Wednesday, April 08, 2009

I'm allowed to change my mind. It's been an agonizing decision. But, I've decided that I AM still on the path to PNH Professional. Every time I turn away from it, my heart breaks. It's said that God can make a way where none exists... I'm choosing to have faith that He will help me get there.

That's why those widgets appear to the left of this post section. One is because I need immediate help keeping my horses safe from errant disease; the other is a savings fundraiser aimed toward my Parelli Professional training.

I have been and am still looking for a job, but even when I get one, I'm starting at zero. Saving that much money could be a challenge; someday, I'll be able to sell the house I'm living in, and likely net a good stash of cash, but I'd really rather not. This is my childhood home. It's my last connection to my dead parents. I grew up here. Though I don't imagine dying here, I'm still deeply attached to it and it seems like a heck of a sacrifice to make for a career.

But we'll cross that bridge when and if we get to it. My hope—no, my INTENTION—is that God will find another way to fund my career. So I've set my intention with the Universe and God by launching that Parelli Dreams widget to raise $100,000 by the end of the year. It will all go into an interest-bearing annuity until I'm admitted into the Professionals program.

I haven't decided what to do with it if I didn't get in, because... as they say, don't make a Plan B lest Plan B becomes THE Plan.

You know, God gave me an unmistakable sign back in 2002. And in 2001.

The day I bought Cheerios and brought him home to the barn, the first person I met was a Parelli student.

That night, a group of boarders were having a pizza/movie night in the caretaker's house. I was invited to join them. It was the one and only movie night they ever had in the five years I boarded there. The movie?

One Day With Pat Parelli.

I had no idea who he was; all I knew was, I watched what he and that little blonde gal were doing with their horses, and I said to myself, "that's what I am gonna be doing with my horse this summer", not realizing it wasn't as easy as The Black Stallion beach scene made it look.

But the clincher was 2002. May 24th, to be exact. A couple of weeks earlier, one year to the date of falling off Cheerios, injuring my back and becoming afraid, I'd finally hit Send and purchased the Level One kit (old VHS version). On May 24th, a Friday, right before Memorial Day Weekend, at precisely 4:30 PM, my boss called me into the office to let me know that 20% of the workforce was being laid off due to post-9/11 economic considerations. That was a whopping five people, me being one of them.

I wasn't upset. I qualified for unemployment—I saw it as a paid vacation for a few months while I decided whether or not to continue in my field, and the perfect opportunity to spend the summer like the kid I'd always wished I could have been—playing with my horse all summer long.

I cleaned out my space, finished my work, emailed everyone—it took a while. By the time I arrived home, it was dark. On my front porch I spotted something.

Oh, a FedEx box. Long and skinny. And another one.

It was my Level One kit. According to the label, it had been delivered to my house right around 4:30 PM—at the precise moment my boss was letting me go and freeing me forever from the graphic design world.

Now. You tell ME that wasn't a clear sign. "Here. You're meant to do this PNH thing. I'm clearing your schedule so you can focus on it. You're welcome."

I've had ups and downs, and I didn't grow up with horses which tested my self-confidence and made me doubt I could actually do this. But Neil Pye didn't grow up with them, either, and he became a 5-Star before handling the business end. And Pat didn't, either, though he started earlier than Neil or I did. Still—it's proof that one doesn't have to grow up on hroseback to be able to learn how to "train" horses (the Ultimate Way™) or ride them.

Anybody with the heart and desire, and the commitment to the program, can learn how to do this.

Even me.