HOW ABOUT THE LESSER OF NO EVILS?

Huge epiphany brought to me today by Parelli. Ever hear the expression about "the lesser of two evils"? Culturally, everyone pretty much thinks that it's true:

There are downsides to every situation,
nothing you can do about it,
just choose the more tolerable option and live with it.

This is a belief I've carried, that you basically go with:

• EITHER the option that has the least amount of downsides
• OR the option that has a few more downsides but ones that are more tolerable

Like with horses. You have two horse owners, and each one has a horse that's essentially great, but with a few downsides. (The typical pronouncement heard by Parelli Event attendees is, "My horse is perfect, BUT he _______. How do I fix that so he stops _______?" We all just smile and sigh, because we know it takes more than a quick fix to one issue.)

Anyway. Back to the story of the two horses.

One is prone to bucking and bolting on the trail; the other won't go no matter how hard you kick him but he doesn't buck. Bucky's owner would rather have the frustration of bucking than not moving (well, at least he goes when I ask, most of the time, and I'm a good rider, so I can hang on when he has a tantrum). Pokey's owner is a timid rider, and would rather have the frustration of a horse that won't go rather than one who goes too fast and too unpredictably (well, at least he doesn't buck or bolt, he's "safe", I'm not gonna fall off and die).

Both are choosing which set of evils they're willing to tolerate.

The Parelli program challenges this belief (one reason it's so controversial and people can't wrap their heads around it at first).

Parelli said,
"Why? Why put up with any evils at all, when you don't have to?"

("What? What do you mean, you don't have to put up with any evils? Huh?!? Isn't that just how horses 'are'?")

The Parelli Program has shown me that there's a third option—no evils. It taught me that I could have a relationship with my horse that is SO GOOD that it eliminates 85% of the "evil" entirely, and transforms the remaining evils from bane into benefit by redirecting the negative behaviors and energy in positive directions.

How? By changing my mindset about horses.

Of course, the first thing that had to change was... ME. Once my mindset shifted, I shifted, and when I shifted, everything else shifted into place.

I've had this head-scratcher of a thought ever since I got into horses: how come it's so easy to attract stuff related to horses and horsemanship, but it doesn't work elsewhere? This is why! Mindset! I've shifted my mindset successfully (I do not have to accept the lesser of two evils, I have a third option, I can eliminate entirely and/or transform evils into blessings) with relation to the area of horses—but I have not yet applied it to any of the OTHER areas of my life.

It was easier for me to do this with horses because the area was new to me, not a lot of mental baggage and beliefs to eradicate first, no big blocks in the way.

The point is, this "lesser evil" belief has permeated every area of my life, and it MANIFESTED. (We don't need to illustrate here all the many, many ways it has done so.)

Now that my eyes are wide open, I'm seeing things in a whole new light, seeing with sharp clarity how every situation I'm experiencing is a crystal clear manifestation of this old belief.

Parelli. WAY more than riding. Or horse training.

All Still Alive

Wow. Really? Almost a year since my last post. I'll be brief. It's all good. Shaveya has found a new owner, bonus is that she didn't even have to change barns. She's being bred and there should be a Paint foal skittering around the barn next Spring.

Cheerios is absolutely fine, and still my partner, though I've been lax with my studies. Not giving up on PNH, just not as active. Life is happening. Temp jobs, estate closing, dealing with life in general.

I did take Cheerios to a Carol Coppinger Level 2/3 clinic last summer, that was interesting (did I post about that?)... Carol is always awesome. Cheerios was quite the character, though. And it was hot. OMG was it hot. Blazing sun, humidity—I thought I was gonna die, and apparently Cheerios did too, because he decided to lay down while I was on him.

One thing I've learned, clinics are not to be taken lightly. If you are planning to attend one, make sure you AND your horse are in shape for it. Oh, if it's a Level One clinic and you haven't done much with your horse prior to it, you'll probably be all right. But for upper level clinics? Make sure you've been out there playing with your horse steadily and getting BOTH of you some form of moderate, consistent aerobic exercise for at least six weeks beforehand. Make sure YOU are in decent shape. You don't have to be skinny, just have endurance and be as fit as you can because it is WORK. It's fun, but it is hard, sweaty, physically-demanding work, even if you spend the day in the saddle rather than on your feet.

Think of it this way: would you dare to run the Boston Marathon if you'd only started jogging around the block last week? I think not.

Lesson learned.

WHERE HAVE I BEEN?

I'm still here! How do you like the new blog look?

So. Here's the update:

• My beloved farrier Kelly went on hiatus due to impending birth. (Her daughter was born June 13th—congrats!)
• I found a new farrier, AANHCP-friendly but not certified, who lives a mere 25 minutes from the barn
• She also has an IR horse
• Shaveya has gone to live with her and her IR horse on a small, private farm to be in a very controlled, IR-friendly environment where everything that might affect an IR horse is carefully monitored
• Shaveya has been witnessed cantering in for food (so it's working!)
• Cheerios and I rode in Carol Coppinger's L2/L3 course in nearby Port Clinton a month ago. It was fantastic.
• We're working on learning the spin, perfecting our short range circling, and gearing up to finally tape that darned L2 FreeStyle Audition
• I've been working intermittently for a phone survey company while seeking alternative sources of income
• I changed the look of the blog

That's about all for now. This time, I wrote detailed clinic notes while it was still fresh. I'll post next time. Adios!

All Things In Moderation
I'm referring to the comments, which are now being moderated due to sp@mmers. As this is a family-friendly horsemanship blog, we do not welcome offers from well-end*wed females looking for l*ve, nor does my horse require any sort of products to extend him in any way. Those who leave a comment to this effect on this blog will be given a Phase 4 they won't soon forget. Thank you, though, for reading, and for caring enough to make us aware of your presence.

The horse and I are on vacay until next year. Have a Merry and a Happy, and I'll see you in 2010.

NON-PNH FORUM POST
The post I wish I could have written. A bit of background: I've been nosing around online for a used Natural Performer saddle (size Large 17", medium fenders, chestnut or medium oil is my dream) for an affordable price. In the process, I came across several postings on other forums about Parelli.

One of them almost made me lose my Emotional Fitness.

I just really get frustrated sometimes with the ignorance that abounds, and it irks me when people speak authoritatively about Parelli when they actually (as evidenced by their misinformation) know nothing about Parelli or the program! These are the people responsible for the spreading of misinformation and the bad press that sometimes follows us Parelli folks around (not to mention the Parelli-trained horses that some people think need to be "fixed" and "un-Parellied" because they don't understand that it's not the horse, it's the PERSON who isn't responding correctly).

If it upsets me this much, I can't imagine what it must be like to actually BE Parelli and know what is being said.

Which is why I'm not a Parelli, I'm just a student of theirs. :-) Then again, their EF must be well-developed by now.

Anyway. The forum thread I was reading had to do with a girl who had just bought a horse from someone who had Parelli'd it, and it had behaved perfectly for the owner, but now she had it home with her and was having problems. So she came to a random horse forum seeking help from a Parelli person because she can't afford the DVDs.

Of course, she unwittingly started the typical "natural vs normal" war that seems to occur on these forums, and generated several pro-Parelli endorsements along with the usual venomous anti-NP trashing and Parelli-bashing. I was happy to read the Parelli respondees and their patient polite responses, but I blew a gasket when I saw a post that lumped Parelli in with the other NP trainers, calling it a generic training method that only works with some horses but would never work for an Arab, and saying Parelli and Clinton Anderson are pretty much the same if you can just ignore the philosophy stuff.

(Why, I ask, would you want to ignore the philosophy?)

This is what I wish I could have posted, had I wanted to bother to join a forum so obviously out of alignment with my own principles (and I might have a bit of my own data about Horsenalities wrong--it was written in passion; were I to post it, I'd research to make sure I had it right!):

Responding to the comment that CA and PP are generic:

Please exclude Parelli from this list, as Parelli is not generic. A huge part of the Parelli method involves isolating the individual horsenalities to help the student understand how to teach the horse. This is in reference to the comment that "Parelli won't work for some horses"—meaning the spookier ones or the ones with more energy like Arabs. This is not true. The other natural methods may be less effective than Parelli only because they tend to use one technique for every horse, whereas Parelli insists on determining the horsenality first—RBI, RBE, LBI, LBE—then adjusting the techniques accordingly in order to be as effective as possible.

For example, an LBI is motivated by food and "what's in it for me". Treats used as incentives—NOT BRIBES and there is a difference—will work with an LBI and encourage him to respond. The use of subtlety in cues, raising the horse's curiosity, and keeping him on his toes with a lot of variety will engage the horse's brain and keep him focused on and interested in you. They need quickness in the questions we ask of them, and they get bored easily. When they get bored, they act up. They can be a challenge because the human must be thinking one step ahead and have a plan in place, otherwise the horse will take over and recreate a new plan.

An RBE, however, is an entirely different animal. This is a high-energy horse very geared towards a flight response. This horse seeks safety and strong leadership. The human must match the horse's energy and go four ounces further. RBI's, on the other hand, need gentleness, softness, slower requests and a LOT of time to dwell in between. Patience is paramount with these horses, because they have serious trust issues and a lot of fear. I've worked with an RBE Arab who would be completely focused on me for quite awhile, then suddenly just lose focus. The moment she lost focus, she was a mess again.

All of this is found in the very in-depth Liberty & Horse Behavior study materials.

The philosophy and psychology Parelli's methods teach are what makes the program so effective! Until you understand WHY pressure motivates and release teaches, or WHY a RBI will react differently to a scary situation than an LBI (for example), you cannot fully understand the horse. Until one understands the horse, one will not be effective with him. No matter how well the person can keep their balance in the saddle, or how many Olympic/Rolex jumps and obstacles the person can get the horse over.

There was a post I saw on a blog today that claimed 90% of Parelli followers only do groundwork and never get in the saddle, and wondered why. I did respond to that one.

FOURTH RIDE
I did the honors today of giving Mona her fourth ride. This is a BIG bay Arabian two-year-old filly—she's probably already 15.1 hh with legs for miles. She's a beautiful horse with a lot of exuberance, and a sweet personality. It's hard not to fall for her.

But as she is not mine, and will be going home as soon as she is "ready", I have to keep some perspective.

Today, we learned that blue tarps blowing in the wind are nothing to worry about. We also learned that if a wagon goes by with a flat tire, it sounds like fluggedy flump, fluggedy flump, fluggedy flump, and even though it sounds scary, it isn't. We learned to pay attention to the leader during (un)controlled catastrophes. (Any "old-timers" remember that task from the earlier Level One assessment?)

I did the usual warm up, with emphasis on the Extreme Friendly Game (Lite version). Because of the wind and everything flapping around us, I wanted to be sure flappy flying things didn't bother her before I got on.

Nothing of note to report. Accepted the saddle like an old pro. I rode in my own Circle Y today with one shim because she is narrow in the withers and a bit downhill. It fit her quite well and solved the slippage issue I'd had with the BM's saddle. (The scary thing is, the Circle Y is the saddle I've been riding Cheerios in, and he's much wider—as soon as my inheritance comes through and I find one slightly used, I'm buying a Parelli Natural Performer or the earlier version; perhaps this is why he has trouble cantering?).

I played with her mouth a lot to prepare her for bridling. She's been bitted once. Not by me. The girl who did first ride tromped up to her, shoved the bit into her mouth, THEN asked me if she'd ever worn a bridle. When I went to bridle her the other day, she wasn't having any of it. So, I worked on trust, touching her tongue, rubbing her gums, rubbing the noseband of the hackamore on her mouth, and holding the hackamore like I'd hold the bridle so she gets used to the method.

I waited until the BM was done giving a lesson before mounting, and had the BM nearby to help. Like before, I had the BM lead Mona while I did a passenger lesson. Youngsters are so wobbly! They don't know how to balance a rider yet, and it's disconcerting. But she did well. We walked and trotted. Once she learns how to carry me, she'll have a beautiful trot with those long legs.

Then I tested rein positions, and I was IMPRESSED. She picked up Direct, Indirect and Lateral Flexion LIKE THAT. With NO encouragement from the BM on the ground! She also figured out Back Up pretty fast. Just a step or two was all I asked. She's getting it.

I think what surprises me is that I'm really good enough to teach her that, and have her respond to my focus, my leg/body, and my soft rein guidance.

You mean... maybe I really can do this?

MORE YOUNG HORSES
KAT
My apologies in the post delay; busy lately! Lots of barn visits; lots of phone calls to settle the last bits of Mom's Estate; and I got a part-time job FINALLY. It starts tomorrow. Evenings, telephone research. Plenty of daylight horse hours left wide open for me. It's a start, and I'm thankful for it.

So the update. Kat had a third saddle desensitization session only I went back to the BB pad because I wanted to begin preparing her to have me in Zone 3 above her eye, and see if she was ready to accept my weight. I don't ride English, I ride Western, so I'm doing it all bareback at first. (Just like Pat and Jake did on the SC DVD.)

Not much to say about it. Same stuff, different day. Although it took a LOT less time for her to allow me to blanket and pad her—minutes rather than hours. That is progress. We were done with the games/warm-up and ready to get tacked up when another rider wanted to borrow the round pen. It was a good time for a break, so I allowed it. I let Kat graze, hung out with her, bonded; then I decided to test out her Sideways down the fenceline. And this is where I learned the real reason why I "bother" doing Parelli.

She went Sideways beautifully then began to go very RB. Then I realized my foot was snagged.

Then I realized that one of the electric fence wires (the grey kind) was down, and had been curled up beside the fence—hidden in the grass, neither of us saw it, and I unwittingly sent my horse right into it!!!

Kat wasn't caught, but she thought she was. Basically she'd snagged a bit of it, dragged it sideways with her, and pulled out the coils into a big mess, which I'd gotten my own foot tangled in.

I took leadership, and she turned and faced. She was breathing hard, but waiting. I looked carefully at the wire, assessed the situation. Kat just waited. I calmly detached the wire from around my leg, then told her I was going to pull the wire out from under her, just stand still and you'll be fine.

I extracted the wire, moved her back a step off of a piece of it, and then got rid of all of it. We both heaved a huge sigh of relief. It could have been a disaster. But it wasn't—because thanks to PNH, I had a young RB horse who LISTENED and overrode her instincts, and I knew what to do.

I've also learned that just because the ground was clear during the past 364 days, it doesn't mean it's clear on day 365—always check to make sure it's clear before sending your horse that way (or yourself).

After distracting her with a few more games, I took her back to the round pen and although the other rider was still riding, I just went ahead and did my blanket/pad anyway. Yep. Outside of the pen, without a net. Then, tacked up, I let Kat graze until the rider was done.

Then I got the mounting stool and just did approach and retreat in Zone 3 on both sides, stepping up and down and rubbing her until she figured it out. The last thing I did was rest my upper body on her back and rub her thoroughly. She handled it well and let out a huge sigh. End of session.

MONA
Mona had her first ride with another rider. Then she had an unscheduled vacation while other horses were played with. It was suggested I have a different girl ride her, with me assisting. Since I'm doing this for the BM, I have tended to let her decide the procedures, figuring she knows her boarders' riding and training abilities better than I do.

That's about to change. I've learned something valuable. While one girl has been a working student with a prominent cross-country eventer (who has won the Rolex and a World Championship before) and spent the summer breaking two-year-olds, the riding ability is there, but the actual horsemanship is lacking. (I was told by her that the Eventer, who shall remain nameless, gives all the youngsters Ace before they are saddled the first time. I'm sorry. To me, that is the equivalent of giving them a roofie and date raping them. I am thoroughly unimpressed, and if it were me, I would not want to listen to a single thing the man said. Ribbons and championships aside).

Another girl has been riding for 11 years, but knows very little about how to teach a horse new things. Yet another spent two years in a very prestigious Equine program near here, but changed majors because the program directors not only belittled Parelli, but after inviting another well-known NH trainer to give a demonstration, they laughed at HIM. While he was demo-ing to their students!

These girls all have paper credentials and associated prestige; so they should know their manure, you'd think.

Well, this is what I've learned. Their horsemanship will tell you a lot more about their true knowledge than their mouths will.

And that's true for me, as well. I'm not saying I'm exempt. Or perfect. But I know my horsemanship, even in its growing stages, speaks for itself. And the funny thing is, the others are starting to look to ME for information. (Except for Ms Rolex Student. But her goals are different from mine.)

On Sunday, the 11-year rider (J) and I were to work with Mona on riding. I collected Mona in my usual manner. I played with her in the pen to see where she was mentally and emotionally. J watched, asked intelligent questions about why I was doing what I was doing, which I answered. Mona got to the ready point, and we proceeded to saddle her English. I circled her a bit, following PNH procedure.

Because she'd been bridled before by Ms. Rolex, I thought to test and see if Rolex had done the job well.

Nope. Mona didn't want anything to do with the bridle. I realized that bridling would have to be a separate session and left her in the halter. I tied up the 12-foot into reins, attached the 22, and J mounted up. It went fine. I held the end of the lead line as a safety net, and to help Mona find the answers when J asked her to respond to rein guidance. She rode Mona around a little bit, then we found a good stopping place.

The next day, J and I repeated the procedure for Mona's third ride.

Instead of bridling her, I opted for the hackamore instead. It makes sense: she's used to the Parelli halter and lead rope—it's the same thing with reins added. J mounted up, and we walked and trotted. Well, they walked and trotted—I stood in the center at neutral holding the popper. After a bit, J felt confident enough to take her around without my holding on. Mona was OK with that, but wasn't really responding to J's attempts to get her to go or turn.

I had one of those moments: you watch, you suggest, and you stand there getting antsy because you're just SURE if it were you up there, you'd be able to get her to do it.

So we switched. We swapped out English for Western. Mona saddled like an old pro. And I got on.

And yes, Virginia, I was right. Kicking her wasn't working (of course not). I did the PNH procedure. Sit up, energy up, squeeze gently but with increasing pressure, cluck, swing rope around myself... Mona leaned forward, I released and rubbed. Repeat: Mona leans forward, lifts leg, release and rub. Within about four of these, Mona understood to walk off when I did that. And we're walkin'...

Next, I tested Direct Rein. Of course, I used focus with the eyes, then my body, and reins last.

Mona TURNED. A little wobbly, but she did it. Pretty soon, I had her doing slow, wobbly S-curves across the round pen.

J watched the whole time. Suddenly she's full of questions for me. (I like that.)

We found a good stopping point when Mona sighed. I dismounted, and stood there with Mona resting her chin on my shoulder as I softly scratched her. I wish this was my horse. I wish they were ALL my horses, because I truly love them all.

I've realized that 11 years of being able to ride doesn't mean you know how to use your body to ride. Like most, J adopts The Position, and expects the horse to know what to do, or to be able to steer with the reins or legs while staring forward. The concept of looking where you want to go, not just with your eyes but your whole body, is new to her.

Parelli is amazing. From it, I have learned more about horses, horsemanship, riding, and myself (and other people) than I ever thought I could from a "video-driven horse training method".

J told me she'd been Googling horse methods, but there were so many out there, she was confused, it was hard to know which ones worked. I admitted that when I first heard of Parelli, I was skeptical—I thought it was a pyramid scheme, or one of those things that promised more than it delivered. Thankfully, my skepticism was quickly dismissed; seven years of being an obsessed PNH student proves it's not a pyramid scheme, it's a Godsend.

Perhaps we have a new convert in J? I can only hope.

CHEERIOS
Rode him and worked on everything. My main objective was to get us to L3 standard—we've been lazy. I've been letting him get away with being sloppy, with easing into a trot, easing out of it. I want smooth transitions and snappy departures. I want him to RESPOND when I ask for Sideways. I mean, snap to attention, Yes Ma'am, and go Sideways, straight and smooth, and don't stop until I ask.

It's been more like "Sigh...." one reluctant step or two Sideways, then angle out so he's walking at a diagonal.

I fixed that.

He was a bit miffed because I actually dared to get firm with him. He got firm with me and ran my knee into the electric wire and fence post on the way out the gate. The bruise is pretty huge and ugly, but it missed my knee cap.

He's used to being in charge. He's LBI. He's not used to me taking leadership. But we tightened up a lot of things in that session.

So the next session I played at Liberty with him, and taught small new things. Like lead from the mane, tail, lip, ear. Just the beginnings. I switched gears. Nothing huge to report—it's all preliminary right now. But I think, pending the next week, we'll be taping on the 30th.