08.16.03

The ones who will make it into PNH Instructor's school aren't the Tonya Hardings of the world, I can tell you that. Every member of Parelli's organization is kind, generous, trustworthy, helpful, and truly supportive of others' goals. They are more concerned with seeing others move up in their levels than they are with their own success.

The Former Friend (FF), on the other hand, is all about themselves. More concerned with how they look in a class than what is being learned. Can't stand to look bad, not even for a second. Well, that's their problem, not mine. My goal in clinics is to learn and improve. If I look stupid doing something or make mistakes, great. The instructor will help me. That means I can learn something and be better next time. It's not a performance, for chrissakes.

FF has not contacted me since the clinic earlier this month, except to forward a couple of jokes and gloating PNH-related letters. No response to any of my emails, except for one, in which I was berated for not attending to my duties as a stall manager at the clinic. All misspellings are as it was sent to me (only the names have been changed):

I hope you can handle the truth ... the point blank honeste of what I'm about to say here....
The problem is you expected Truck and I to bring your horse like last time without checking with us to see if we could. I expected you to have already made plans. I only found out you were expecting us to get your horse there the same day you had agreed to be there from 6-9 to check people in. The system I had ... thank God ... worked out even though you were not there. I'm sure you picked up on my being a bit miffed about not being able to count on you twice. I felt bad about not being more excited for you with your passing Level One but I had plenty of other things going on and not being able to count on you really let me down. I managed to be able to do it all and ride. Dealing with the toilet problem and everything and still rode in the clinic. I expected problems from OG, and the curve balls she keep tossing out there but from you. That hurt. I already have riders volunteering to work the next clinic so it will not be a problem next time.

Congratulation on your L 1. I really should have been more supportive about that at the clinic.

Yeah, and if you were a TRUE FRIEND, my dear, THAT would have been the priority.

It's been way too hot and muggy during this heatwave to be out at the barn, so I have no idea what the atmosphere has been like. Following the clinic, we had rain, rain, and more rain, rendering the round pen half-full of green stagnant water; the arena a mud lolly, and the mare's pasture a swamp of magnanimous proportions. I've had ONE session with WF. It went well; we played the games, I gave her withers a gooooood scratching with the end of the carrot stick that had her wiggling her upper lip and reaching around to groom my "withers". Then I worked on snappier transitions and quicker responses. Then it began raining. WF looked at me as if to say we are done now, aren't we? Silly horse. It's just liquid sunshine. Until the rope gets soaked through and muddy and becomes a heavy, unwieldy and ineffective mess. And then the rain cleared up and the heatwave began, and somewhere in the middle of it my motivation dried up.

The next chapter in this sorry tale concerns the NEON Savvy Camping Trip that was supposed to take place this weekend. The bunch of us from our barn were planning to meet up with members from the Cleveland NEON group for a horse-camping trip. My inquiry as to when we were going was ignored. Then I was anonymously forwarded an excerpt from an email from FF to someone else about the trip. It was about ME (as usual, names changed to descriptions):

Truth be told I just want to take up all the room in the trailer so that Jeanne could not pull one of her last minute "When are we taking the horses?"
She already sent me a e mail: I just don't have the stomach to put up with her for a hole weekend. A Male L1 Student was so pissed about her running into him in the clinic, I know she will never be welcome at there place for play days.
BD must feel bad for her because he told her there was no wedding he had to go to after the clinic. Said he couldn't lie to her. Well, he's lied to me enough times and never felt bad about it.
Find a horse to take for someone so we can say all the trailers are full. Hell if Truck does not go I'll just say it's My Horse, BD's Horse, and NB's Horse in my trailer with BD driving. I can't wait to hear from Truck. I'll plan to call her tomorrow. I want to talk to her before Jeanne talks to her.

The duplicitous cow is as mean as a half-skinned hungry snake! Telling someone else that they should all just LIE to me, oh the trailer's full, sorry, no room for you, boo hoo. The story is that apparently I am a direct threat to FF's success and progress in PNH—total bull, b/c your progress is completely up to your level of motivation, ability, and dedication to the work—therefore, I must be stopped or delayed and put out of the competition. The idea FF has is to ruin my confidence and turn everyone against me by spreading innocuous, easily-believable lies about me that if you don't know me, you might be inclined to believe but if you did know me and my character, you'd dismiss as crazy talk. Inhibit my progress, encourage newer students to hurry up and pass me (so I'll feel what—less capable?)—sorry, but that has the opposite effect: it only makes me more motivated to work harder and pass L2, b/c if they can do that already, I certainly shouldn't have any difficulty with it since I've been at it for much longer and it feels more natural. Surprisingly, IT WORKS. Seeing how sloppily the other L1 students were performing the tasks and hearing them pass only bolstered my belief that if that's all it takes to pass, we've got this licked, sticked, and delivered!

I'd sware profusely, but this is a family Blog.

I have no intention of further associating with FF, nor with Truck or any of the people who are even hesitantly friendly to FF. Especially not the ones whose loyalties flip flop from "best buddy" to "eh, we're not on speaking terms this week" and back the next. They can't be trusted with confidences b/c they'll confide in ME when they are "out", but turn my words against me when they are let back "in". I have to wonder if that isn't also part of the master plan, b/c the timing always seems to coincide.

The ones who are completely neutral and have no association with FF other than to nod and say "hi" as they pass in the barn, or the ones who have likewise been irrevocably wronged as I have, I will continue to be friendly to. But I think that my days of buddying up in the barn are over. I am on my own. It is me and my horses and our plan and no one else's. If that means I miss a clinic due to lack of a trailer, so be it. They accept videotaped submissions at PNH.

They'll figure FF out soon enough. Hell, FF told me once that the goal for the year was that Pat Parelli himself would know their name by the end of the year. Methinks the wish may be granted—but not in the manner they were hoping. More likely, it'll be litigation-induced, not favorably induced.

Me, I keep my nose clean, and maintain honesty and integrity in all of my practices. When I say something about somebody, even if it's negative, it is ALWAYS the truth. I don't lie. Not that they would know that, because they don't know what an honest person is. And I don't believe that we can further our goals by hurting those of others. The only way to achieve success is to WORK for it honestly. We'll just see who gets their L2 first. And we'll just see who might wind up an instructor. I really don't care, it's not a competition; but time will prove who the real horsepeople are, who has the talent, and who can be trusted.

08.06.03
Sometimes the Light is Too Bright

It all started with my ride to the Carol Coppinger clinic. My understanding, as it was explained to me by FF, was that anytime I needed a ride to a clinic or to borrow the trailer, all I had to do was ask. No problem. And don't worry about it, we will make sure you always have a ride to local clinics. What part of that, when you are specifically TOLD this, could be construed as "assuming"?

The original plan that was told to me was that my horse would be delivered to the clinic site on the Thursday before the clinic, and that after getting her settled, I was supposed to help the incoming L1 riders find their stalls, which I happily agreed to do. This arrangement was made at Bruce's clinic in May. We had discussed it several times since. All was a "go" for me to have the same hauling arrangement for Carol's clinic as for Bruce's. Of course, this was when I was still signed up for the Level TWO clinic.

Perhaps I should backtrack? Yes.

After successfully passing all but nine tasks on my L1 Assessment, I was certain that between May and August I could tighten up the problem areas and be ready for L2 in August. I registered for and paid for participation in the Level TWO clinic. I was accepted. All was well and good for the rest of May into June.

WF and I worked diligently to improve and to begin L2 tasks. I was only home 15 out of 30 days in June due to travelling, but our progress was going well. Then I was hit with a bombshell. FF, also the local clinic registrant and my supposed friend, informed me that I had been bumped back to the L1 clinic (without asking me first if that was acceptable) b/c the right was theirs to do and b/c several of the participants signed up for L2 had already passed L2 and therefore the clinic would be an Advanced L2 and too advanced for me to handle.

I was a bit put out. My response was to inquire as to L2 clinic requirements. I was told that I had to be Official L1 or have passed 90% of the tasks (I had passed 65%) and be working on L2 to qualify, but it was stressed that I would be so far behind the rest that they'd rather see me be the star L1 student than the worst-looking L2. Besides, it was being changed into an Advanced L1 clinic so I wouldn't be bored. Play on that self-confidence, why dontcha? But I backed down, b/c I still was operating under the belief that this came from my FRIEND, who wanted the best for me, who wanted to help me achieve my goals.

But my gut began to bark at me. I felt as if I was being manipulated, perhaps. A couple weeks went by. Then the story came out about the Other Girl. The Other Girl (OG) who had just passed L1 at Bruce's clinic and registered for L2 had been bumped back like me, and this girl stood up for herself and said, "no way—I paid for L2, I'm staying in L2." OG got to keep her L2 spot. The rest of the story developed later, when OG attended the first Play Group meeting that I missed due to being out of town. FF was demonstrating some L2 tasks and talking about the difficulties encountered with them, then focused pointedly on OG and said "you passed your L1 so you've been working on L2 now—you know what I'm talking about, right?" OG stammered and said that she hadn't really done anything with her horse since Bruce's clinic in May—then she said she supposed she'd better bump back to L1 as suggested, eh?

The response was "sorry, L1 is full, you'll just have to stay in L2 now" and that OG had better get her butt in gear and read ALL of the L2 booklets and practice like crazy between now and the clinic and just hope she'd be able to keep up, sorry but you should have taken my advice in the first place. When the story was relayed to me, FF said smugly "I could have been nice about it and just refunded her money and let her out of the clinic, but I wanted to make an example of her. Do you think that's too mean?"

I was horrified. I thought I'd best not push the L2 clinic spot issue much further. Just suck it up, stay in L1, and hope that it actually did become an Advanced clinic.

Then my pride got the better of me and I decided to call Carol myself. I called and explained that I'd been bumped to L1, but I'd already been to two L1 clinics, had nine more tasks to pass and two of them weren't a big deal, just nerves, and asked about requirements and Carol's response was to tell me what to do to fix the problem that was keeping us from passing the bulk of the tasks, then ask that I videotape them and send it to her along with the resubmit fee ($60) and she'd help me get out of L1 and if I did, there's no reason why I couldn't be in the L2.

Needless to say, I never got it videotaped b/c one task, the Figure 8 at the Trot, kept eluding us, and despite my asking my supposed friend for help, I never got it. Around the fifth time I asked FF to help, I was told that I wasn't supposed to know this, but Carol automatically assesses everyone during the clinic but does it secretly so that people don't try to "perform" rather than learn, and that the reason it was so strongly suggested that I stay back in L1 was so I could save my money since I was unemployed and pass at the clinic. I was like, OH. Well, gee, why didn't you say so earlier? All smiles. Relaxed. OK, I'll stay in L1.

Seque to 4:00 pm on the Thursday before the clinic, when I had not heard from FF about when we were trailering the herd in. I began to panic. When were we loading in? Nobody had answered my earlier inquiries. (It never occurred to me until today that since I'd been bumped to L1 perhaps I no longer qualified for a ride in the L2 trailer.) I finally reached FF and was told that they weren't loading in until their L2 clinic. Maybe I could catch a ride with one of the other boarders who was taking his daughter's horse to the L1. (She shall be known as NewBie, or NB, b/c this was her first L1 clinic and she's only been in the program a short time. The dad will be known as BD, or Big Daddy.) I BARELY got ahold of them in time, and they graciously offered to trailer my horse.

Because of the mixup, we were late getting to the clinic site, and I could not assume my duties as signer-inner. Strike one against me. Or is that two? Then the clinic went by... great clinic, lots of fun, we played simulations without our horses that summarily fixed every problem I had with the riding tasks, and we started some L2 tasks like riding with Carrot Sticks. It turned into an Advanced L1, despite having one White Roper—our term for a complete newbie b/c if your lead rope is pure white, you've yet to play with your horse—who bought the equipment literally ten minutes before the clinic began.

After the clinic, we did our Assessments. The first night, Carol did full assessments on people who've never been Assessed for that level. I was so proud of NB, b/c this was her first L1 clinic and first assessment and she'd only been in the program for a couple months, yet she passed all but TWO tasks on the first go. You could see that she was a nervous wreck, though. Tasks that proved difficult had her near tears. FF was on hand to watch the whole time. She was very focused on NB and offered continual encouragement, as did I.

The second night, after the L1 clinic wrapped, Carol did the resubs. NB, the White Roper, myself and one other person did our resubs. As you know, I passed; so did NB. We were both so excited for each other. NB was surprised that she'd made it, despite a background in hunter/jumper which gave her the edge in horse experience. I wasn't. I was thrilled for her. Maybe this'll get BD off his duff and inspire HIM to get into the program seriously, I thought.

After Carol told me we'd passed everything, I did a Rocky, while still mounted. Arms in the air, VICTORY! YESSSS!!!!! And then my eyes welled up in gratitude for the wonderful horse that was responsible for us achieving this milestone. I sat on her, composing myself and taking in the moment. It felt like winning the Miss America Pageant. After a few moments, I dismounted, relieved, and walked past FF on my way to take out my horse. I expected congratulatory hugs, high fives, excitement. I got "Oh. Yeah. Nice job. Now. Here's what I need you to do with the incoming L2s and the outgoing L1s" and proceeded to run down this HUGE list of do's and dont's and explanations of the coding system and cash system and who paid and who hadn't and blahblahblahblah and here's a pen and take these papers on your way." Then dismissal and walk away. I was left standing there in disbelief, overloaded with carefully organized, precariously balanced papers, a pen, and all my equipment.

What just happened here? I wondered. Did I do something wrong?

The shit really hit the fan a bit later, when I discovered that my ride home was bailing on me. Some poorly mumbled excuse from BD about a wedding reception, no time to take both horses home. I was caught in the middle of panic at trying to find another ride on impossibly short notice, being devastated that my L1 was completely dismissed by my "friend", pissed at having to come up with three more days' worth of stall fees I couldn't afford, and frustrated at having to try to deal with both issues while an incoming L2 wanted to know where to put their horse. Not that I could figure it out from the scatterbrained instructions I'd been given.

NB, in whose trailer I had come, noticed I was upset and inquired as to why. When I told her I was upset at having lost my ride with her, she looked confused. The wedding reception was news to her. She left to speak with BD and came back and said I was indeed riding with them. So I scrambled around getting my stuff together and loading my horse, after dragging the L2 person in to meet FF and handing back the stack of stall sheets and pen and apologizing for having to bail but swaring I'd be back ASAP after dropping off WF at home. The trailer left on its way to its first stop, and I cleaned out my stall really well before leaving. As I left the site, a horrendous storm came up and I was dangerously trying to race through horizontal rain and 60 mph winds around downed tree branches to get to the barn in time.

Once there, I heard the Rumor of What I Had Allegedly Done. Subsequently, after being pulled aside by several also-recently-enlightened individuals, I gathered the following information, things that FF had done:

1) Told BD to come up with a lie and strand me and not take me home

2) Said that the reason to strand me was to use it against me in retaliation for the "conversation with PNH" that "got them into trouble"

3) Was planning to make sure I paid for all of the stall time including keeping my stall cleaning deposit before agreeing to haul my horse with their trailer at the end of the clinic to take me home two days later

4) Was planning to have a change of mind at the last minute, pick a fight and leave us there without a ride

5) Told NB that they would pay for her clinic, never telling her it was the free L1 spot—then made NB do 70 loads of FF's family's laundry for a week to "pay it off"

6) Heavily pressured NB to assess before she wanted to because it was necessary that she "beat" me to L1 certification

7) Was extremely happy that I'd been "beaten" to L1 certification by NB by two minutes

8) Didn't want me to pass my L1 at all, which is why no additional help was given to me by my so-called "friend"

9) Wanted me and the OG out of the L2 class so the class wouldn't be slowed down by our "inexperience" b/c FF wanted it to be an Advanced L2/Intro L3 class and if newbie L2 students were involved, Carol would have adjusted the pace accordingly.

10) When it was discovered that I was purchasing some PNH equipment on behalf of another non-PNH boarder (at their request), NB asked how much the bill was and then proclaimed loudly that they would happily pay for it and that I should tell the boarder that—but was secretly planning to find some excuse later to refuse to pay for it, hoping the boarder would blow off paying me, get pissed at me for lying about FF's intent to pay for it and subsequently I'd get stuck paying for it (which is the same amount, interestingly enough, as what my extra stranded stall fees plus cleaning deposit would have amounted to, had I not found a ride AND cleaned my stall and foiled the plan of cheating me out of the deposit.)

11) Is telling everyone that matters that the reason I tried to "put a stop to FF's demo" was because I was trying to sabotage them so they wouldn't be able to become an instructor—by messing up their "résumé video opportunity"—because I'm afraid I won't make it into the program unless they are not in it (or some such nonsense like that, I really couldn't get a grip on the bassackwards logic even after it was explained three times) and that I don't want anyone in the area to know about PNH until I'm an instructor so I can have all the L1s to myself. Or something like that.

12) Thought it was cool that their horse wasn't afraid to go up onto the seating area during the demo. DUHHHH!!! Can you say, "liability insurance"? Doubt it. I still can't believe they're in denial about that. Think about it. Would Pat Parelli allow HIS horses to do that? No? Well, why do you suppose not?

13) Tried to cheat me out of my stall deposit by claiming they had someone else pick it out for me (since I'm "too lazy and undependable to do it myself" and assuming that due to the ride home mixup I'd planned to put it off until morning and play into FF's hand), not knowing that after loading my horse into BD's trailer, I'd picked it out while missing Carol's public demo on the second day, and that I'd looked at all the outgoing L1 stalls the next morning to compare them to mine before confronting FF about the deposit. The reaction? A sneering "Oh. Well, I was going to give you back your deposit anyway."

14) Purposely kept me away from Carol's public demo so that I would not be able to communicate with the newspaper reporter, who, incidentally, was only there because I initiated the conversation about PNH with her during an interview with me for an article on favorite places to walk in the county. I wrote about riding WF in the woods, and they contacted me in July for an interview (during which I brought up PNH), sent out a photographer, and published it in the paper, the same weekend as the ill-fated "demo/clinic". I specifically invited my PNH barn buddies to ride along AND passed on FF's email to the reporter so that FF could have an "in" to promote the clinic and the "demo".

And what is the reasoning behind all this? I am dumbfounded. I've been nothing but a true friend to this person. I've been supportive. I've gone out of my way to help them promote PNH locally. I've shared secrets, allowed them to cry on my shoulder, stepped in when they were in trouble... and this, THIS, is how I'm rewarded. I should have learned my lesson from the last time we had a falling out, when once again, I became the scapegoat for something that may or may not have happened the way I was told it did. Funny the things that happen when your back is turned. Every time something happened that was supposedly my fault, my back WAS turned, so I could only go by what I was told.

I was persona non grata and desperately confused and hurt by their betrayal following last fall's incident, until winter passed and suddenly I was needed. Suddenly, I had some purpose for FF's master plan. They didn't tell ME what it was; all I know is that the Autumn Incident was waved away as a misunderstanding, all was forgiven, let's be friends again, they were wrong. Peace offering: a hand-crafted stall sign for WF's door.

I was hesitant; but... not many people in the barn are studying PNH, and it helps to have support from upper-level students... and I really had liked this person genuinely from the moment we met after I moved into the barn, despite being warned off of them. Surely no one could be as bad as they were saying, right?

Yeah, and Tanya Harding was just misunderstood.

SUCCESS!!! 08.02.03
WE DID IT!!! Wildflower and I achieved Official Level One Certification tonight, following Carol Coppinger's Advanced Level One/Intro to Level Two clinic in Toledo this weekend. Oh, what a glorious day!

If you can discount all the bullshit that's happened on the road to it, that is.

I will state here and now that I believe that if you lead by positive example, others will follow. I also believe that one's actions will ultimately override any negative or slanderous words or rumors that others might put forth into the world. Eventually, the truth shall be revealed, and the liar's masks will come off.

You might wonder why I am writing in such a vein this evening. Note that although I have added new entries dating from 05.23.03, it has been a good month or so since I last blogged. A great deal has happened around our barn in that time. People have revealed colors that I'd never thought possible. I have literally been yanked through the wringer by some individuals, had my worst fears and suspicions confirmed by others, and have been forced to re-examine each relationship with my horse-oriented "friends" to determine who can be trusted and who is a bald-faced, backstabbing liar.

Our victory celebration was shattered by one person's dismissal of our success, coupled by their outright mean attempts to have my horse's ride leave me stranded at the clinic. I have since discovered, as information has come to light with verifiable proof to support it, that there is one person associated with the PNH program as a student whose motivations are purely self-serving and who will literally do anything, no matter how wicked, cruel or heinous, to achieve their goals. No matter who it hurts in the process. Oh, yes, you may have heard their name mentioned. But b/c I refuse to participate in their games of slander and finger-pointing, I will just divulge enough details to tell the story. If they read this, they and others who know them will know exactly who the subject is.

There is a rumor floating around our barn that I contacted PNH to tattletale on someone who was purportedly passing themselves off as a horse trainer/endorsed PNH instructor. There are two parts to this rumor: the truth, and the lie attached later. In situations like this, people who aren't on the inside of the circle tend to only hear the parts they want to, and the lies get believed while the truths are only half-answered. Case in point: YES I contacted PNH. That's the only part of the rumor that is TRUE.

As a member of our local savvy Play Group, I was scheduled to participate in a free demonstration of PNH to the public. Now, you would think that if this is a group effort, then the group will certainly have several meetings to discuss the format and details of this demo. This did not occur. Instead, one person assumed leadership, arranged everything, and basically told everyone else when and where to show up. Very little information was provided. Questions were asked, answers were either not provided or glossed over. I began to feel uneasy about participating in the demo b/c of the grey areas; there are distinct differences between a clinic and a demo and I was concerned about anyone of us inadvertently doing something that might cross the line and be problematic for those of us with serious intentions of pursuing a career as an instructor.

Following several failed attempts to get satisfactory answers from the Person In Charge Of the Demo, heretofore known as FF for Former Friend, I decided to take matters into my own hands. I called PNH Corporate and asked to speak with a customer service rep. Karen came on and was very pleasant. The following is the exact conversation, practically verbatim, that we had:

ME: "Hello, I'm a Level One (L1) student and a bunch of us at our barn are studying L1 and L2 and we were wondering if it was appropriate or even acceptable at our levels to give some sort of free demo to people to show them what we've accomplished with our horses; and if so, then are there some established guidelines you could share so that we'll know what we can and cannot do?"

PNH: "Sure! Yes, it's fine for you to do a demo. There aren't any formal guidelines in place because we really don't encourage it because of the fine line between teaching and demonstrating, but what we tell all of our students interested in doing this is that you should treat it like a play day, not a clinic, make sure it's clear that it isn't a clinic; make sure there is no confusion about your being students, not endorsed instructors; don't take money or charge admission; avoid using the PNH logo on any flyers; use your own levels horses and stick to the partnership packs for your current level and most of all, just try to have fun. Call it a play day and invite people to come and watch. Let them know that they are free to ask questions about what you're doing, but don't try to teach the program as that is the territory of the instructors. Answer them to the best of your ability within the framework of the level you're studying. You can certainly mention any upcoming clinics being presented by endorsed instructors."

ME: "What about doing a green horse demo, teaching a new horse the games?"

PNH: "Absolutely not at this level. Mostly because of the safety factor. Once you have your L3, then you are perfectly capable of doing this, but because there are so many unknowns with a new horse, at L1 and L2, we just don't have enough savvy yet to be prepared for all of the possibilities. Sometimes we can think we know all the issues a horse has, then we get them in front of a crowd and things go wrong. Say you had a former show horse and you were teaching him the games and everything was going right; then he responds to something exceptionally well and makes a big change and the audience applauds, and you discover that he has a big issue with applause and goes off! It could be disastrous, someone or the horse could get hurt. It could also have the opposite effect and turn people off to the program if that happened, because the doubters would take it as proof that the program doesn't work. So no, we do stress that this should be avoided until after you're official L3."

ME: "So would we have an MC, or someone explaining the games as we do them? Or do we avoid talking as much as possible?

PNH: "Since it's just like a playday only with spectators, you wouldn't talk much except to answer any questions they may have, keeping within the information in the partnership pack."

ME: "So basically if someone says 'what are you doing with your horse', you can answer; but if they say 'I have a horse at home that does this, what can I do to fix it?..."

PNH: "If they ask about your horse, you answer within your level. If they have more specific questions, you just tell them that you don't know enough yet to answer that, but they can contact one of our instructors via phone or email or attend a clinic where they will know better how to help you."

ME: "Great—thank you!"

PNH: "You're welcome! Keep it Natural!"

Armed with this knowledge, I contacted FF and relayed the information. FF was not happy. The reaction was dammit, now I can't do it my way and blow it off as ignorance when they come after me later, although that was never specifically said, yet implied and apparent from the attitude. I was asked to step down from the demo b/c I didn't seem comfortable participating. I was relieved, especially when I was told that this did not negatively affect our friendship in anyway, which had been a concern. I didn't want to unintentionally piss off FF b/c #1) I still at that point believed that we were genuinely friends and genuinely wanted the best for each other, and #2) I had approached this as speaking on behalf of a group of friends who were curious and excited about sharing our love for PNH with others. Not once did I say anything accusatory or defamatory towards anyone. Not once did I use any names, except for MY OWN. That someone could take this information and twist it evilly to suit their own devices is mind-boggling to me.

I attended the demo; it was photographed in glorious color for the newspaper and upcoming interview. Observing it from a purely objective viewpoint, I'd have to say that it was 85% a low-rent clinic, 10% glorification of FF's abilities, and 5% legitimate student demo/clinic promotion. In fact, it nearly ended disastrously when FF's horse changed his mind about Circling at Liberty, headed for the unprotected seating area after nearly jumping the barrier between the arena and the stalling area, and tromped up onto the boards into the horrified audience. There was only ONE PERSON in the entire place with the savvy to know that this was a bad thing AND that had the savvy to know what to do.

ME.

Everyone else, even the big-shot horse trainer who'd come to watch, backed up away from the runaway horse. Except for me. I saw him coming before he made up his mind to come, and was up off my stool, Driving him with my hands, carefully gaining his focus without activating his adrenaline further. He stopped, backed a couple steps, waited. The audience was dead silent. I changed my posture to indicate "go over there" and he obeyed and turned quietly around 180 degrees. Then I drove him from behind until he stepped off the seating boards. By this time, his owner had regained what little sense remained, and collected him. That was the end of the Liberty demo. The comment from FF was,"Oh, that's so cool, that he's not afraid to go up there and explore!" Absolutely stupidly tickled.

Anyone with real horse sense would know how potentially dangerous that situation was, even with a dead broke horse! Inside of every tame horse is a wild one waiting to come out, and on rare occasions, for no apparent reason, the wild horse will come out. That horse, however calmly, was in the process of escaping. He was quietly panicking. He was looking for a way to leave, go home, get out of there. Quiet, yes, but he had shifted instantly to right brain thinking, which is instinctual and adrenaline-driven, and at that point could very well have had his wild side triggered by ANYTHING. Someone scratching their nose, for instance, could invoke a long-buried memory that we would know nothing about: the cruel trainer who scratched his nose before beating the crap out of him, for example. Hypothetically speaking, of course. Or someone could have made a motion that they were unaware would say to him, come here NOW.

He could have become frightened, kicked, bitten, bucked, anything. ANYTHING. Anytime you are with a horse, there is a chance. If he's deadbroke, it's 99% chance he'll behave, 1% he'll explode. Anything less than deadbroke and your percentages for explosion go up. But 1% is still a definite possibility, and we do not know what could trigger it!

I left that demo shaking my head over the amazingly large egos and the grandiosity of the delusions held within some of the brains of my fellow PNHers. But yet, I thought it was blown over, that life around the barn would now resume some semblance of normalcy, and I could return to hanging out with my PNH friends, enjoy playing with our horses together, and move on.

Wrong.

The things that came to light following Carol Coppinger's clinic made the demo discussion seem like nothing.

06.12.03
But Can You Ride Other Horses?
Somebody asked me a very pointed question today: "How will PNH prepare you to ride non-PNH horses? Will you be able to?" I have to admit that it caught me so off-guard that I had to sit down and think it through. Following is my answer to them:

Absolutely! In fact, you will probably get a much better ride than your non-PNH counterparts, even if it's "just" an old nose-to-tail string horse on a trail ride. There are two parts to PNH: teaching the human, and teaching the horse. PNH teaches the human to ride the horse, not the saddle, the discipline or the style. Horses don't know whether they are PNH or not, but they DO know if you've got savvy and how much of it.

Most people's knowledge of horses is limited to the very basics; they are told "kick to go, pull back to stop, steer with the reins, cluck once for a walk, twice for a trot and kiss to canter." The sad thing is, even THAT information is incorrect to some extent. There is so much more to horses and riding than most people realize, but somehow they manage to stay alive through the experience anyway.

The part of PNH that is geared toward the human teaches the philosophy and theory of horsemanship and how to communicate with a horse in their own language, the way another horse would. You learn how a horse thinks, what drives and motivates him, what scares him, what causes him to react the way he does. You also learn how to counteract the human's inherent predator-like behavior by adjusting your behavior to mimic that of the horse (prey animal).

It's a lot like the difference between paint-by-numbers vs. painting by color theory. Anyone can paint by numbers; they know that red and blue make purple, and the end result is a decent painting, but they don't necessarily understand why these colors blended together the way they did to create the image. But someone who has studied color theory and painting techniques will understand how to use the paint color's inherent properties to their advantage—for example they'll know why certain colors make things appear closer in the painting or farther away, how to create realistic highlights and shadows, and how to blend colors to get the exact shade of green they want. It's a more refined understanding of painting. Likewise, PNH provides the human with a more refined understanding of horse behavior and horsemanship that goes way beyond the basics.

What PNH teaches the human about horses applies to each and every horse you will come into contact with. To ride a horse effectively, you need to be able to balance well; ask them to change or maintain gaits and speed; ask them to steer, go and stop; and ride all the gaits comfortably. You get bonus points if you've had some traditional riding lessons (even years of dressage) and can also anticipate through their body language what they might do next, or be able to ask more advanced questions such as changing leads or negotiating a jump. Still, this accounts for only about 1% of what PNH teaches the human about horses. The other 99% makes the difference between a novice and a true horseman.

What PNH teaches the horse is pretty much the same things that are traditionally taught when "breaking" a horse, but it's done as naturally as possible—how to respond off of pressure, follow a feel, pick up leads, change/maintain gaits, steer, stand still... the list is endless. The less equipment used, the better; PNH relies on communication and body language, not gadgets.

Really, the only difference between a PNH-trained horse and a non-PNH horse is the level of responsiveness from the PNH horse and the bond that is established with his rider. The PNH horse has been educated to respond more off of less pressure. The PNH student has worked with their horse or horses to establish a very strong bond of safety, communication, trust, and respect and has refined it to a razor-sharp level.

PNH will prepare you to ride any horse, anywhere, at anytime, and the further you go into the program the more prepared you will be for any situation that you may encounter. You will know how to read any horse's body language so acutely as to be able to head problems off before they start, help the horse overcome fears in mere moments that may have plagued them for years, and although the horse may require more pressure or more deliberate signals before he responds, he will certainly appreciate the politeness with which you ask and the savvy that you display when you communicate with him.

05.27.03

Not a lot of horsin' around today; was supposed to ride with Jennifer but she had to take her cat to the vet so she rainchecked. We'll try again tomorrow. Meantime, I watched the very beginning of the Level Two Harmony Online video. There is going to be a TON to learn. I am a bit overwhelmed; yet I know I just need to approach it one step, one task, at a time and it will all fall into place.

Went out to the barn around 4:30. Nic was there, braiding Doc's mane so it won't dreadlock while Julie's on vacation. We groomed him a bit (he still has winter hair in some spots) then decided to ride. Naturally, by the time I brought WF in and had her gamed up, then saddled up, we got about as far as the mare's pasture and the wind picked up, the rain started, and all the other mares shot into the arena as fast as they could. Hmm. The mares hate to come in... must be a nice storm brewing.

So we escaped into the clubhouse with Bruce when he showed up. (Note: the "clubhouse" is a small structure with nothing in it. It hasn't been used in years, but Erin the barn manager decided it was high time it got used so she's been cleaning it up. It was cozy to sit at the card table. We were looking at website output on all the state parks with bridle trails in Ohio and trying to plan camping trips. The storm passed—I think there was one roll of thunder—and after the horses came in for dinner, we saddled up and tried again. Turned out to be a nice little jaunt down the "D". Lots of deer, so lots of deerspooking, LOL. Barely got home before dark. Got a little chilly but not too bad, damp spring chilly with the lovely clean afterscent of rain on pine.

It is definitely starting to sink in with me and with WF. She is beginning to show signs of respect in the field when I go out to collect her. Right after the clinic, she was balky. She'd lay her ears back, walk off, sometimes trot off. We'd play Catch Me. She'd give me a hard time when I went to put on the halter, pulling her head away or down to eat. "Screw you," she said, "I'm grazing. Leave me alone." When I finally got her haltered, she'd refuse to budge until we got to the creek crossing, which is always treacherous in spring (very mucky and sloppy and mares are known for dragging their owners through it), and she'd suddenly circle around me, invade my space, go off in another direction and yank me (I knew it was coming so I was braced, not gonna catch ME off guard and drag me, no way), or I'd cross and she'd be on the other side, refusing to budge, threatening to pull back and pull me over (I was teetering and she knew it).

Well, things have changed. She grazes, but doesn't run off. She ignores me until I ask for attention by either disengaging her HQ or marching in place by her nose to bring up her head. Once it's up, and she sees the halter, she stops. She sighs. I halter her, she gives her nose. She sighs again. I play a few games with her, Friendly then Porcupine, then Driving, then Back Up/Yo-Yo, then I Circle her both ways. By then, she's like, OK, fine, let's go. If she's energetic, I just Funky Chicken. If she drags, I Circle her as I walk, changing directions until she figures it's easier just to walk beside me at a nice pace. I always take her for a drink, then we go in.

Her respect level has heightened and I am thrilled. I am more relaxed now.

Last night, Nic and I met up in the evening. We just chatted for a while about PNH and our fellow students, then I collected WF from her stall (she had just been grained) and Nic watched us game and gave me detail pointers to tighten up. Things went really well. Nic found humor in how hard it was to keep WF's two eyes on her—I didn't feel so bad after that, b/c she does the same thing to me and every time she's bumped back, she glares at the human, then goes back to looking where she wants to. Bump, glare, look. Bump, glare, look. It's not an evil glare, it's more of annoyed. It's really funny to see how annoyed she gets when we "distract" her.

In the bareback pad, we worked on Fig 8's at a walk. I worked on tossing my rein back and forth over her head. What a pain that is! So hard to get. Easier in the halter b/c of the weight of the clasp; in the hack it's like throwing thread. ARRRGH!!! Now, doing that, plus staying put, plus maintaining gait... am I that coordinated? Well, it was a start. Nic did Passenger Lessons with me online, and we tried to get WF into a canter but I preferred clockwise and she wouldn't go into the canter. Granted, I was a bit anxious but I wanted to do it—I knew once we got going, I'd be past the anxiety. Instead, she just sped up her trot to the fastest trot I've seen! Man, put a cart on that horse, we're gonna win at Raceway Park!!! Nic got on her and discovered WF isn't confident taking her right lead at the canter; so my job is to send her out at Liberty a few sessions on the right lead until she gains confidence.

Once while trotting, Nic was asking her to speed up, and WF misread the cue and whipped her HQ around 90 degrees to disengage. I moved with her as if I was part of her. Nic gave me big bonus points for that b/c sticking a fast disengagement bareback is harder than riding the canter bareback. That was a relief to me to know that.

Not much else to report... have yet to have the third session with Cheerios, but he did come right up to me today.

Knowing the Way of the Horse (from log 05.23.03)
Today, I spent 5 or 6 hours with WF working on all the Level One assessment tasks. She was very much in Pissy Mare mode today because I made her wait in the arena yesterday and today instead of walking out to get her in the pasture. So no grass grazing for WF! She was not happy. I wouldn't feel so bad (she's on 24-hour turnout and only comes in for grain twice a day) except night turnout is in the arena. Only day turnout is grass. I'm so mean. I actually had to play the Catch Me game with her today before she'd pay attention to me! That game wears me out b/c I have to run too. I have to keep her going until I say OK come on in. It took several go rounds before she finally gave up and said FINE. I feel like I ran a marathon, then did serious weightlifting and aerobics afterwards. I came home and passed out sitting up on the couch.

She did very well, though. We went through all the tasks tightening up the sloppy spots and right now, there is only one task that absolutely is not working—riding sideways. She's confusing my Direct Rein with Sideways actually the other way around—I ask for sideways I get a circle. I'm screwing something up but I'm not sure what just yet. Gotta read my booklets again. Other than that, she was amazing, even backed through the round pen gate with me on her, and we did some riding in the arena (that's why I hurt) in the halter and lead rope (single rein). Jenny was out and took Red for a ride then went to lead her through the arena to the pasture but Red got distracted by the hay piles put out for the two horses living in the arena (one's a mini; the other is a mare the owner can't catch in the pasture) and wouldn't go. So Jenny said to me can ya herd her out for me?

I learned that I can: guide my horse with a single rein in a halter with one hand while swinging the tail of the rope rein at another horse's Zones with the other hand, maintain my balance, change directions, and maintain gait (trotting) all at the same time. In other words, I am ready to learn how to rope a cow b/c I have an independent seat! I no longer depend on the reins for balance, nor do I need to be looking right between her ears to stay aright, and I'm confident!

I felt like a cowgirl for the first time. Man. This week has been nothing but breakthroughs! Playing all 7 Games with Cheerios w/o an emotional outburst from either of us; all the little things WF has surprised me with; finding out that PNH works on non-program horses and that I can ask a strange horse in the pasture to move sideways off of rhythmic pressure in the correct zones (shaking my fingers at them) (but of course I can't get my OWN horse to do it half the time ); the whole cowgirl incident; and the best one: taking a stab at Catch Me with Rita's horse at her request (the one you can't catch—she asked me for help catching her and I tried to show her how to fix the problem) in the round pen and feeling like a true horse whisperer when it worked and she started following me around like a puppy.

Oddly enough, that mare, Casey, runs from her owner who is a perfectly nice lady but knows nothing about horses except how to ride very basically and this is her first horse and the poor mare is 6 years old and has never ever been trained to do anything (until recently, after Rita sent her for 60 days of training)—well Casey still bolts when she sees Rita or anyone else coming toward her, but she stands stock still for me when I approach and even follows me around a bit. I don't know if Rita has noticed that yet or not. I'm kind of hoping she does, and then starts to put 2 and 2 together and gets interested in PNH.

The sad thing is, she's convinced that the trainer really taught Casey everything the horse needs to know and has yet to realize that the reason Casey's regressing to her bad behavior isn't because the trainer failed or the horse is bad, but it's because Rita herself hasn't been trained yet to know what to do. She's all wide-eyed amazement at how fantastic Bob is as a trainer. Yeah, he is; and that's exactly why Casey responds to him and why she won't respond to Rita. Casey knows Rita doesn't know anything. That's why Pat Parelli stopped training horses and came up with a way to teach people how to teach horses; he got tired of fixing problems, sending them back to the owners and having the problems reoccur because the owners didn't have any savvy. That's why PNH exists!

In her case, they NEED it to prevent a dangerous situation from occurring. You have an untrained horse and an equally clueless owner—bad mix. I know from personal experience. But you can't force PNH on someone—it's like trying to sell them on a different religion and you know how that goes! (Ask any Jehovah's Witness!) Seriously! Traditionalists, or "normals", as we call them (yes, I joke about it's being the Cult of PNH), tend to dismiss the program, laugh at it, roll their eyes and smirk and wait for the day "those crazy orange stick people who ride in a string halter and lead rope and bareback in the woods" have something spook their horses and get themselves killed. So we are forced to lead by example. It catches on, though. More and more orange sticks are appearing in the neighboring stalls and barns.

The irony is that in most cases, especially at our barn, which caters to recreational trail riders (some of whom haven't been out to even visit their horses since before the snow melted), it's going to be them that falls off and gets hurt, not us. We know how to stop our horses with one rein, how to sit the horse naturally and ride with them regardless, and we've established ourselves as the leader and protector through the games we played prior to ever going out in the woods so when something does happen, we can ride through it and calm our horses down—if they even bother to get upset.

I've noticed while out on rides in a mixed group (PNH and normals) that when a "catastrophe" occurs (deer flies out in front of us on the trail, for example), the PNH horses don't even flinch, while the Normal horses lose their minds and their owners start yelling and getting upset ("Stop that! It's nothing! You stupid horse...") which only makes the horse more nervous. And if the deer flies into the herd behind a PNH horse and that horse does get excited and moves his feet, the rider immediately knows how to deflate themselves and pull with one rein to bend to a stop; the Normal horse bolts and the rider seesaws or yanks back with both reins on the bit, tensing up and squeezing the horse's sides while yelling WHOAWHOAWHOA and wondering why their horse won't settle down.

I just read all of that and thought to myself, when did I become so knowledgeable about horses? Not that I'm an expert; I'm not. But just basic stuff—it's a wonder that people can have horses for years, not know any of this, and somehow manage to stay alive and ride fairly happily. Then again, most people seem satisfied to live with what I call "tolerable levels of disrespect" in their horses. The horse walks off the moment they mount; that's escaping at a walk. They accept it; I know it's a sign of disrespect and should be fixed before you even go out for a ride. But that person's lucky, because for the most part, that's the worst sign of disrespect they get, aside from the occasional ears back look or undesired change of gait (usually on the way home, when suddenly even the sleepiest horse decides the race is on). And they are satisfied with it. But I'm not. I want more; from myself and my horses. Total respect, control and confidence. I don't like surprises on the trail. I don't like being caught off guard by an irritated hoof that could have been prevented. Ya know? Some people take their horse-related injuries in stride and wear them as a badge of honor; there's even a saying, you aren't a true cowgirl until you've fallen off seven times. I beg to differ! I say you aren't a true cowgirl until you've proven that you won't come off no matter what!

05.23.03
Today, I spent 5 or 6 hours with WF working on all the Level One assessment tasks. She was very much in Pissy Mare mode today because I made her wait in the arena yesterday and today instead of walking out to get her in the pasture. So no grass grazing for WF! She was not happy. I wouldn't feel so bad (she's on 24-hour turnout and only comes in for grain twice a day) except night turnout is in the arena. Only day turnout is grass. I'm so mean. I actually had to play the Catch Me game with her today before she'd pay attention to me! That game wears me out b/c I have to run too. I have to keep her going until I say OK come on in. It took several go rounds before she finally gave up and said FINE. I feel like I ran a marathon, then did serious weightlifting and aerobics afterwards. I came home and passed out sitting up on the couch.

She did very well, though. We went through all the tasks tightening up the sloppy spots and right now, there is only one task that absolutely is not working—riding sideways. She's confusing my Direct Rein with Sideways actually the other way around—I ask for sideways I get a circle. I'm screwing something up but I'm not sure what just yet. Gotta read my booklets again. Other than that, she was amazing, even backed through the round pen gate with me on her, and we did some riding in the arena (that's why I hurt) in the halter and lead rope (single rein). Jenny was out and took Red for a ride then went to lead her through the arena to the pasture but Red got distracted by the hay piles put out for the two horses living in the arena (one's a mini; the other is a mare the owner can't catch in the pasture) and wouldn't go. So Jenny said to me can ya herd her out for me?

I learned that I can: guide my horse with a single rein in a halter with one hand while swinging the tail of the rope rein at another horse's Zones with the other hand, maintain my balance, change directions, and maintain gait (trotting) all at the same time. In other words, I am ready to learn how to rope a cow b/c I have an independent seat! I no longer depend on the reins for balance, nor do I need to be looking right between her ears to stay aright, and I'm confident!

I felt like a cowgirl for the first time. Man. This week has been nothing but breakthroughs! Playing all 7 Games with Cheerios w/o an emotional outburst from either of us; all the little things WF has surprised me with; finding out that PNH works on non-program horses and that I can ask a strange horse in the pasture to move sideways off of rhythmic pressure in the correct zones (shaking my fingers at them) (but of course I can't get my OWN horse to do it half the time ); the whole cowgirl incident; and the best one: taking a stab at Catch Me with Rita's horse at her request (the one you can't catch—she asked me for help catching her and I tried to show her how to fix the problem) in the round pen and feeling like a true horse whisperer when it worked and she started following me around like a puppy.

Oddly enough, that mare, Casey, runs from her owner who is a perfectly nice lady but knows nothing about horses except how to ride very basically and this is her first horse and the poor mare is 6 years old and has never ever been trained to do anything (until recently, after Rita sent her for 60 days of training)—well Casey still bolts when she sees Rita or anyone else coming toward her, but she stands stock still for me when I approach and even follows me around a bit. I don't know if Rita has noticed that yet or not. I'm kind of hoping she does, and then starts to put 2 and 2 together and gets interested in PNH.

The sad thing is, she's convinced that the trainer really taught Casey everything the horse needs to know and has yet to realize that the reason Casey's regressing to her bad behavior isn't because the trainer failed or the horse is bad, but it's because Rita herself hasn't been trained yet to know what to do. She's all wide-eyed amazement at how fantastic Bob is as a trainer. Yeah, he is; and that's exactly why Casey responds to him and why she won't respond to Rita. Casey knows Rita doesn't know anything. That's why Pat Parelli stopped training horses and came up with a way to teach people how to teach horses; he got tired of fixing problems, sending them back to the owners and having the problems reoccur because the owners didn't have any savvy. That's why PNH exists!

In her case, they NEED it to prevent a dangerous situation from occurring. You have an untrained horse and an equally clueless owner—bad mix. I know from personal experience. But you can't force PNH on someone—it's like trying to sell them on a different religion and you know how that goes! (Ask any Jehovah's Witness!) Seriously! Traditionalists, or "normals", as we call them (yes, I joke about it's being the Cult of PNH), tend to dismiss the program, laugh at it, roll their eyes and smirk and wait for the day "those crazy orange stick people who ride in a string halter and lead rope and bareback in the woods" have something spook their horses and get themselves killed. So we are forced to lead by example. It catches on, though. More and more orange sticks are appearing in the neighboring stalls and barns.

The irony is that in most cases, especially at our barn, which caters to recreational trail riders (some of whom haven't been out to even visit their horses since before the snow melted), it's going to be them that falls off and gets hurt, not us. We know how to stop our horses with one rein, how to sit the horse naturally and ride with them regardless, and we've established ourselves as the leader and protector through the games we played prior to ever going out in the woods so when something does happen, we can ride through it and calm our horses down—if they even bother to get upset.

I've noticed while out on rides in a mixed group (PNH and normals) that when a "catastrophe" occurs (deer flies out in front of us on the trail, for example), the PNH horses don't even flinch, while the Normal horses lose their minds and their owners start yelling and getting upset ("Stop that! It's nothing! You stupid horse...") which only makes the horse more nervous. And if the deer flies into the herd behind a PNH horse and that horse does get excited and moves his feet, the rider immediately knows how to deflate themselves and pull with one rein to bend to a stop; the Normal horse bolts and the rider seesaws or yanks back with both reins on the bit, tensing up and squeezing the horse's sides while yelling WHOAWHOAWHOA and wondering why their horse won't settle down.

I just read all of that and thought to myself, when did I become so knowledgeable about horses? Not that I'm an expert; I'm not. But just basic stuff—it's a wonder that people can have horses for years, not know any of this, and somehow manage to stay alive and ride fairly happily. Then again, most people seem satisfied to live with what I call "tolerable levels of disrespect" in their horses. The horse walks off the moment they mount; that's escaping at a walk. They accept it; I know it's a sign of disrespect and should be fixed before you even go out for a ride. But that person's lucky, because for the most part, that's the worst sign of disrespect they get, aside from the occasional ears back look or undesired change of gait (usually on the way home, when suddenly even the sleepiest horse decides the race is on). And they are satisfied with it. But I'm not. I want more; from myself and my horses. Total respect, control and confidence. I don't like surprises on the trail. I don't like being caught off guard by an irritated hoof that could have been prevented. Ya know? Some people take their horse-related injuries in stride and wear them as a badge of honor; there's even a saying, you aren't a true cowgirl until you've fallen off seven times. I beg to differ! I say you aren't a true cowgirl until you've proven that you won't come off no matter what!

Clinic Daze, Day One
Wildflower and I had already been a participating team in a Level One clinic, so I pretty much thought it was old hat. Wildflower, however, had other ideas. That first morning at Bruce Logan's Level One clinic was a real test of my mettle and it deep-sixed my confidence in my abilities as a horsewoman because my typically angelic equine turned into a whinnying wiggly mess the moment we entered the arena with the other 11 horses. Nothing that I knew to try was successful in regaining her attention.

So the first three or four hours after bringing in our horses felt like a complete waste because I couldn't get her attention nor could I pay attention to what Bruce was teaching on other horses because she was so jiggy she was trying to run me over. It was like being in the grocery store with a hyperactive toddler in the middle of a temper tantrum or one who's running all over hell distracting everyone.

When we broke for lunch, I almost went into the bathroom and cried. She was so awesome in the days prior, when we went through all the assessment tasks and practiced, and now it looked like neither one of us had ever seen PNH. It kind of pissed me off because we needed help on our FQ yields and I couldn't get her settled long enough to work on them.

But during lunch, Nicole helped me analyze the problem and I regained my confidence when I realized I just had to wake her up, do whatever it takes. I went back determined to get her to lock on that afternoon.

One of the first games we played after lunch was a driving/follow-the-feel game where we focus on a point across the arena and ask our horses to follow our lead and walk with us... then we suddenly stop and flap our elbows like doing the Funky Chicken and start walking backward. The object is to get the horse to respond by immediately backing off when we flap our arms. It's a safety device. If you're leading your horse and an emergency happens, they might otherwise run you over in an attempt to protect themselves, so the Funky Chicken is a maneuver designed to teach the horse to back off! right now! in case of emergency.

The first time across, I stopped and flapped and ran right into WF. She was not impressed. Bruce suggested if she doesn't back up after a couple flaps, use the carrot stick for emphasis (tap her in the chest until she backs up). The second time I did. She had two or three nice flaps as opportunities to move, didn't, so THWAP!!! and she backed up with a surprised look. I rubbed her and rubbed her, then we tried again. This time, when I stopped and flapped, she was already backing up.

And suddenly, she was very much awake and listening. AHA! I found the key!

The rest of the day went pretty well from then on. By the end of the evening, WF was tuned in completely and we looked a lot better.

Clinic, Day Two
The next morning, on the way into the arena, I used the Funky Chicken technique all the way in to wake her up and get her listening, along with sending her in circles, disengaging, and backing her up. She was much more attentive.

The second day, we finished up the Seven Games On Line and moved into the Freestyle/Finesse segment, which involves riding. We learned a saddling method that eliminates sore arms—gee, why I never thought to balance it on my hip and use my hip to help swing it up like a discus thrower is beyond me. Riding went pretty well. Since I've already been to one L1 clinic, I already knew the drill. I knew going in that it probably wouldn't be a lot of new information, but that was ok because I was hoping to tighten up my problem areas and review everything before the assessment.

That evening, after the clinic, I and two other participants went through our L1 Assessments with Bruce. (If that link doesn't work, visit this one.) I was a bit nervous. This was the Big Test to see if we were any good at this or not. The first task he asked for was picking up their feet, from one side of the horse. (We don't do what most "normal" people do, which is pick up the two on this side then go around and pick up the two on that side.) Well, WF and I had nailed that task beautifully at home. I thought, this is going to be a breeze. And naturally, she walked off in the middle of it.

I felt my stomach start to clench. I kept trying. I rubbed and rubbed her to get her to stop and got a bit frustrated in the middle. Bruce heard me growling and asked what was wrong. I told him. "She does this perfectly at home, but now can't even get her to stand still, and I'm frustrated." He said, "Don't be. Just relax." Well, we didn't pass that task. I suddenly dreaded the remainder of the assessment: would I wind up looking like a complete incompetent fool? Was I really cut out for this?

The next game was Friendly. That went really well. All that is is rubbing her all over, petting her softly, then gently tossing the savvy string over her body in imitation of another horse's tail. She softened and stopped moving immediately. Well, why couldn't we have started with THAT task? We would have passed feet if we had.

Everything from that point went great until we got to our FQ Porcupine. She Porc'd in every direction except FQ. Same with Driving. Well, needless to say, Pre-Level 1 on those. And Sideways, too, because it's dependent on FQ and HQ yields being in place because it's basically FQ-HQ-FQ-HQ yielding all at once.

I thought we'd pass Squeeze except we'd never practiced over a jump before.

We passed everything else except Saddling, Sideways (in the saddle), Figure 8 at a trot on a loose rein, and canter and bend to a stop. Not that I couldn't do those last two; they just didn't look second-nature, need major improvement. Saddling was just stupid on my part. Got tired, confused, and couldn't figure out which way to hold the darn saddle OR the lead line. Oh, well.

The end result was that we passed 16 out of the 25 tasks, or 64% of the assessment. That was actually much better than I'd expected and I was thrilled. Besides, some of the tasks are easy-fixers; just have to practice them a few times and get it locked in.

May I just say that she Trailer Loaded so beautifully that Bruce used us as the example? She must have thought she was going home because she loaded so smoothly and stayed put. I was tickled to death. Also, she backed through that gate like a knife cutting through butter. Wow. I was beaming with pride. And she nailed Controlled Catastrophe without hardly flinching (thanks to all that trail riding, and deer and other woodland entities leaping out in front of us).

We hitched a ride home with Mike, who was also assessed, and whose trailer it was. It was unexpected but a blessing because it saved me another night of stall fees, and WF was so happy to be home. Even though she was quivering with eagerness to get back to the grass of the pasture, she stood patiently even after I took off the halter and waited until I nudged her and said "Go ahead" before running to the field.

All in all, good days.

Total Eclipse of the Horse, Part I
The only reason for the title is because tonight there is a total lunar eclipse. Yep, I guess I've been rather lax in blogging. It's been a little busy lately.

After surviving the Cheerios experience, I had some breakthroughs with Wildflower but sadly I don't recall exactly what we did. Darn it. Oh, I remember. And I see that I've already outlined the Amazing Gate-Backing maneuver she's learned.

I spent Beltaine (May 1st) transporting Wildflower to the Bruce Logan Clinic. Since four of us from the barn were riding in the clinic, it took two trailers, 8 bales of hay, 8 bags of shavings, two huge rubbermaid containers of grain, and a whole day to load them and our equipment up and haul them "across town". Across town in a car is no biggie. But with two cars and two trucks hauling equine, it's another story. It was uneventful, but basically you take the regular drive time and double it. Upon arriving, we had to unload horses, supplies, equipment, and drop trailers, then register, then I did what I could to help Nicole manage the clinic details, since she was the local registrant.

Somehow I got roped into being a substitute horse handler for their therapeutic riding program that night, which I thought would be ok since I've done that for Serenity Farms, but their set up was completely different. I was having an internal struggle with what they deemed acceptable horse handling; my tongue was bleeding from biting it. The one thing I've learned is that you cannot tell people that the Natural way is better; they won't listen to you unless they are ready to hear it. You can only lead by example, hope they're paying attention, and be ready to help them when they finally ask.

So gripping the clasp of the halter and yanking the horse to get him to move was causing turmoil in my stomach. They had already "warned" me that he doesn't like having his feet cleaned, as they were handing me the hoof pick. Oh, great, set me up for failure. But I outsmarted them (and him). While they were busying themselves plopping saddles on the other horses, I was playing the Friendly game all over the horse I was assigned to. Once he started relaxing, I tried a little Porcupine and he responded well.

I ran my hands down his legs until he tensed up, and backed off... back down, back off... repeated until he relaxed again. Then I politely requested his foot (the Natural Way). He lifted it politely and I went to work. Their arena is on clay and it gets packed in so I nearly ripped my arm ligaments trying to chisel it out. Yikes. But he was very patient with me. The woman kept coming over and telling me how "wrong" I was doing it. I just said "Uh huh" and when she wasn't looking, went back to doing it Naturally. Every time she came over and grabbed at him, he tensed. When I touched him, he relaxed. Gee. Wonder why.

She and I basically had a philosophical argument, which really surprised me, since she was the one with whom the clinic was arranged. I thought she'd be open-minded! After all, she was encouraging a PNH clinic. At one point, as I was trying to explain the reasons why PNH works (body language, the way horses communicate with each other), she flat-out said "well, sure it works with your horse, because you've been working with just that one horse for a long time. But it doesn't work with horses that aren't in the program." Nothing I could say could convince her otherwise.

I wish she could have witnessed it just yesterday. I was standing in our arena. Casey, a young Paint mare, had just returned from "training" and was out in the arena after her owner quit "working" with her for the day. She suddenly got a burst of Happy Horse energy, and came galloping toward me. All I did was raise my left arm and point, adopt a braced stance, and direct at Zone 2 with my carrot stick and her path immediately and gracefully shifted exactly where I wanted her to go.

Has Casey been exposed to PNH?

NO!!! Never. Only traditional "normal" training. She doesn't know Zone 2 from caterpillars. Yet, I asked her to "go that way, please" and she did. (Oh, well, she probably just moved because she saw the "whip" in my hand. That's what the skeptics would say.)

Anyway, load in day was very tiring. There were other personal matters I had to attend to after all that, and I was exhausted when I finally got to bed that night, and already sore. The next four days would probably be quite a test.

04.30.03 Fear? What Fear?
Yesterday, I had every intention of spending the day at the barn playing with Wildflower some more. But somehow life sidetracked me again, and I was still sitting in front of my computer at 4:30 pm when the phone rang. It was Nora, the girl interested in part-leasing Cheerios. She was at the barn hanging with Beth and Erika and was ready for her test-drive.

So I wound up at the barn after all.

The geldings have been relocated to the far back pasture to give the front pasture a breather. It's a LOOOOOOOONG walk. It's even longer when you realize that you have to lead a horse you're not entirely sure you trust all the way back. I like Nora; but observing her behavior around horses, I have to wonder just how much experience she's really had with them. Then again, lots of riding lessons doesn't equal savvy. One of the good things about PNH is that it's designed to fill in all the gaps in one's equine education.

I have to remember, also, that it wasn't that long ago that I myself wasn't very savvy and did dumb or naive things around horses. I'm by no means an expert in savvy, but I'm growing. It's tough when you realize how far you've come and have to watch so many horsepeople just stumbling through it like I used to. I wonder how we all survived?

We met up with Cheerios, who came trotting up to me. I rubbed him all over. Then I let him sniff the halter. He turned and walked away to eat grass. I took the tail end of my rope and swung it at his butt to disengage his hindquarters. He flinched, shifted slightly, then realized I wasn't stopping and I was coming perilously close to actually touching him with the popper end of the rope, and decided it might be best to scootch out of the way. Head came up, at attention.

Let's try this again, my boy. Right arm around neck, light pressure at poll to drop the head, ask it to tip toward me, slide the halter on, voila. A small twirl of the rope and we're off. Walking nicely. Then Cheerios' ears go back. Uh-oh... is he in one of those moods?...no... wait, Weapon's coming up behind him. Whew! Weapon was shoving his nose rudely up Cheerios' butt and Cheerios was not happy. Nora was amused by this but apparently unaware of the potential danger or what to do or that anything needed doing. I turned around and waved my carrot stick towards Weapon's front feet in a floor-sweeping motion until he decided to back up. Then I directed him to move away (driving the ForeQuarters or FQ) and he did.

Cheerios was impressed by my leadership. Ears returned forward. We continued on. Nora was taken aback that I'd chased Weapon away. I'm not sure she realized what was happening. She thought it was "cute" that Weapon wanted to follow along.

I, however, did not. Weapon is a very obnoxious horse and sizes people up right away (as all horses do) and gleefully takes full advantage of the less-savvy. He is VERY VERY pushy. He is also a cookie-hound and will rudely frisk someone for treats. It's quite entertaining... until 1,200 pounds of horse decides to shove you or walk all over you when you run out of goodies. Or when he initiates dominance Games with the horse you're trying to lead and makes your horse yank your arm off, rear, kick out or bolt. It can turn dangerous very quickly if you aren't savvy enough to see the potential outcomes.

Someone told me a story about a horse who had the great misfortune of being born to a mare owned by extremely unsavvy people who thought it was adorable to have the little baby horse follow them around and behave like a dog. Literally. Begging for treats, doing tricks such as putting its little wobbly front hooves on the person's shoulders for a hug and kiss. It was just darling!

Then the horse grew up.

And the horse was still trying to put its front hooves and all of its 1,200 pounds on people's shoulders for a hug and a kiss.

Cute, eh?

Part of being savvy is knowing when and where to draw the line between cute and dangerous, as well as how to draw it.

We had a relatively uneventful walk back to the barn. Cheerios did try his "spook myself by stepping on my lead rope" trick again, but I just ignored him and took up a little more slack so he wouldn't get tangled. He gave up that game. My carrot stick was in my hand, trailing behind me in complete neutral position the whole way. When I used it to communicate with him to speed up or slow down, I was very careful to use just barely any phase and he seemed fine with it and paid attention. I was very pleased. This was the first time he didn't flinch, jump back, or pull a stunt.

I tacked him up. Of course, I did it the natural way but on the Cowboy side. Too soon to explain why you'd want to do it on the Indian side. In between cinch tightenings, I walked him around a bit. The last time before we went out to the arena, I asked for a little bit of Circling. Very carefully. He went a quarter turn and I stopped him. Quarter turn the other way and stopped him. Nice.

We went out to the round pen. Oh, what fun, taking a nervous gelding through a sea of mares (still living in the arena) who were not thrilled to have a testosterone-filled interloper among them. I was wishing Nora had the savvy to help me get the crowd out of the way but it was pretty much all up to me. I felt like Chuck Norris or Bruce Lee with a carrot stick up against the Ninja Horses. You drive off one (when I say drive off I mean politely ask them to motor themselves in the direction you ask, not scare the crap out of them) and another is right behind you. Cheerios started to panic b/c they like to gang up. I told Nora to go open the round pen gate. Well, I guess eventually we all learn how to do it faster...

Safe in the pen, I explained that I was going to see where his mindset was and make sure that he is listening before she gets on, that it's always a good idea to do this before mounting. (I realize now I forgot to explain the difference between Circling and Longeing... oh well. Another day.) OK, here's my chance... carefully now, but mean it... either he's gonna do it or he's gonna blow...

I backed him up a little. He watched me for a moment, then took a step forward. I gave him a consequence and waited. He looked a little surprised. He considered another step forward and I raised my finger—and he reconsidered. He waited. I waited. No motion from either of us. I was completely relaxed in the center. He licked his lips. Oh, my God, he's THINKING!!! He stayed quiet. I lifted the lead rope and pointed, then swung lightly at Zone 2. His head came up. He considered moving and shifted his weight in the FQ, then shifted it back. I increased the energy of my swinging. His eyes widened. He gave the "I'm about to panic..." look. I ignored it and kept gently increasing the energy/pressure. He stepped off in the correct direction at a fast walk. I dropped the pressure. Three steps later he slowed to a friendly walk.

He tried his old trick of walk past me then stop too close. I backed him up with determination and repeated my Send. He didn't know what to make of that. What? You mean my invasion of her personal space isn't freaking her out? Huh. Of course, he tried that trick a couple more times with less and less enthusiasm before giving in and just walking in a circle. When he tried to stop before I was ready, I just calmly sent him back out. He performed a beautiful polite disengagement when asked. I smiled, went to him and petted him, then let him sit a moment.

He waited. I waited. We waited some more. Then he licked and chewed and I knew he'd learned something new about Mom. I sent him in the opposite direction for a lap and a half and brought him back with equal success. Let him sit, wait, think. Beautiful.

It was time for Nora to mount up so I bridled him. She mounted like a pro. She walked him around the outer boundary of the pen for a while, adjusting. One look and I could see the English riding posture, no mistaking that. Back ramrod straight, elbows tucked, heels down, head up, hands and forearms parallel to the ground. I sighed. She looked so stiff up there!

My only recourse was to gently point out the differences between Western and English riding. She's going to have to keep her hands down on his mane and off his mouth or she'll drive him nuts. She went round for awhile then clucked for a trot. And clucked again. And again. Then he finally trotted. His trot is like a jackhammer and she asked if she was bouncing around as much as she thought she was. (She was. On him it's hard not to.) She eventually cantered him and he did very well.

She was really wrapped up in sticking to the rail so I suggested she come down the middle and change directions, which she did. Walk. Trot. Canter. Stop. Back to walking the perimeter. I watched her struggling to get him to turn and suggested that she focus her gaze where she wants to go and see if he'll follow the feel. I don't mean this as criticism, but the concept of looking anywhere but straight ahead seemed foreign to her. Like, why would I want to do that? Proper position is straight ahead....

Was it her, or was it Cheerios? Was she not effecting it properly, or was Cheerios just not listening? The question began to bother me as I stood in the center observing this. Finally I could stand it no longer.

"Hey, Nora, do you think I could try something really quick?"

Nora dismounted. I did the step up three times, stand in the stirrup and ask permission, then swing leg over mounting technique. The minute my right foot hit the stirrup, Cheerios stepped forward. I whoa'd him and hurried up and did nothing. We sat there. I was totally relaxed. Each time he considered taking a step, I backed him up a step and relaxed until finally he just stood. I explained to Nora that walking off at mounting before you're ready is the same as escaping by bolting, except it's at a walk so most people don't realize it's an escape.

Then I "smiled with all four cheeks" and silently, we were walking. Nope, it wasn't Nora, it was definitely Cheerios. He was not responding in the least to my body's turning in response to my focus. (What's supposed to happen is a sequence of events: first the eyes turn, then the head follows, then the shoulders, pelvis, and outside leg. The horse feels the shift and leans in that direction and turns. IF he knows how to follow a feel, which nobody ever taught Cheerios.) I experimented with "smiling broader" to see if he'd pick up the pace. He did, and we were trotting around the ring.

Same old jackhammer, but it felt different to me. Probably because my upper thighs were locked in like a jockey's, my butt was lifted just slightly out of the saddle, the rest of my body was relaxed and my feet were mimicking the motion of his own (Riding with Fluidity as taught by Linda Parelli). Same way I ride bareback. Perfectly balanced, completely relaxed. Cheerios trotted along happily.

Then it hit me.

I was RIDING CHEERIOS.

Not Wildflower.

Where is it? Where's the panic that should be welling up in the pit of my stomach right about now?... Nothing. Not even a twitch. Trottrottrot. Relax into my seat. Slows to a nice walk. No tension?

And the thought passed through my utterly surprised mind, "He's just like riding any other horse. It's no different." Suddenly the horns I'd been envisioning on his head morphed back into soft chestnut ears and the Killer Look in his demonic eyes softened and disappeared.

Fifteen months since the Bronco Experience. Days since I vowed I wouldn't play with him until I passed my Level One. Here I was, riding him, calm as can be, as if nothing ever happened between us. And everything was all right.

The fear was gone. Whether it will stay gone or rise up again remains to be seen, but at that moment, as I walked, trotted, and walked Cheerios around and across the pen, it was gone. Two days earlier, if you'd suggested I go saddle up Cheerios and ride him around, I'd have panicked and said NO THANK YOU, too scared. The thought would have turned me into quivering mush. And there I was.

I think I've figured out the source of the problem (besides green on green equals black and blue). Cheerios doesn't know anything about leg, or lead change requests, or transitions. All he knows is what little he was taught. He was trained to be a roping horse. It all made perfect sense. Roping horses are not riding horses. Both have to know basic ground skills and manners like standing still for grooming and saddling. But riding horses have to know all the gaits, how to transition, how to move off of human's cues, how to neck rein, etc. Hopefully the rider also knows these so they can communicate and have a happy ride.

Roping horses, on the other hand, do all the work in the team. The cowboy only has to be able to stay put regardless of how the horse moves (which is easy if you are relaxed). Cowboys do not ask the horse to move over there when chasing a cow. The HORSE does it automatically.

Roping horses are auto-pilot mounts. The cowboy grabs ahold, the chute opens, the horse bolts out of the chute at full speed, locks onto the bovine, and if he has "cow sense" he lines up just right on the cow so the cowboy can swing the rope or jump off (depending on the sport). Once the cow is roped, the horse slams to an immediate stop and keeps the slack out of the rope so the cowboy can do his job. Then the cowboy mounts up, and leaves the arena. The horse is tied up somewhere to sit and pant until the next go-round.

So Cheerios, who was probably only taught no, that's wrong! and was never shown what was right, and who is very insecure when he doesn't know what to do, is stressing heavily b/c all the people riding him are asking him to do things he hasn't learned yet, and are getting mad when he doesn't do it, and he's chewing his nails trying to figure out how to keep from getting punished (not by me, by the less sensitive riders) or freaked out or make mistakes. So he figured out if he misbehaves, escapes or bucks, he won't be bothered and he won't have to struggle with failing to understand what is asked of him.

Poor baby! Now that I've had this insight, I know what he needs to learn. Obviously, he needs to be put through the Level One program starting right away, because he'll learn the building blocks of everything he needs to know to be able to communicate better with us. He felt better with me just knowing I've been picking up his language. I could almost feel the relief rolling off of him.

It's funny how I almost instinctively grasp these concepts, especially in training differences, when I've never trained a horse in my life.

Today I caught part of an old National Geographic program on Irish Horses, and got chills when they spoke of the birthright of the Irish as natural horsemen. Between the horses and the leaning toward paganism, I'd say the Irish blood runs pretty thick through my veins.

I feel like I've jumped mountains this week.

04.28.03 Muuuuch Better
The mood improved overnight and I awoke in a much better frame of mind. I had the strangest dream—I don't remember all the details, but it had something to do with the Parelli Savvy Team and a show (like Equine Affaire or the Success With Horses Tour). I know I'd been watching the all-day event, and was anxiously awaiting Pat's big grand finale, but I had to leave briefly... someone called and said they needed me and I was irritated but figured I'd be back in time... when I got to my destination, which I think was my family home, I got delayed, and was well-aware I was missing part of Pat's portion of the show, and then I got to leave and was in a hurry, and got delayed again... more irritated... then I got to the event and had to walk a lot to the show site and when I was almost there, I bumped into Linda Parelli. She hugged me and I asked her a couple of very important PNH-related questions (neither of which occur to me now) and she smiled and gave me the answers and I went on my way. I woke up before I got to see Pat's event.

The interesting thing is that when she greeted me, she mentioned that this time she knew who I was, not like the first time. Why that is interesting is b/c in real life, when I went to Equine Affaire and was hanging out in the Parelli Pavillion, I really DID talk with Linda for a few moments about Cheerios' carrot stick fear issue and she gave me a couple good tips. But that's not the interesting part. The interesting part is that I walked up to her while she was chatting with someone else, and when they finished, she turned to me and I said hello! with a big smile and she said Hello and gave me kind of a funny look then hugged me, which was awkward. But then I introduced myself and she said something to ME along the lines of "You look so familiar, I must have seen you at other shows—that's why I thought I should hug you" which struck me as funny b/c not only was this the first time I'd been to Equine Affaire or anything like it, but also the only other time she'd ever seen me was in passing at last fall's Success With Horses Tour in Battle Creek. She thought I looked familiar. Huh. Must have one of those faces.

But I'm off-topic now. I woke up focused and ready to go and spent the day at the barn. Quite hot today, for April. Had to buy lip balm for my windburn. Wildflower was very interested to sniff my mouth. It's strawberry lip balm. Good thing I didn't get green apple—I'd be in trouble! We got a lot accomplished today. I think we might finally be over the Driving FQ hump—it's certainly not pretty, but it's becoming more obvious to her what I'm asking for. I just haven't quite gotten up the muster yet to REALLY Phase 4 around her face—it makes me nervous. I know that our level of discomfort-infliction ranges from as light as a fly landing on hair and at its greatest, much less than another horse can inflict, but I'm not completely comfortable with the higher end. It's also difficult when others are watching who don't understand the whole psychology behind it, who just see you "whapping your horse with a whip". I know what it looks like, but I also know the theory that one good solid Phase 4 that Means Something will teach the horse that if s/he moves feet at Phase 1, 2, or 3, s/he can avoid ever experiencing Phase 4. So instead of a really good Phase 4 in Zone 1 to say "MOVE your FQ", I've been going to about a 3 and using alternative methods such as Porcupine to shove her over a bit so she gets that this motion means this.

But I'm also getting better at Phase 4s. My discomfort stems from working with Cheerios. His Phase 4 is most horse's Phase 2, and he gets REALLY freaky about it. I'm learning how to do my Phases and not flinch myself. It's hard. There are those who have the opposite problem—they go right to Phase 4 and it scares the bejeezus out of the horse. Spose I otter be grateful that's not my problem.

Anyway, we worked on Driving the FQ. I basically went through the Assessment Tasks in my head in order (yep, about got them "mesmerized"), paying close attention to details (which arm the rope is on, how relaxed I am or direct I am). By the end of it, I had done everything except the Freestyle Riding tasks (Figure 8 at trot, canter and bend to a stop, Controlled Catastrophe, trailer loading) and Squeezing her over a jump. We also got to the point where she moves to the slightest suggestion of the popper end of the line being twirled between my fingers. Geez. Two days ago, it took full-on carrot stick rolling. Now, it's almost imperceptible. But then, that's b/c I finally got up the gumption to stick with it and give a Phase 4 which she did NOT appreciate (finding the spinning end of the rope in her WAY, so she got thwapped with it a few times). Now, she sees the end of that twirling, or my finger waggling, and she moves. Politely.

At the end, I lined her up to back out of the gate, and all I did was lift my finger and she went, nice and smooth, out the gate, backwards. I was so surprised my jaw dropped. GOOD HORSIE!!! She waited very patiently for me to lead her in, untack her, circle her into her stall, turned w/o hardly any suggestion, perfectly. Tipped her nose to remove the halter. She's getting it down. Then she waited for me to say "OK, go on, eat your food." Cheerios' modus operandi is to bolt from me, and charge to his food, not stopping until done. Ignoring me until done. Wildflower gets a mouthful, then comes back to me. Gets a mouthful, back to me. Mouthful, me, mouthful, me. It's really adorable.

She's amazing. PNH is amazing. I never would have thought I'd be able to do these kinds of things with horses. Now, it's ALL I wanna do. It's so much FUN to figure out how to ask them to position themselves (frustrating, yes, but fun too), like when I was trying to figure out how to ask her to position herself along the fence for a Sideways Game which requires her at a right angle to the fence. She'd circle to the fence, then the minute I'd go neutral, she'd scoot her butt over along the fence. Can't sideways that way! So after much trial and error with her trying to walk past me, or getting spooked, I figured out to tap Zone 4 over toward me while jiggling the rope at Zone 1 to tell it to go away, alternating that with putting my hand on Zone 1 or 2 to guide her. AHA!!! Big rubs when she got it. But that plumb wore me out. I got about two sideways steps and stopped and rubbed. Repeat on other side for a half hour (seemed that long), a step or two and stop. WHEW!!!

Can't wait to go to the barn tomorrow.

04.27.03 Bleagh
Yeahhh... some days you wake up and you just know it ain't gonna be a good day....

Well, it might have gone better if my roommate hadn't decided to start the morning off right by initiating a disagreement over the distribution of household chores that resulted in my getting upset, angered, irritated and generally out of focus. Unfortunately, I'm one of those people who has a hard time letting go of those feelings once they surface, and it wears on me like a bad stench. The kind equines can smell.

My "perfume" didn't go over very well with Cheerios, who took one look at me and bolted, wild-eyed. Usually, he saunters up to me, happy to see me. Nope. Not today. Couldn't blame him. He probably worried I'd take it out on him (I wouldn't) or that I was mad at him for some unknown mistake (I wasn't).

Luckily Wildflower is not so easily upset. In fact, she is rather sympathetic. Probably b/c she has Bad Mare Days herself. I admit I was pretty inconsistent that day but she tolerated me well. She even let me cry on her big bay shoulder and listened patiently while I complained and poured out all my problems. She let out a lot of huge sighs. So our session started out with that. My emotional outpouring.

We didn't do as well with things as the day before. Admittedly, I was probably giving up too easily b/c of my mood. I was already frustrated, and just didn't feel focused or like a leader at all. So after a picture-perfect day where everything flowed smoothly and my Red String seemed only inches away, to have it seemingly degenerate overnight, was very very frustrating.

However, the bright spot was that we succeeded in backing up through the gate. The first time was really really really hard b/c her instinct was to turn and face the opening and I had to keep directing her back over there, ok now hide your butt, ok now—no, wait, go back over there don't turn, now hide your—ok wait—ok back over there, wait, too far, wait—oh crap... ok, circle around me and—whoa, whoa, wait, ok, keep circling now hide your—big sigh—ok... let's see...

...then suddenly she caught on. And she did it. This was at the very beginning before I even used her as my psychologist. So I tried again at the end—and it didn't take as long, and she did it.

So my four hours were worth it, for that.