Two Years

Time flies. Good Lord, it's been over two years since my last post.

Well, there isn't much in the way of horse activity to report. I've moved barns (again). Cheerios moved in order to be leased by a 4H-er, but the girl graduated high school, moved out, got a boyfriend, and forgot all about the horse she'd fallen madly in love with in February. So his lease is up in the air pending being given to a different 4H-er to use, and I haven't been on him since last summer sometime, and I haven't had the time, energy or motivation to do anything with horses in quite awhile.

Part of it is that I moved into a full-time position last summer, and then I took three Philosophy classes at night in the fall (do not recommend that). Putting in 13-hour days four nights a week then having three classes' worth of reading (and academic paper writing) to do does not leave much time for horses.

Another part is vertigo. And weight gain. I get out of breath when I move too much, and I have intermittent vertigo now that throws off my balance. I've probably had it awhile. I noticed I was having trouble balancing and finding my balance point a couple of years ago, but chalked it up to the saddle being shimmed wrong, or just the heat or something.

Now, I'd be uncertain about getting up on a horse and trying to stay put. I mean, I get dizzy in the shower, and it feels like the tub is falling out from under me. I thought the house was collapsing until I had it happen when I was out of the shower on very solid non-mushy floor, and realized it's me.

Shaveya stayed behind and is a happy little broodmare. She's had two fillies so far. One came out a mini-me and got sold within the year. This year's is a palomino solid. Well, I got her so I could have a broodmare. What I didn't count on was that the babies and the pleasure of watching them grow up would not be mine to have.

It may well be that my time with horses is over. If it is, I've been unwilling to accept it, because that was my main connection to my late father, as well as my childhood dream. 

I guess, though, that once a childhood dream is fulfilled, doesn't mean it will go on. Maybe the fulfillment of it was the main part.

Maybe it's time to let go.