Tuesday, April 29, 2003

04.27.03 Bleagh
Yeahhh... some days you wake up and you just know it ain't gonna be a good day....

Well, it might have gone better if my roommate hadn't decided to start the morning off right by initiating a disagreement over the distribution of household chores that resulted in my getting upset, angered, irritated and generally out of focus. Unfortunately, I'm one of those people who has a hard time letting go of those feelings once they surface, and it wears on me like a bad stench. The kind equines can smell.

My "perfume" didn't go over very well with Cheerios, who took one look at me and bolted, wild-eyed. Usually, he saunters up to me, happy to see me. Nope. Not today. Couldn't blame him. He probably worried I'd take it out on him (I wouldn't) or that I was mad at him for some unknown mistake (I wasn't).

Luckily Wildflower is not so easily upset. In fact, she is rather sympathetic. Probably b/c she has Bad Mare Days herself. I admit I was pretty inconsistent that day but she tolerated me well. She even let me cry on her big bay shoulder and listened patiently while I complained and poured out all my problems. She let out a lot of huge sighs. So our session started out with that. My emotional outpouring.

We didn't do as well with things as the day before. Admittedly, I was probably giving up too easily b/c of my mood. I was already frustrated, and just didn't feel focused or like a leader at all. So after a picture-perfect day where everything flowed smoothly and my Red String seemed only inches away, to have it seemingly degenerate overnight, was very very frustrating.

However, the bright spot was that we succeeded in backing up through the gate. The first time was really really really hard b/c her instinct was to turn and face the opening and I had to keep directing her back over there, ok now hide your butt, ok now—no, wait, go back over there don't turn, now hide your—ok wait—ok back over there, wait, too far, wait—oh crap... ok, circle around me and—whoa, whoa, wait, ok, keep circling now hide your—big sigh—ok... let's see...

...then suddenly she caught on. And she did it. This was at the very beginning before I even used her as my psychologist. So I tried again at the end—and it didn't take as long, and she did it.

So my four hours were worth it, for that.

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